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This situation is about my very best friend, Heena. I have known her since childhood. I will cut down the story and give you all the key points; perhaps I will get some advices about what to do. Thanks for listening..
We are from a very conservative society; in the sense that, sex before marriage is looked down up on (like I said, extremely conservative society). But as you all know, nothing will stop the teenagers anyway. My friend was in love with a man, this is about 10 years ago. They intended to get married but the guy asked her to change her religion to his religion post marriage. My friend refused (rightly so). Anyway, by then she was already in a full fledged relationship with this guy for more than 5 years but broke up after that religion-thingy came up.
She got married soon after; an arranged marriage. I think she was still very vulnerable at that time to be married but never mind now. She got married about 5 and half years ago. Her husband was living in a different country and she in another waiting for her visa. Unfortunately, she ended up meeting her ex-boyfriend again and she slept with him, literally less than 1 month post marriage. She was drunk...I know a lame excuse. That’s what I told her but yes, she slept with him once about 5 and half years ago. Since then she never met that ex-BF again and never cheated on her husband again.
She got her visa, joined her husband and never told about this one-night-stand because she was afraid that this would end up in a divorce.
Now...since that day she once cheated on him (close to 6 years ago actually), she had been feeling guilty about it. Now she has 2 year old daughter and is happily married otherwise...
At this point of time, is it advisable for her to tell about her one-night-stand which has happened all those years ago? I think not but she isn’t listening. How should she go about this?
How should anyone deal with this guilt?
This situation is about my very best friend, Heena. I have known her since childhood. I will cut down the story and give you all the key points; perhaps I will get some advices about what to do. Thanks for listening..
We are from a very conservative society; in the sense that, sex before marriage is looked down up on (like I said, extremely conservative society). But as you all know, nothing will stop the teenagers anyway. My friend was in love with a man, this is about 10 years ago. They intended to get married but the guy asked her to change her religion to his religion post marriage. My friend refused (rightly so). Anyway, by then she was already in a full fledged relationship with this guy for more than 5 years but broke up after that religion-thingy came up.
She got married soon after; an arranged marriage. I think she was still very vulnerable at that time to be married but never mind now. She got married about 5 and half years ago. Her husband was living in a different country and she in another waiting for her visa. Unfortunately, she ended up meeting her ex-boyfriend again and she slept with him, literally less than 1 month post marriage. She was drunk...I know a lame excuse. That’s what I told her but yes, she slept with him once about 5 and half years ago. Since then she never met that ex-BF again and never cheated on her husband again.
She got her visa, joined her husband and never told about this one-night-stand because she was afraid that this would end up in a divorce.
Now...since that day she once cheated on him (close to 6 years ago actually), she had been feeling guilty about it. Now she has 2 year old daughter and is happily married otherwise...
At this point of time, is it advisable for her to tell about her one-night-stand which has happened all those years ago? I think not but she isn’t listening. How should she go about this?
How should anyone deal with this guilt?
The Catholics have "Confession" in private to a priest to help get past the need to confess.
She needs to never tell her husband. You be her spiritual leader, let her confess to you and then forgive her. We all make stupid mistakes, no use hurting others to make ourselves feel better.
He may not be able to forgive her and it could destroy her now happy life. That would be a high price to pay.
No, she is not from one of those countries of Honor killing (We are from India, relocated over a decade ago) but I know for a fact that this would end up in a divorce if she opens her mouth. Its really sad though. Since it was an arranged marriage, she hardly knew her husband before marriage. Soon after, even before their love or trust is established he had to leave the country because of work commitments. And then she goes to (I was there too) party, got drunk. I called a cab but I couldnt go drop her off. I had no idea that her ex was aso going home with her. If I knew, I would have stopped her then and there as nothing good can come out of night-alone-drunk-with-ex-BF.
I dont know how to do a confession. How does this work?
Edit: thank you all. I am glad that you all also think she should NOT tell anything now.
This is really a very sad situation. She has been living with this guilt for six years. Probably not a day goes by when she does not think about it. It is natural that she wants to unburden her soul. She believes she would feel better. And initially, she would. It would give her so much relief. For about 30 seconds.
What your friend needs to grasp before she makes any confession to her husband is that her relief will come at a very high price. This news will NOT be relief to her husband. It will NOT be a relief to their friends and family (because this won't stay a secret). It will not be a relief to her two year old daughter to see mommy and daddy screaming bloody murder at each other. This confession would open a whole huge can of fire-breathing worms.
There are some things that people really just don't want to know. That your spouse had a one-night fling with an ex after the wedding is frequently one of them. She has to envision a weigh scale. On one side is her "otherwise happy marriage" and on the other is chaos.
I feel for her. I wouldn't want to be her having to choose one of two very unhappy options: live with guilt or live with the consequences of confessing.
This situation is about my very best friend, Heena. I have known her since childhood. I will cut down the story and give you all the key points; perhaps I will get some advices about what to do. Thanks for listening..
We are from a very conservative society; in the sense that, sex before marriage is looked down up on (like I said, extremely conservative society). But as you all know, nothing will stop the teenagers anyway. My friend was in love with a man, this is about 10 years ago. They intended to get married but the guy asked her to change her religion to his religion post marriage. My friend refused (rightly so). Anyway, by then she was already in a full fledged relationship with this guy for more than 5 years but broke up after that religion-thingy came up.
She got married soon after; an arranged marriage. I think she was still very vulnerable at that time to be married but never mind now. She got married about 5 and half years ago. Her husband was living in a different country and she in another waiting for her visa. Unfortunately, she ended up meeting her ex-boyfriend again and she slept with him, literally less than 1 month post marriage. She was drunk...I know a lame excuse. That’s what I told her but yes, she slept with him once about 5 and half years ago. Since then she never met that ex-BF again and never cheated on her husband again.
She got her visa, joined her husband and never told about this one-night-stand because she was afraid that this would end up in a divorce.
Now...since that day she once cheated on him (close to 6 years ago actually), she had been feeling guilty about it. Now she has 2 year old daughter and is happily married otherwise...
At this point of time, is it advisable for her to tell about her one-night-stand which has happened all those years ago? I think not but she isn’t listening. How should she go about this?
How should anyone deal with this guilt?
She made a bad choice, a mistake. But it would compound that mistake to now put her daughters security in a stable family at risk by telling her husband all these years later.
Tell her to be a big girl and live with learning how to forgive herself BY HERSELF, or with the help of a spiritual advisor.
Dragging her husband into it now would be cruel and hurtful to him with disasterous results for all 3 of them.
Tell her you don't fix one big mistake with an even bigger mistake
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