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Sierra, I agree with you, really ... And, you're 100% right. All of you are. I just don't get it- what is wrong with people that they feel the need to try and control someone, and when they can't they want to hurt them ?? It was a few brief weeks, that's it- not years, not a marriage, not anything remotely serious.
I tell him over and over, "You made it more than it was, you meant nothing to me- I feel sorry for you- in a pathetic way".
Don't tell him anything over and over again. I think you have to consider that he's a very lonely man and you're someone who paid him attention and gave him something special even if just once. He's clearly mentally ill and doesn't think like a normal person. Telling a masochist that he is pathetic isn't going to make him stop calling.
You can't reason with him, mocking and taunting him will accomplish only more phone calls. You could decide to answer only those calls from numbers you recognize.
Don't assume that just because you stop responding to him it will quit because there are countless cases of people who have never even spoken to their stalker being stalked by them for years.
And I completely disagree with asking him to stop as you bringing it on.That's making the stalkers victim responsible for his actions. Don't become a victim. Just cut all ties now and report him, then watch your back and don't let your guard down..
Agreed, she could do everything right, its not a guarantee he'll stop.
A police report should be made, asap, the first question will be "Have you asked him to stop"?
Seek assistance thru Victims Services in your area. Stay safe.
Is this a female thing? Taking pity on someone who's obviously got a screw loose. I feel like if a guy even got a whiff of this kind of crazy from a girl she would be gone and done with. No feelings of guilt or remorse and definitely no more contact.
He is abusive in the sense that his insecurity will be dangerous for you in the future. If you had decided to continue dating him , he would have isolated you from all friends and family and then start physically assaulting you to * keep you in line *
But you chose to recognize he is disturbed.
We can't help all the wounded birds .
I have helped quite a few wounded men and had to STOP because they do turn out to be abusive in the end.
You need NO CONTACT ! No snail mail , no email , no text , no facebook , no twitter , no phone calls , no house visits.
I would say this : " Joe , this is the last time I will be speaking to you. I think you have serious internal problems and I hope you get help for it. You can't love me after 2 weeks. You want to try and possess me and keep me from everyone I love. Good Luck to you "
Thats it ! No more CONTACT. You SEE 2 weeks has turned into 2 YEARS and he will continue robbing your soul and making you sad....
I do feel sorry for him but thats how I got MYSELF into trouble is by feeling sorry for a man .
Last Resort : Restraining Order. USE it if you have to in the end.
He sounds very sick, mentally unstable. Have NO more contact with him. Talk to the Police on how to proceed. Keep asking questions until you get the answers from them that will help you.
A person such as this can change his feelings for you from Love to Hate, in an instant.
Many times a person such as this can find where you live if he is obsessed enough. Please, do watch your back.
I don't know anyone that is perfect and makes no mistakes. We all live life, traveling a long this journey and learn by experience. Certain segments open our eyes and enable us to see more clearly, or practice things differently should they ever happen again. I'm not perfect, but I try and be open to all that life has to offer, and non-judgmental of ones actions.
I agree, I made a mistake by continuing to chat with him now and then, but I felt badly for him and knew he was sick as well as all a lone. In the beginning I wanted to help him - I always, in the beginning, choose my words wisely, and delivered what I had to say with sensitivity since I was fully aware, and still am, how fragile a person he was and continues to be. I tried to plant seeds and get him to see he needed help. Everyone should have someone that cares enough to guide them to a healthier path. However, when i realized I couldn't do that, I removed myself ... He used tools and tricks to lure me back and always in my heart, I felt bad for him .... I realize you are all right, I need to 100% completely disconnect myself, but this does make me a bad person, or deserving in any way of such bad, negative talk or wishful behavior.
I still bad for him, but I am confident there is nothing I can do or say to make it sink in he is sick and needs not a woman, but a therapist. With that, I assure myself and all of you, the personal promise has been established: Never again will I acknowledge any communication from him, ever.
File a police report for what? To say "A former date keeps calling me and I keep answering the phone to talk to him. He even asked to take me out for my birthday! I am too weak to end contact on my own, and changing my phone number seems like a hassle. So please officers, divert our town's tax dollars to making this guy stop calling me. My fellow citizens should be happy to foot the bill... excuse me, he's calling again. I'd better pick up, maybe it's important!"
I'm going to tell it like it is. I think you feel a little flattered by his attention. He is not stalking you. You are leading him on. If you were truly being stalked you would fear for your life and spend most of your time looking over your shoulder. You would not pick up the phone for fear it was him, you would not communicate with him in anyway etc.
Just ignore him at this point.
Crappy situation, but I agree the best thing to do is break all contact. No email, fb, text, anything, even ask your friends to ignore him if they talk to him. If he shows up where you are, then its time to get serious and consider a restraining order, especially since you make him sound extremely desperate, which could be dangerous. Its a shame you seem to have a bleeding heart, which is what is making it a situation for you, the fact that you want to be cordial. Good luck!
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