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Gifts are overrated. You should not expect gifts, and be happy with a suttle gesture of remembrance.
How about if the person (in my case my ex) knows what you like but still puts little effort as possible and gives you crappy things.
I can understand if they're extremely poor but he had enough money to get me something better in all those years wasted... the point is I didn't felt he valued me as a girlfriend at all. I felt he was treating me like your typical pen pal friend or one of his buddies... as if I meant soooo little to him. So is it wrong to say I felt hurt for soooo long?? Because I did.... I've seen how other guys behave around their girlfriends and it really irritated the hell out of me. Why was he giving me everything cheap and not even once take the effort to surprise me... at least once....
Another annoying part was how once he mentioned about buying a golden necklace to an ex and how much it cost...... while my mother was also there. Way to go trying to impress my mother.....
Realistically, if an OP or someone else close to you didn't call on a b-day (and they knew it so it's no accident), never send you anything during the long distance relationship (not even a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year greeting card), doesn't do what they promised, postpones things all the time, has always been cheap, never picks up the items you send them and goes as little as possibly wouldn't that **** out anyone?
Last edited by Sunflower_lol; 09-14-2010 at 10:46 PM..
Gifts are overrated. You should not expect gifts, and be happy with a suttle gesture of remembrance.
I think there should be a balance to everything. Just because I might not have demanded, doesn't mean I deserve to be taken for granted and get crappy things all the time (esp. if the person knows what you like and can do much better).... No one likes that...
My wife and I seldom give each other gifts, even on Christmas and anniversaries. Every day together is a gift, and we are constantly doing nice little things for each other. To us, that's a far better sign of the relationship's health and how we appreciate each other than intermittent larger "recognition" through gifts (though occasionally we get inspired). We're not materialistic, either. We may celebrate a special occasion or holiday with dinner out - or make something special together and stay in.
You said it... seldom and dinner out is a nice detail. This ex of mine never did any of this either. He displayed very little detail, hardly any if possible. He was all too much talk and no action at all. In addition before being on the long distance ex relationship, when we had to hang out he would postpone it (at some point we would hardly ever go out) or come to my house once in a while and leave afterwards after only a short period of time......
My wife and I seldom give each other gifts, even on Christmas and anniversaries. Every day together is a gift, and we are constantly doing nice little things for each other. To us, that's a far better sign of the relationship's health and how we appreciate each other than intermittent larger "recognition" through gifts (though occasionally we get inspired). We're not materialistic, either. We may celebrate a special occasion or holiday with dinner out - or make something special together and stay in.
Ok I have come to the believe that at some point it might take one single person to changed part of you.
Sometimes I can be conceited and have lately started become more demanding (judgmental at times, as well as out-spoken to the point I may overdo it if annoyed enough).
My younger self (old me) used to be rather the opposite. For example: If someone gave me a used clothing as a present, I wouldn't say anything and still say thanks or don't judge someone harshly, be very humble or shy.
This old me is long gone now... anyone meeting me for the first time will get the new version.
I don't think I'll ever be this same person again as I'm enjoying my new version... thanks to someone super, super cheap to the point of showing up empty handed on Christmas 2006 (was beyond mortified/hurt at the time but said nothing but cried later on). Next thing was not calling on one of my birthdays at all or showing up with a small teddy bear from the dollar store for Valentine...... and so on... never an improvement nor changed till I obviously got fed up with it.
I now feel that if I don't demand or act this way.... I'll be treated in the same manner again. But don't you need to demand and ask for more if given less? Or is demanding a terrible trait?
I don't want it to reach to the point of sounding like a demanding materialist but I feel this side of me is increasing now...... or can I ever go back to my old self again (well with that exception that boundaries would be established).
You need to be able to stand up for yourself.
However, at the same time it sounds like you are in danger of taking out your past mistakes and treatment on your future relationships. I ran into some gals like this when dating and there is no way in heck I'm going to bear the burden of a gals prior bad decisions with jerks.
Pretty much that was my #1 pet peeve when dating, gals that dated scum and then showed up with their emotional scar tissue to dates looking like they might taser you at any moment. First date = last date.
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