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QPT:Some people handle the money better or the cleaning or the diet. Its all about creating the balance TOGETHER to give yourselves a positive healthy future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225
I agree with what you have to say, in bold.
I know that you are into fitness, diet and exercise. So wouldn't you naturally only get involved with guys that do the same? I'm seriously kind of wondering how this would come up?
I'll be the first to admit, that in my marriage, me and my ex really did not know each other all that well before we just became an item. She was in shape because she was young...I was in shape because I played football and worked out. It just never came up before, so I didn't see how it was my right to try and change the habits of something I never knew.
Would be interested to hear your thoughts.
We got together because of just being friends for a year prior. I was thin because I was younger and living in a thin city and what I looked like was my money maker. When I moved I was a working student. He was thin because he just got back from a tour and finished his growth spurt.
We always went out to dinner and rode bikes. Then my knee said "no more"!
Biking burns a crapload of calories. I also had a migraine med which I am not going to fully blame but weight gain was a possible side effect. He started eating meat again too. Calories add up! Before I could get away with eating whatever I wanted. He was skinny fat when I met him though. His body fat is actually lower at his higher weights these days. I think by the way he felt he just was not getting enough protein/nutrients on his vegetarian diet.
I don't know...I have dated a bunch of different types. I never did the co-dependent thing and we had our separate lives in every relationship I had.
I don't really like to pick based on things of interest like that. I prefer to sort on values just because interests can be a passing thing. I really only got into detailed diet and exercise info because I had too or stay fat. Before it was just basics of eat right and do something. I did not bother with details.
I think everyone else in my past was a lot more into exercise/being active than he was. But it still was not something I did together with any of them except the one dude we would rock climb together sometimes. Which usually meant I was just standing on a rock getting freaked out that he was so high. LOL. The rest of the exs were just into skating or surfing and that keeps you thin. I walked a lot more in those times so that seemed to keep me thin. I would just check into a gym if I was flabbity.
Let me tell you a little secret. Every so often, the government changes the definition of overweight and obesity. The last time they did it was 1998 or 1999. I don't remember which, exactly, and I'm too lazy to pull out my clips, but I covered it and remember the outcry of letters to the editor from people who said things along the lines of, "So, yesterday I was fine and today I'm fat? Great." It mostly affected people who missed the cut-off for "overweight" by about 20 pounds, have always weighed what they weigh, are healthy, and look and feel fine. Also, there is a clinical difference between overweight and obesity, and I think that confuses people, too, because the lay press tends to use the terms interchangeably and shouldn't.
Don't get me wrong. The government changed the criteria to fall in line with the mounting evidence that when people have a BMI of X, their risk of developing diseases like cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes goes up Y%, and the numbers were lower than anyone previously thought.
And yes, anecdotally, when a great percentage of the people you see walking down the street are obese, it makes someone who is only 10 or 15 pounds overweight seem svelte. Visually, people tend to judge their own physical flaws on a curve. "I'm not fat. THAT'S fat."
But the numbers and risks are what they are.
Or were.
Now there is mounting evidence that there is a big difference between "fat" and "fit," and that it is entirely possible for someone who has a BMI that puts them in the "overweight" category to be less likely to develop CVD and Type 2 DM than someone with a "normal" BMI.
Such findings are a blinding flash of the obvious to anyone who is a hockey nut--most professional hockey players have high BMIs, but no one would consider them obese and their risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes is low--but hey, things have to be made "official" through studies and data-crunching.
Which then leads us to a fresh new issue. Say your spouse gains 50 pounds, but can run circles around his or her former self.
That happened to me. I put on 20 pounds after I got married. Toward the end, when I had my grand epiphany ("hey, dingbat, do you not read your own articles?") I got into doing The Firm. My weight didn't change. And before anyone says "but your size probably did," neither did my size. However my resting heart rate was 62, one day I accidentally pulled a door off the hinges, and another day, while washing non-disposable hard plastic cups, I twisted one in half. Just broke it. I remember one of my co-workers, who was standing in the kitchen when it happened, look at me like .
But I was still 20 pounds heavier than when I got married and 10 pounds "overweight." Had my then-husband said anything to me about it, I might have twisted him in half, too. Fortunately, for all of his issues, shallowness over 20 pounds and a lack of tact were not among them.
Your resting HR is 62? Wow. (and yes I am serious because its just one of those fitness things that I see and think about always comparing to Lance Armstrong's HR)
I know there is a huge difference between obese and overweight. There is also a few classes of obesity. If you are in the obese category at all there is no doubt as a normal person you definitely need to change things. I think they did that to give classifications to the levels of obesity and the risks they pose. Before it was you were just overweight or you were not.(underweight in there too of course)
BMI is not for athletes. A normal person does not have the body composition of a hockey player. To use that as an example is not really good because its not designed for showing a proper weight of an athletic individual.
But of course studies change when more info is collected. That is the nature of science and health. I would expect that. But I don't need anything to tell me when I see a red faced overweight person that they need to change things. Even if you have a red face and are thin, you diet could be doing somethings to you that are avoidable. Being fat is just like having that red face showing that you are not healthy.
Another thing that people don't think of is that there is a HUGE range of healthy for your size. I can weigh anywhere from 115-150 and be on target for general health. If I would workout like an athlete I could probably get away with 15 more pounds than that and still have a healthy body fat.To me, thats a lot of room to pick your size. I don't really see why its such a problem if you have that huge range to pick from.
The topic of this thread really is a good one. Unfortunately, there are certain posters here with an inability to just stick to the question at hand and instead, let their emotional/reactionary mind take control instead of looking at things from an intellectual and objective point of view. Despite how people feel about this, I am a much bigger person than some and refuse to attack anyone here because of what they say they will do in this situation because there is no right and there is no wrong. It is just what that individual person feels is best for them.
With that being said, I think its best to look at this from two perspectives:
1. Change. I think in any relationship where one person changes dramatically (in any way shape or form), it will cause a great strain on the relationship. Sure, everyone changes, I personally believe that any who say they are the same today as they were 3-5 years ago is not doing a very good job as growing as a person spiritually/mentally/physically. You should be BETTER. In the case of this topic - massive weight gain, people cannot help to expect that the non massive weight gain partner of the relationship would be greatly put off by this. So with a dramatic change, one person in the negative change, it would greatly affect the relationship and more than likely the other person will end it.
2. Ugly. A person who one day is 120 pounds then some time later finds they they doubled or tripled in size will become physically ugly. A person who is ugly on the outside, I find as physically unattractive as a person who is ugly on the inside. Like a person who beats puppies, or steals money, treats people horribly, etc. is very ugly on the inside to me. Ugly is ugly be it physical or internal. It is something that I am NOT attracted to and am actually repulsed by it in a relationship/love/sex point of view.
So, if you find a person who by all means is a great person, you decide that you want to be with them forever, then for whatever reason(s) they make a great change for the worse, and become ugly, would you stay with them? I would not. So, my wife know that if she had "massive weight gain" (as per the OPs example, that I would leave her. Not only because I would become grossed out with her physically and sexually at such in increase in size, especially because for so many years, she was perfect in my eyes, but also (and almost MORESO) because of the change in her personal behavior, change and lack of her personal pride self confidence that she displayed for so many years, and just an overall submittal to a lifestyle that is NOT one that I choose to lead, and one that I believe is right for my children.
But of course studies change when more info is collected. That is the nature of science and health. I would expect that. But I don't need anything to tell me when I see a red faced overweight person that they need to change things. Even if you have a red face and are thin, you diet could be doing somethings to you that are avoidable. Being fat is just like having that red face showing that you are not healthy.
Another thing that people don't think of is that there is a HUGE range of healthy for your size. I can weigh anywhere from 115-150 and be on target for general health. If I would workout like an athlete I could probably get away with 15 more pounds than that and still have a healthy body fat.To me, thats a lot of room to pick your size. I don't really see why its such a problem if you have that huge range to pick from.
Well, yep. That's the point I was trying to make.
Which actually goes back to overweight and obese people knowing it and not needing a spouse getting in their face with it: They know what it feels like to huff and puff up a flight of stairs.
For every well-intentioned health nazi, there is someone itching to slap'em for their blinding flash of the obvious, and usually it's their spouse.
And I wish my resting heart rate was 62 these days. Long story there.
The topic of this thread really is a good one. Unfortunately, there are certain posters here with sakjsf kiwipjspio w90w9jf0w9jdla ajsa skskvwkl skljpa mrah mrah mrah lecture lecture lecture.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Don't hurt your finger with all the wagging now. If you don't like what other people say, you can always put them on ignore. I'm sure they won't mind.
How about the stress of being married to an ahole?
Looks like you didn't think of that.
You wouldn't believe the number of women who cope with a bad marriage by eating. They eat because it's the only thing in their lives that makes them feel nurtured. They eat because they are tired because--say it with me, kids--they work fulltime, come home, and have to do all of the chores while their lazy-arse husbands sit on the couch thinking their own work ended at 5:00.
As for the part about telling the wife how fat she's getting, come on, Denny. Women have mirrors. Women have scales. Women have clothes that have to be replaced in bigger sizes. They don't need their husbands' "helpful suggestions" couched in terms of "a health standpoint" when 99% of the time it's really about the husband's sexual desires and whether he's embarrassed to be seen in public with a fat wife. Get with reality, man!
Gee, this started out as such a nice, gender neutral thread till this uh, birdthing came along.
Just another of the angry embittered perpetual victims seeking to blame everyone else for her problems. "Society made me feel bad about myself!" "Madison avenue hates fat women!" "I had a mean 'ol husband who made me hate myself!"
All of which translates to all men are jerks of course. What would you expect though from someone who obviously loathes herself.
Try looking in the mirror. Nobody did anything to you except you. Quit blaming everyone else for your baggage. You're not an expert on anything except self-loathing.
Oh yeah, women are really the only ones judged on their looks. Only women get ragged for being fat. Only women are held to impossible physical standards. Seen a magazine rack lately? There sure aren't any fat boys on the fitness and health men's magazine covers. What fat matinee idols are out there right now?
Everybody goes through bad times. Everybody encounters bad people in their lifetime. I know I have. Put it behind you and get over it. Spewing hatred all over internet forums seems a pretty pathetic way to cope with your demons.
Just another of the angry embittered perpetual victims seeking to blame everyone else for her problems.
Keep reading. You've got 15 pages of material to go through. You might learn something, though I doubt it. You know what they say about people who assume, and you, kiddo, assume much.
Gee, this started out as such a nice, gender neutral thread till this uh, birdthing came along.
Just another of the angry embittered perpetual victims seeking to blame everyone else for her problems. "Society made me feel bad about myself!" "Madison avenue hates fat women!" "I had a mean 'ol husband who made me hate myself!"
All of which translates to all men are jerks of course. What would you expect though from someone who obviously loathes herself.
Try looking in the mirror. Nobody did anything to you except you. Quit blaming everyone else for your baggage. You're not an expert on anything except self-loathing.
Oh yeah, women are really the only ones judged on their looks. Only women get ragged for being fat. Only women are held to impossible physical standards. Seen a magazine rack lately? There sure aren't any fat boys on the fitness and health men's magazine covers. What fat matinee idols are out there right now?
Everybody goes through bad times. Everybody encounters bad people in their lifetime. I know I have. Put it behind you and get over it. Spewing hatred all over internet forums seems a pretty pathetic way to cope with your demons.
That was a harsh post lacking in compassion and understanding. You obviously fail to understand complicated issues.
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Fortunately, for all of his issues, shallowness over 20 pounds and a lack of tact were not among them.
