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It's a hormonal thing. I presume your friend is late-teens/early-twenties, and still capable of morphing a bit. His body and brain are still capable of subtle growth.
Being bullied/abused/dominated can cause a cascade of bad brain chemicals/hormones, which can stunt growth, inhibit intellectual development, and easily lead to a person's being smaller, physically and mentally, than if that person were in a nurturing/affirming environment. And yes!!! Meeting the right woman can turn a little guy into a big man.
My DH and I met in Weightlifting 101, first semester, freshman year. He was unimaginably ugly and just generally pitiful (and so was I)...scrawny, Ringworm-scarred scalp, so much acne his face looked like Pizza. But we just naturally formed a team...similar life-plan, to see just what we could make ourselves into. We both saw ourselves as less-than-zero, and so just moving past zero would, in our eyes, be a triumph.
We went to everything free offered on campus: Biofeedback training, Modern Dance workshops... we both had come out of extreme poverty, and so living in dorms and eating cafeteria food was, for us, like living in palaces and having meals in a five star restaurant.
He 'got to me' on our first actual date, and instantly, he was 'getting to me' as many times a day as a college freshman is capable of. Between bodybuilding, improved diet, endless sex, and being genuinely and intensely loved (he was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me, and I told him so, incessantly), he blossomed so fast, I was sleeping with a man who was centerfold-worthy, by Spring Break. I was pregnant within weeks after our first date. We married at Christmas. I had our first kid that summer. And so the basically orphaned boy now had a family.
I think his brain grew more than it would have, had he remained the lone, lonely geek. I know his body did. And I wish I'd done like Mistinguett with the fellas under the bridge, and taken a tape measure to him early-on: because I'm pretty sure that the unmentionable zone expanded considerably. The first time I saw a Playgirl (junior year), I felt so sorry for those little guys! And yes. As with your friend, he developed an 'aura'...a glow....probably thicker skin, too (very much an indicator of ample male hormones).
Obviously, the relationship did just as much for me. But when you're working as a team, and your lives become one life, it's hard to decide who gained more, because your gains are shared. I doubt we would have had the money or the motivation to go back for Terminal Degrees, and I'm absolutely sure neither of us would have been 'estate-building' while still in our teens, had we not had the security and sense of purpose that a good marriage gives you. I cannot see myself buying my first 4-plex, in an off-campus slum, if I were single.
Back in those days, SteinMart had Saks Fifth Avenue sales, when boxes of marked-out-of-stock merchandise...Buccellati sterling Tureens crammed in with torn pantyhose and dirty underwear...truly a grab-bag.....would arrive in Greenville Mississippi. I'd go up there in a van with friends, and learned how to dig through the trash for the treasures. Four bucks for an Italian handbag....Six bucks for a silk Pucci dress.... And so I started dressing my fella in Armani and Burberry.
If you were rural dirt poor in 80s Mississippi, you dressed in worn-out K-Mart clothes you picked up at Salvation Army. But suddenly, thanks to the Steins, I was dressing my fella like someone who lived on Park Avenue and summered in Southampton. A stitch here, some glue there, and he was going to class in Ostrich shoes and Cashmere sweaters. I still remember his 'interview suit': Navy chalkstripe Hugo Boss, Hilditch & Key Windsor-collar shirt, Fendi Tie. He generally got the job, or the grant... and we were included in on-campus functions for the rich Alums that people like us just don't get invited to. The U Pres. liked to show us off! By our first graduation, we'd shaken hands with a large percentage of Mississippi's Precious Few. And when we moved to the Capitol, those people remembered us, and would come up and say hello, when our bosses took us out to lunch. I cannot overstate the value of such a thing.
DH started relationships with budding jewelers...he'd barter Cashmere sweaters, or pose for a drawing class, or give tech assistance..., and began supplying me with 'important' pieces of 'artistic value'. Just Papier Mache, at first, but they set me apart from the little nobodies going nowhere, with their tacky 'diamond chips' from the discount jewelers. I might have been just temporary office help, but people remembered me. And they wrote down my name.
We trained each other to have idealized posture. He lost his 'stoop' within months, and was looking muscular long before his muscle mass had made significant gains. Now, even from a block away, and even in sweats, his carriage marks him as The Man to Whom the Others Answer. Getting there was a collaborative effort.
Today, he's still quiet, but in an assured and powerful way. His words are few but purposeful, and uttered in a voice that, together, we got down to an orgasm-inducing rumble. We really worked on that: both the aspect of concise communication, and his voice timbre. Both are extremely difficult to achieve...and really require coaching....very much like a good personal trainer can get you to Muscle Failure on a level you cannot arrive at alone. So now, he pads into a room like a giant Panther, levels his gaze at someone, directs a very few words in his Basso Profundo Orgasmatron voice, and is obeyed.
But I have to wonder if he'd ever have reached the hormonal peak that produced the vocal cords that make that sound, if it hadn't been for me. Either way, though, I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide World....
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 09-04-2010 at 04:48 PM..
Reason: redundancy
But I have to wonder if he'd ever have reached the hormonal peak that produced the vocal cords that make that sound, if it hadn't been for me. Either way, though, I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide World....
Gloria, a great love story and it sounds like you have a great relationship. I would suspect he would argue that it was he who was the luckiest guy.
My wife and I both came from humble backgrounds and we've made an effort to grow together with each other through the years and successes. Others forget this later in life and grow apart, but it doesn't sound like you will.
A wise man told me once... You always need to remember where you came from. That's been great advice for me.
My wife and I both came from humble backgrounds and we've made an effort to grow together with each other through the years and successes. Others forget this later in life and grow apart, but it doesn't sound like you will.
A wise man told me once... You always need to remember where you came from. That's been great advice for me.
Good words.....
I've come from a very very humble background, I was the first in my family to go to college and get a degree, etc etc.
Women worry about the future, until they get married. Men never worry about the future... until they get married.
Now, I won't pretend that's any kind of absolute. In fact, I'd call it unjust and MORE than old-fashioned. However, with regard to the man's part of that saying, there IS some truth to it.
Men who have a moderately shiftless attitude CAN discover that once they're in a relationship to which they're actually devoted, they become concerned -- not so much with just appearances, rather more with RESULTS. This most commonly occurs when a man has a natural provider predisposition. It's a sign that he really cares for this woman and the relationship potential, and has suddenly taken a look around and realized the future is all around him, he needs to get on the ball and make things happen.
There are some who will say "Oh, he's just whipped" -- and it could be true except for one thing: That presence you say came about after he was with this woman for a while. Whipped men improve in dress and hygiene (assuming it was lacking) but they don't develop that presence.
Men who were simply lacking direction but had that potential... a good woman makes them yearn for more, gives them FOCUS, and they become MEN. The women didn't MAKE them men, they simply gave them a reason to make the change.
To bad the old saying is inaccurate and doesn't make sense.
It makes more sense than people would like to admit in our politically correct age, Ron, and it made even more sense once upon a time. I'm not saying it made some kind of grandiose, moral statement or bore absolute accuracy, but it's people with no real powers of observation who tend to live in utter denial that there's ANY truth to some of these old things.
It speaks more of social expectations than ever it would individuals; then again, given the public mentality there is something of a chicken/egg question which arises since social stereotyping is pretty much the same thing as stereotyping in general. These things are prejudicial in nature BUT they didn't spring into existence without rhyme or reason -- rather, through observation of tendency over time.
Well they've been together like 4 months or so and that guy has done a complete 360. His appearance was always ok but now he has a aura to him that wasn't present before. He's now become that person that commands attention when he walks into a room. I really can't describe it but it just seem like he's become a better man since being with my friend.
That'd be 180! 360 lands you just where you were before. Sorry for the math, but as somebody who graduated from such a school after all, I can't help it.
Do you believe in the phrase a woman can turn a boy into a man?
After seeing my friend and her man yesterday, I would have to say I believe the saying holds some truth. When she first met her guy he wasn't bad looking but you could kind of tell he was just going through life without a purpose sort a speak. Some of us were actually a bit surprised she gave the guy a chance.
Well they've been together like 4 months or so and that guy has done a complete 360. His appearance was always ok but now he has a aura to him that wasn't present before. He's now become that person that commands attention when he walks into a room. I really can't describe it but it just seem like he's become a better man since being with my friend.
What? What is this? A woman takes a lonely guy and molds him into exactly what she wants, and this works out better for her than taking some guy with women lined up around the block and trying to change everything about him? Yeah, it is actually pretty freaking obvious. Most lonely guys would change pretty much everything about themselves to get and keep a woman. Doubt me? Look at how many of the guys who post here about "running game" say they only started because they realized they couldn't get women without completely changing how they acted.
While you're sitting around wondering your friend has the man she's always wanted, and it would be that simple for any halfway attractive woman.
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