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Well, we have finally reached the point of divorce. I posted a few months ago how my husband was laid off, he could not find work, we are now homeless, I am recovering from a hysterectomy and we have 3 kids with no prospects. The fighting has become so bad, its intolerable. We lost everything, we have been staying with different relatives, the only work my husband could find was temp. work and its not consistent. Like appears to be hopeless at the moment. My husband refuses to see a counselor, the county has free couseling related to job loss. I don't know what to do anymore.
Sounds like the perfect time to disrupt the family even more while adding an expensive divorce to things, doesn't it?
Is your husband just a lazy, good-for-nothing bum, or is he just having a really difficult time right now? What have you been doing to alleviate the situation rather than exacerbate?
I'm not pretending I know anything at all about your situation BUT you've provided no link to your previous posts and there's very little explanation here other than he's laid off, you're in bad health and you have mouths to feed, things are tense and you're sick of it and figure for divorce.
I see in one of your threads how you were tired of things and that "everything seemed played out." It appears neither of you are taking advantage of these circumstances to make change. Surgery aside you're just like everyone else waiting for opportunities to find you. JMO.
I think the OP's clue is in the last line: She is apparently willing to see a counselor, her husband is not. If one of the parties is screaming loud and clear that he has no interest in doing what needs to be done to repair the problems, there isn't much point in the other party hanging around hoping something will magically change. It won't.
It's funny how people view getting a divorce as being a path to happiness - I know I sure did. I don't know anything about your situation either, but based solely on this thread I'd caution you that if you get a divorce you'll probably still be broke and unhappy. Broke and unhappy while raising children on your own. If your husband has otherwise been a good man, I suggest you explore whether he is suffering from depression due to his unemployment.
Last edited by OngletNYC; 09-05-2010 at 10:39 AM..
I think the OP's clue is in the last line: She is apparently willing to see a counselor, her husband is not. If one of the parties is screaming loud and clear that he has no interest in doing what needs to be done to repair the problems, there isn't much point in the other party hanging around hoping something will magically change. It won't.
That presupposes said counselor will do anything to help.
Guy needs a job, not someone commiserating with him about his job loss.
That presupposes said counselor will do anything to help.
Guy needs a job, not someone commiserating with him about his job loss.
No, it doesn't presuppose that the counselor will do anything to help. It presupposes that the guy is willing to work with his wife to face the challenges together.
It sounds to me as if there is a lot more than just not having a job that's created the problems. And since when does therapy consist of "commiserating"?
Well, we have finally reached the point of divorce. I posted a few months ago how my husband was laid off, he could not find work, we are now homeless, I am recovering from a hysterectomy and we have 3 kids with no prospects. The fighting has become so bad, its intolerable. We lost everything, we have been staying with different relatives, the only work my husband could find was temp. work and its not consistent. Like appears to be hopeless at the moment. My husband refuses to see a counselor, the county has free couseling related to job loss. I don't know what to do anymore.
Since he cannot find work, what about you? Are you trying to find a job also? At the very least it sounds like you have the qualifications to work at a day care center. I don't know where you live, but except for a few places which have NO jobs, there are jobs out there. Even minimum wage would give you the money to live on. If you live somewhere that there are no jobs, then you need to move, which should be easy since you don't have a house payment or rent to worry about.
You should not put all the responsibility on your husband for providing an income. Although I do believe that a man should be the main bread-winner, in emergency situations EVERYONE has to pitch in. If your kids are old enough (12 or older), they can work too (mowing lawns, babysitting, etc.,) to help with the family budget. Nobody gets a free ride.
I realize that you are under a lot of stress, but this is the time to PULL TOGETHER as a family, not give up and destroy everything.
Since he cannot find work, what about you? Are you trying to find a job also? At the very least it sounds like you have the qualifications to work at a day care center. I don't know where you live, but except for a few places which have NO jobs, there are jobs out there. Even minimum wage would give you the money to live on. If you live somewhere that there are no jobs, then you need to move, which should be easy since you don't have a house payment or rent to worry about.
You should not put all the responsibility on your husband for providing an income. Although I do believe that a man should be the main bread-winner, in emergency situations EVERYONE has to pitch in. If your kids are old enough (12 or older), they can work too (mowing lawns, babysitting, etc.,) to help with the family budget. Nobody gets a free ride.
I realize that you are under a lot of stress, but this is the time to PULL TOGETHER as a family, not give up and destroy everything.
20yrsinBranson
Exactly. The children are about to be taught that when the going gets really tough that family cannot be depended upon and responsibility is to be walked away from. You will be treaching your children to be quitters, IMO. Seriously, short of abuse, y'all should be pulling together. Put aside the senseless arguing and bickering and spend time formulating a plan and working on your marriage. Apparently the time to do so is available.
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