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Old 09-17-2010, 10:38 PM
 
Location: The Mango Tree
2,117 posts, read 2,913,371 times
Reputation: 2573
This topic seems to be a hot subject in the US right now... so many successful, attractive, intelligent, and cultured women in their 30's and 40's who never met Mr. Right.

My brief thoughts:

Women have obviously changed quite a bit in the past 50 years. We have taken on more roles that were traditionally masculine. However, for us to accommodate those roles, we have had to add a good dose of traditional masculine traits in order to garner success. A top female investment banker or lawyer didn't become that way because she baked everyone in the office cookies. No, she straight up kicked butt and played the field just as well as or better than the boys. That's how it typically is in a traditionally male dominated field. The only exception I can think of off the top of my head is television journalism... but the women's looks and femininity in most cases are an advantage. So to succeed in their careers, women will often adopt more masculine traits and sometimes bring these over from their professional lives into their personal lives without even realizing it... after all, the two are easily intertwined. These women still want the same type of men women a 100 years ago want though - alpha males (ie: strong, masculine, successful, etc.). However, those men don't exactly want to be with women mirroring themselves... they'd rather have a woman who compliments their masculinity with her femininity.

Anyways... I may have just spouted out the most insipid paragraph of the night on this forum... it's late... I'm on medicine.

Oh, and by femininity I do not necessarily mean looks. I'm referring to personality, demeanor, and the way a woman interacts with those around her. Remember the old maxim? A man falls in love with a woman when he loves the way she makes him feel.

 
Old 09-17-2010, 11:55 PM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,431,924 times
Reputation: 14926
Quote:
Originally Posted by mango tango View Post
Oh, and by femininity I do not necessarily mean looks. I'm referring to personality, demeanor, and the way a woman interacts with those around her. Remember the old maxim? A man falls in love with a woman when he loves the way she makes him feel.
I like that. Filing it away to plagiarize.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 12:02 AM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,458 posts, read 3,549,700 times
Reputation: 2711
Quote:
Originally Posted by chica_bella813 View Post
Please help me understand this phenomena--Why are there so many single women over 30?? I know many who are gorgeous, talented, graduated from Universities--some undergrad and others grad school and they find themselves living alone in the home they own with a cat WHY?? They can't find a man to save their life...I don't get it. This is in Florida.
I have plenty of thoughts on this. They have taken so much time to finish their schooling that they are now older. Most qualified men their age are taken, usually by women 5-10 years younger. They are left with the men who simply cannot meet their higher expectations (i.e. younger men who don't want to get married, divorcees, or losers, with the best of these options being the divorcees that were divorced through little fault of their own). It sucks!

And I agree, physically they are gorgeous. Maybe personality-wise they are less likely to be flirty or compromising, so appearing less accessible to men. But this doesn't detract from the fact that they are physically attractive.

Last edited by miyu; 09-18-2010 at 12:11 AM..
 
Old 09-18-2010, 11:44 AM
 
27,365 posts, read 20,716,917 times
Reputation: 24718
Quote:
Originally Posted by mango tango View Post
This topic seems to be a hot subject in the US right now... so many successful, attractive, intelligent, and cultured women in their 30's and 40's who never met Mr. Right.

My brief thoughts:

Women have obviously changed quite a bit in the past 50 years. We have taken on more roles that were traditionally masculine. However, for us to accommodate those roles, we have had to add a good dose of traditional masculine traits in order to garner success. A top female investment banker or lawyer didn't become that way because she baked everyone in the office cookies. No, she straight up kicked butt and played the field just as well as or better than the boys. That's how it typically is in a traditionally male dominated field. The only exception I can think of off the top of my head is television journalism... but the women's looks and femininity in most cases are an advantage. So to succeed in their careers, women will often adopt more masculine traits and sometimes bring these over from their professional lives into their personal lives without even realizing it... after all, the two are easily intertwined. These women still want the same type of men women a 100 years ago want though - alpha males (ie: strong, masculine, successful, etc.). However, those men don't exactly want to be with women mirroring themselves... they'd rather have a woman who compliments their masculinity with her femininity.

Anyways... I may have just spouted out the most insipid paragraph of the night on this forum... it's late... I'm on medicine.

Oh, and by femininity I do not necessarily mean looks. I'm referring to personality, demeanor, and the way a woman interacts with those around her. Remember the old maxim? A man falls in love with a woman when he loves the way she makes him feel.
You made some good points. Another possible reason that by no means applies to everyone but that is common enough to be a problem is when a woman is used to taking care of herself and then meets a man who is just going to be too much work. Sometimes women expect an adult man to have grown up and learned to take care of himself. You might meet a man who has a great personality, sex is good, etc., everything seems great in the beginning, but then you find he doesn't seem to have the ability to make himself a sandwich, or operate a washing machine, or clean a toilet...it gets old after a while. He might be resentful because his expectations are that a woman is supposed to do all those things, and her expectations are very different, and the relationship just doesn't gel.

I don't really know if that's the case for never-married women, but I know this comes up in conversations amongst divorced women.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 12:45 PM
 
400 posts, read 402,715 times
Reputation: 459
These mostly sound like personal problems with your friends.

It seems like church is a bad place for them. I'm not religious but it seems like the kind of men going to church are family oriented and are looking for wives that can run a family and...frankly are younger. It didn't surprise me when you said they had slim pickings there, when I envision your average church going male looking to get married I do not envision some one looking for a older assertive high powered career woman with a taste for expensive cars, jewelry and travel. Those things are the exact opposite of what a man looking to have children wants. (which I'd hazard a guess is important to most Christian men looking for marriage, or even non-christian men looking to get married)

Women have made great progress in the work force, however it seems none of them are willing to "marry down". If they have a great high paying career and a ton of education they see anyone that doesn't have at least as many accomplishments as their own to be beneath them. The trouble with this mindset is twofold.
1) Wealthy accomplished men are by rare, so there aren't a lot of them to find
2) While they find wealth/career accomplishment extremely important in potential mates...the men they seek likely do not value those same attributes. High powered career men may not want what amounts to a competitive agent as a mate, and men in general don't actually care that much what a woman does for a career.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 09:23 PM
 
1,083 posts, read 829,986 times
Reputation: 673
Quote:
Originally Posted by queensgrl View Post
Women have changed. Men haven't. It will take a few generations before their expectations of each other are more closely aligned. Until this happens you will continue to have women who want higher education and careers, and men who want someone more traditional. I see many men who need who are sorely lacking in their ability to keep up with their female peers. They don't take school seriously, they have adolescent minds in grown men's bodies and don't realize what it means to be with a mature woman. In my opinion this happens way before age 30. I see it at the community college where I work with the late teens/early 20-somethings.
Men have changed. I think men have realized the cost of getting married and the laws/rulings that are stacked against them in divorce settlements and in the custody and child support arrangements. I think this is a growing concern among man who don't want to get married or have gotten married and divorce, only to say, "Never again".

Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post

To answer the larger question - and I am speaking of women over 35 - I think a lot of them who actually want to be married passed on early suitors thinking that something better would come along. But they were wrong, there wasn't a better choice out there, and as they continue to age the pickings start to get slim. Next thing they know, they turn 40 and are on the used goods market. Things probably look pretty grim here if you are single, not divorced! (It's like shopping for a new suit at the Salvation Army. Everything is damaged, even if you don't see the missing button at first glance. Yes I am talking about myself as well as the guys. I figure I earned my place here - it would really suck if I didn't.)

I have a business colleague who claims to be 36 - I think she's lying and is 38 - who still thinks she is going to find a handsome, never-divorced, six-figure guy so she can get married and start a family. I think she is being delusional and will find herself on the used good market too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by j_jimerino View Post

Women have made great progress in the work force, however it seems none of them are willing to "marry down". If they have a great high paying career and a ton of education they see anyone that doesn't have at least as many accomplishments as their own to be beneath them. The trouble with this mindset is twofold.
1) Wealthy accomplished men are by rare, so there aren't a lot of them to find
2) While they find wealth/career accomplishment extremely important in potential mates...the men they seek likely do not value those same attributes. High powered career men may not want what amounts to a competitive agent as a mate, and men in general don't actually care that much what a woman does for a career.
Bingo.

A man that makes at least six-figures alone (never mind a wealthy man that can afford the $50,000), regardless of his looks or even less-than-admirable character, is very attractive to a wide age range of women. They can pick up the pretty 20-somethings.

The supply of successful men is in short demand in comparison the pool of possible women they can have. Throw in the fact that men don't, in general, quite have the same intensity of wanting, if at all, a wife and kids that women do, makes it even harder.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 09:29 PM
 
Location: FL
2,392 posts, read 3,252,519 times
Reputation: 1227
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I have plenty of thoughts on this. They have taken so much time to finish their schooling that they are now older. Most qualified men their age are taken, usually by women 5-10 years younger. They are left with the men who simply cannot meet their higher expectations (i.e. younger men who don't want to get married, divorcees, or losers, with the best of these options being the divorcees that were divorced through little fault of their own). It sucks!

And I agree, physically they are gorgeous. Maybe personality-wise they are less likely to be flirty or compromising, so appearing less accessible to men. But this doesn't detract from the fact that they are physically attractive.
Ding, ding, ding. Winner. Single women in their 30s are definitely less flirty or compromising and not being flirty hurts them b/c they miss out on guys there age that are eligible and looking for a mature woman. And they are sexy, they just don't want us guys to pay too much attention to that.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 09:45 PM
 
3,424 posts, read 3,364,212 times
Reputation: 1773
successful career women just arent as attractive to men as successful career men are to women...its just not a criteria for men as much as beauty and perhaps youth is...and there just dont seem to be as many women who are willing to date a man on a lesser career level...women still have some catching up to do in that regard...Career driven females are in a lose lose proposition in terms of market value if they wait until they are established in careers and refuse to date down...From the sounds of it, they should just continue to be content as sex buddies and drop the horse and carriage bit.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,419 posts, read 1,178,985 times
Reputation: 1473
I have three single women friends in their 40's. They are very attractive, educated and interact with many people through their careers.

The only one who dates on a regular basis is dating guys who are unemployed, are alcoholics or need a mom, not a girlfriend.

So while I agree that the pickings are slim...there are some good men out there.

The two that don't date are wonderful women...but they are afraid of putting themselves out there. They would love to be involved- but either they never knew or have forgotten how to be socially AND sexually intimate.
 
Old 09-19-2010, 10:34 AM
 
872 posts, read 1,258,804 times
Reputation: 302
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicket View Post
I have three single women friends in their 40's. They are very attractive, educated and interact with many people through their careers.

The only one who dates on a regular basis is dating guys who are unemployed, are alcoholics or need a mom, not a girlfriend.

So while I agree that the pickings are slim...there are some good men out there.

The two that don't date are wonderful women...but they are afraid of putting themselves out there. They would love to be involved- but either they never knew or have forgotten how to be socially AND sexually intimate.

they are probably acceptable not attractive, over 30 and its downhill youth and beauty are almost proportional to each other, they are just proxies for a reproductive mate. When reproductive years are gone or close to being gone. there s little need to pair off with an infertile mate when there are younger more fertile mates around

men know whats attractive and its often not what women want it to be or try to tell us
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