critique my online dating profile (men, emotionally, looking, stalker)

[KylieEve]

Originally Posted by JSizzle225

Say that you are currently "womanly challenged."

That might sound like you are growing breasts.

or a transvestite.

[KickAssArmyChick]

The "What I don't want part" made me laugh but I think the rest is a bit too much.

[sierraAZ]

I'm sick of details and looking for mistakes and editing for a living (has an impact on your personality, too ), but I'll probably look at it tonight.

You know your way around the ladies. I don't worry too much about ya!

But yeah, the "boredom" has to go, whether it's true or not!

[passionatearts]

Here are my thoughts on your ad:

1) Your ad is way too long. Personal ads should be no more than 3 paragraphs long.

2) You're not selling yourself in the ad. Most of the ad is devoted to detailing what you're looking for in a woman without any mention of why you're worth dating.

3) Never say anything negative about yourself or other people in a personal ad. Other posters have noted that your comment about being bored was a huge turnoff. Other things to avoid are statements like: "I'm great at saying whats wrong with my life but not to good at making suggestions to fix that." When I read this sentence, my immediate thought was: "This guy sounds like he's really depressed." Actually, pretty much the rest of the ad gave me that impression as well.

4) Your attempt at humor comes across as creepy rather than funny. While you might think that jokes about "pedophiles" and "suicide bombers" are funny to put in a personal ad, keep that stuff to yourself. That whole section of your ad creeped me out, and I'm a male! Can you imagine how repulsed most women are going to feel when they read through that section?

5) Long lists in personal ads are boring and make you sound like you're impossible to please.

[Cleverbeetle98]

It seems like you're trying too hard. Funny is good, but you are reaching for it.

Tell who you are, tell what you're looking for, but don't use lists. Often when I see lists in profiles, I just skip them. If you don't have the time to form coherent (and spell-checked!) sentences, I don't have the time to read.

Also, this is just a personal preference, but you make a lot of assumptions. i.e. 'you will miss me, you will sniff the pillow' ect. It just comes off cocky. Confidence is good, don't get me wrong, but you sound like a player - like you enjoy knowing that you will leave a woman missing you.

The whole vibe just kind of rubs me the wrong way...

[Ep-]

my goal with this one was to write something very different from normal. i guess i achieved that, but it doesnt work out so well with what it is meant for. thats why i posted it here rather then my profile. here is the profile i normally use:

Hi! I'm THENAMEISHERE. Most anyone would find me an amicable kind of guy, and if they don't something is clearly wrong with them. Basically, I am a chill, normal, relaxed guy. My friends and family mean the world to me...hopefully you can be fortunate enough to join the crowd.

Music is a huge influence in my life and my taste varies depending on my mood. I go to A LOT of shows.

Things I am a huge fan of: music, movies, dinner, trips (especially spontaneous ones), nature (especially the forest/trees/lakes/rivers/waterfalls variety), sports (Dallas Cowboys) and anything new and interesting I haven't tried yet.

I am working in a technical support position for hospitals. People break computers and I fix them. The end. I also volunteer at a local animal shelter a few times a month. I just moved to IHAVEENOUGHSTALKERS a few months ago and adopted a puppy from the SPCA.

I know I have a lot of offer in a relationship. I'm looking for someone that may share a few interests as well as introduce me to new things. Someone that is a bit adventurous, and doesn't get mad when I drive us an hour in the wrong direction. I'm looking for someone to really get to know and make an actual connection with.

[KylieEve]

Originally Posted by passionatearts

Here are my thoughts on your ad:

1) Your ad is way too long. Personal ads should be no more than 3 paragraphs long.

2) You're not selling yourself in the ad. Most of the ad is devoted to detailing what you're looking for in a woman without any mention of why you're worth dating.

3) Never say anything negative about yourself or other people in a personal ad. Other posters have noted that your comment about being bored was a huge turnoff. Other things to avoid are statements like: "I'm great at saying whats wrong with my life but not to good at making suggestions to fix that." When I read this sentence, my immediate thought was: "This guy sounds like he's really depressed." Actually, pretty much the rest of the ad gave me that impression as well.

4) Your attempt at humor comes across as creepy rather than funny. While you might think that jokes about "pedophiles" and "suicide bombers" are funny to put in a personal ad, keep that stuff to yourself. That whole section of your ad creeped me out, and I'm a male! Can you imagine how repulsed most women are going to feel when they read through that section?

5) Long lists in personal ads are boring and make you sound like you're impossible to please.

Excellent critique. The word pedophile inserted anywhere in a dating profile would send me running for the hills regardless of what the statement was about. It is just too creepy.

[KylieEve]

I just moved to IHAVEENOUGHSTALKERS a few months ago

OP can you please explain????

[KylieEve]

Hi! I'm THENAMEISHERE. I'm an amicable kind of guy. Basically, I am a chill, normal, relaxed guy. My friends and family mean the world to me but I am looking for that special someone to share my life with.
Music is a huge influence in my life and my taste varies depending on my mood. I go to alo of shows.

I am a huge fan of music, movies, dinner, trips (especially spontaneous ones), nature (especially the forest/trees/lakes/rivers/waterfalls variety), sports (Dallas Cowboys) and anything new and interesting I haven't tried yet.

I am working in a technical support position for hospitals. People break computers and I fix them. I also volunteer at a local animal shelter a few times a month and adopted a puppy from the SPCA.

I know I have a lot to offer in a relationship. I'm looking for someone that may share a few interests as well as introduce me to new things. Someone that is a bit adventurous, and doesn't get mad when I drive us an hour in the wrong direction. I'm looking for someone to really get to know and make an actual connection with.

OP I like this ad better but I took the liberty to edit it further.

[NY Annie]

Originally Posted by OngletNYC

I would back out of your profile by the third paragraph. In my opinion, people who say they are bored are boring themselves... its up to you to relieve your boredom, not a potential girlfriend.

An emotionally healthy woman isn't going to want to fill your "void" nor will she have her own void to offer you. She is going to be looking for a man who is happy with life, not looking for someone who seeks to fill a void or relieve his boredom.

Originally Posted by Ep-

my goal with this one was to write something very different from normal. i guess i achieved that, but it doesnt work out so well with what it is meant for. thats why i posted it here rather then my profile. here is the profile i normally use:

Originally Posted by lisalan

I just moved to IHAVEENOUGHSTALKERS a few months ago

OP can you please explain????

Well, you asked:

I saw the beginning the explanation on being bored - or whatever word you choose to use instead. The explanation made it sound like you are in need of a personal entertainment committee.

Someone suggested you say something, ANYTHING, about what it is you could bring to a relationship. Not bragging, not ego, just honesty.

If you were, indeed, trying to be funny, I didn't catch it. I caught your boredom, though and it was a major turnoff. I skimmed down and pedophile caught my eye. Someone else also made a note that that is one word you should avoid at all costs. I second that.

You've gotten some good comments. Trash it all and start over.

Hi, I'm a fun-loving puppy owner ready to find a partner to jog along with us while I try, unsuccessfully, to help this cute doggy rid itself of some energy. I would love to find someone who'd like to join me in the book discussion group I attend or go bowling on another night.

Now that's the guy I wanted to meet - oh, and I did. Except he was taking his kitty for walks.