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I've been friends with a woman since high school whose parents were born in India, and I actually I think she was also. But, she came here to the US when she was still a baby. Anyway, I remember her telling me after we graduated high school, her parents came home with a library of videos. All men they wanted her to marry. Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
She is VERY Americanized and was livid. She ended up marrying a Jewish guy, who is an exceptionally awesome guy, but her parents were not happy and threaten to disown her. Since her and her husband are both lawyers, it didn't really matter ... They were NUTS !
arranged marriages are built on respect for family and community and elders.
we dont have that, 50 years ago yes, not now. also arranged marriages in the far east put the mother in law at the throat of the wife to make sure she does not abuse the husband. what mother in law would consent to the rotten wife walking off with half the family assets after a few years of marriage???
arranged marriage??? what gloria steinem supporter would back that?
Marriage is the joining of two families - like it or not - the kids get grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins from both sides. It makes sense to have arranged marriages when marriage is for the purpose of family and kids, similar values, education levels and social status but it's not Western culture. In Western culture, people prefer to marry near strangers and people from very different backgrounds. We believe that marriage should be based on infatuation of people age 20-30. And because we have the notion that infatuation is very important in making a marriage, we have 40 year olds, 50 year year olds still out dating and trying to get it right.
There are far too many cultural differences in the West that preclude an arranged marriage. Even in countries where it is acceptable there is a growing push by young people to be allowed to make their own decisions.
Obviously some arranged marriages do work and people grow to love one another but if you look at the countries that practice this and compare their general attitudes about women, then you can see how it probably does not favour women at all.
I think there are a lot of misconceptions about arranged marriages. I work with a couple guys from India who are in arranged marriages. Neither case involved the parents bringing a girl over and saying "Here you go, the wedding's next month!" The parents suggested girls that they thought would be a good match, based on any number of things. They were selecting based on similar beliefs, values, status, family situations--all the things that cause divorce in our society. (How many people come on here crying or lamenting the fact that they love their SO, but their in-laws hate them? Or that they're terrified their SO is going to divorce them and take all their money? Or that they can't reconcile religious beliefs? An arranged marriage bypasses those headaches, to some degree)
My coworkers then had the chance to spend time with each girl at family gatherings or events, get to know them, and decide if they wanted to date or not. If not, the parents selected another match. The final say on the marriage belonged to the potential bride and groom. The difference is that there was no casual dating, no dating for experience. Every girl the went out with was a potential wife.
This is probably a more modern take on it, but I feel like some people thing they still sell women for sheep in other countries. Definitely not the way my coworkers describe it, though.
I enjoyed being able to meet and get to know my husband on my own, but I think my parents could have picked out a good guy for me as well.
Seems better to just get married and deal with it if you're stuck with someone you don't like than spend years wasting time dating a bunch of people you don't like on the off chance you'll find someone you like.
Perhaps you need to move to India?
Arranged marriages are not our culture here in America.
arranged marriages are built on respect for family and community and elders.
we dont have that, 50 years ago yes, not now. also arranged marriages in the far east put the mother in law at the throat of the wife to make sure she does not abuse the husband. what mother in law would consent to the rotten wife walking off with half the family assets after a few years of marriage???
arranged marriage??? what gloria steinem supporter would back that?
You do realize most posters here have no clue who Gloria Steinem is? She's a has been, let it go Huck
I think there are a lot of misconceptions about arranged marriages. I work with a couple guys from India who are in arranged marriages. Neither case involved the parents bringing a girl over and saying "Here you go, the wedding's next month!" The parents suggested girls that they thought would be a good match, based on any number of things. They were selecting based on similar beliefs, values, status, family situations--all the things that cause divorce in our society. (How many people come on here crying or lamenting the fact that they love their SO, but their in-laws hate them? Or that they're terrified their SO is going to divorce them and take all their money? Or that they can't reconcile religious beliefs? An arranged marriage bypasses those headaches, to some degree)
My coworkers then had the chance to spend time with each girl at family gatherings or events, get to know them, and decide if they wanted to date or not. If not, the parents selected another match. The final say on the marriage belonged to the potential bride and groom. The difference is that there was no casual dating, no dating for experience. Every girl the went out with was a potential wife.
This is probably a more modern take on it, but I feel like some people thing they still sell women for sheep in other countries. Definitely not the way my coworkers describe it, though.
I enjoyed being able to meet and get to know my husband on my own, but I think my parents could have picked out a good guy for me as well.
You are talking about arranged marriages between educated Indians which differ enormously from a poor Pakistani family for example.
Their more modern version works well in their culture and divorce is not the most terrible thing that can happen. I believe the poorer and less educated countries do not bother to ensure any happiness for their girl children they marry off. Some of the stories of abuse in arranged marriages would make your hair curl.
You are talking about arranged marriages between educated Indians which differ enormously from a poor Pakistani family for example.
Their more modern version works well in their culture and divorce is not the most terrible thing that can happen. I believe the poorer and less educated countries do not bother to ensure any happiness for their girl children they marry off. Some of the stories of abuse in arranged marriages would make your hair curl.
Gotcha, thanks for the clarification.
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Classic.
