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So the OP is supposed to hook up with someone RIGHT QUICK so she can avoid possibly becoming a 50-year-old who somehow is exactly like your 50-year-old friend who, for possibly a million different reasons that have absolutely zero to do with the OP, went out on ONE date with a horny 70-year-old?
I am just not getting the logic. I thought grabbing someone who runs by and seems basically okay due to terrors of being "old and alone" was how many marriages ended up in divorce. So she should grab someone because some chick she doesn't know on a message board knows someone (or says she knows someone) who is 50 (waaaaaaaaay older than the OP is now) and had an old man (ewww, gross...was that the reaction everyone was supposed to have?) ask her to have sex with him?
Recipe. For. Disaster. (Each word is its own sentence fragment for emphasis.)
Also, I don't understand, Onglet...You're significantly older than the OP and are making no moves, as I see it, to hurry and grab a likely "forever" candidate. Right? That's a subject for another thread but it does throw a huge monkeywrench into things.
I don't think trying to terrify the OP into staying in a pretty darned bad relationship will make anything work out better. For anybody. I'm sorry. I just don't agree with your outlook.
ETA: Sorry, it was VanillaGorilla that Onglet was answering, not the OP. That could be confusing so I thought I'd clarify that I made a mistake there.
I never said the OP should do anything... in fact I don't see where the OP said anything about wanting to be married at all. Why are you assuming that she does?
But WHY would one be miserable if a life of singledom was what they wanted? Wouldn’t they just be doing what made them happy?
Because no woman truly wants a life of singledom. Everything you read in the women's magazines, all those Sex in the City episodes... those were lies. I'm giving you the truth.
Afraid that goes two ways. Many women out there are as equally bitter. Only thing to do is not to give up. Don't they say a girl has to kiss a lot of frogs until she finds her Prince?
At the end of the day I think both men and women believe their own hype a little too much. Here in America anyway, where we have all been raised to believe we are special and unique like a snowflake who deserves only the best. On a scale of 1 to 10, most of us are 5s and 6s, but we think we are 8s and 9s. Delusional about who were are, and entitled to the best.
The crux of the issue is that what men find attractive in women is directly tied to their fertility. That's the long and short of it. When women push off settling down until they're fertility is about shot, well, there won't be many men willing to settle down with them. What they should be doing is focusing on settling down and having their kids first and then doing the career thing.
Unrealistic. Women in their 20s should be told they have to make a choice: successful career or successful motherhood.
Having both is truly rare, because your prime years to give birth are also the years in which you would be building up a career. If you wait until your kids are most self-sufficient, you will already be by-passed at work by so much you will never catch up. Flip side, build up your career first then decide to have kids, you are old enough that you have to be a crazy, desperate dater who must glom on to whatever man comes along. Either that or start getting into heroic measures.
If you are one of those women who times it out right and does both at the same time, there is a high likelihood that you will earn less money than everyone else because your attention is divided (as well it should be). This wouldn't be a problem in my eyes, but most women get very angry about this and start screaming about "Equal pay for equal work" laws even though the work they are doing isn't equal in the slightest.
"You can have it all" is a lie. One should be your goal, and the other is a side project. For this to work we women have to stop looking down on the women who take the different path. Being a SAHM is just as good as climbing the corporate ladder and vice versa.
Unrealistic. Women in their 20s should be told they have to make a choice: successful career or successful motherhood.
Having both is truly rare, because your prime years to give birth are also the years in which you would be building up a career. If you wait until your kids are most self-sufficient, you will already be by-passed at work by so much you will never catch up. Flip side, build up your career first then decide to have kids, you are old enough that you have to be a crazy, desperate dater who must glom on to whatever man comes along. Either that or start getting into heroic measures.
If you are one of those women who times it out right and does both at the same time, there is a high likelihood that you will earn less money than everyone else because your attention is divided (as well it should be). This wouldn't be a problem in my eyes, but most women get very angry about this and start screaming about "Equal pay for equal work" laws even though the work they are doing isn't equal in the slightest.
"You can have it all" is a lie. One should be your goal, and the other is a side project. For this to work we women have to stop looking down on the women who take the different path. Being a SAHM is just as good as climbing the corporate ladder and vice versa.
This was a great post. It should also be noted that, as they say, we make our plans and the gods laugh. No matter what your goals are, it doesn't always work out the way we wanted it to.
I had no ambition in life other than to be a wife and mother. I didn't even go to college--there seemed to be no point. (More school? What?).
I have been successful in a career and I'm not exactly sure why, because it's not what I ever wanted, but it sure came in handy when I went from wife to ex-wife and had to support a daughter! But OngeletNYC is right--you can't do both perfectly. I am very fortunate in that I lived in a four-generational extended family situation from which my kid benefitted immensely. But as I said, that was never part of my plan. So set your goals, but do some what-iffing and know what the alternatives are.
This can be part of the problem. They read us these stories when we are little girls (well, nowadays they watch the stories on Disney DVDs) about how the handsome, perfect prince will come along and set eyes on the beautiful princess and fall madly in love on sight and despite hardships they will end up together because it is just meant to be.
What a crock.
But women believe it, believe that there is someone out there just for them, the perfect man, and someday the fairy godmother or reasonable facsimile thereof is going to work magic so they find each other.
This is when it's time for Reality-Check Man to swoop down with his big rubber bat and whack them on the head.
*Yawn*
Here we go again, another post in the "women are morons who are incapable of thinking" category.
Women are just as capable as men to distinguish between fantasy and reality. If you don't believe that men run the risk of developing unrealistic expectations from viewing porn or reading fantasy novels, then there is no reason for you to believe that women's brains are so fragile that they should be confined in a strait-jacket of steely-eyed realism from early childhood. Fantasy is not dangerous to most people; it's a natural outlet, especially for children who are only coping with the trauma of adjusting to the real world. An excess of anything is a bad thing -- and teaching a little girl that she "isn't all that" and should keep her standards and aspirations low is just as damaging as raising her as a spoiled brat with an inflated sense of entitlement. Can't we have some kind of moderation here? Allow children to be children, and both children and adults to fantasize from time to time about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell? Is that really too much to ask?
It's bad enough when our resident misogynists infantilize women; it's worse when women validate their ludicrous ideas.
Unrealistic. Women in their 20s should be told they have to make a choice: successful career or successful motherhood.
Having both is truly rare, because your prime years to give birth are also the years in which you would be building up a career. If you wait until your kids are most self-sufficient, you will already be by-passed at work by so much you will never catch up. Flip side, build up your career first then decide to have kids, you are old enough that you have to be a crazy, desperate dater who must glom on to whatever man comes along. Either that or start getting into heroic measures.
If you are one of those women who times it out right and does both at the same time, there is a high likelihood that you will earn less money than everyone else because your attention is divided (as well it should be). This wouldn't be a problem in my eyes, but most women get very angry about this and start screaming about "Equal pay for equal work" laws even though the work they are doing isn't equal in the slightest.
"You can have it all" is a lie. One should be your goal, and the other is a side project. For this to work we women have to stop looking down on the women who take the different path. Being a SAHM is just as good as climbing the corporate ladder and vice versa.
*applauds* I agree i here the complaint line from some of my friends too. What they fail to factor in is the time they take off, they don't stay late, they never work weekends, etc etc etc. Equal pay should be for equal work....not equal pay for the same job. Where is the incentive there anyway if you do that?
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free is no longer a question. Now it's women asking why buy the pig when all you get is a little sausage?
I know... but it's just how some men like myself think.... If I was going to sign up to be a husband/father I don't want to sign up with a woman who's been with a lot of different men prior to me.
I think one of the reasons for that is that a man can have sex with many women but not fall in love with any of them, but for a woman, so I have been told, it's different, in that, a woman will form a bond/emotional attachment for a guy that did a good job of screwing her brains out. I have seen this in action where guys call up x lovers while she's with her new man and she comes crawling back to her x just for some good sex.
Also, I have not been with a lot of women, so I feel that I can seek out a woman who has ruffly the same amount of sexual experience as myself.
Oh really and how many many do you think call their exes up for a quick night booty call i might ask? The pendulum swings both ways my friend...and generally us girls don't stray if we are happy at home. You are fine because you want an equal. But many guys have no issues with banging 40 girls....but get upset god forbid their gf had more then 3 partners
I honestly believe that to each its own, I honestly do not worry for anyone's choices but mine.
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So she should grab someone because some chick she doesn't know on a message board knows someone (or says she knows someone) who is 50 (waaaaaaaaay older than the OP is now) and had an old man (ewww, gross...was that the reaction everyone was supposed to have?) ask her to have sex with him?
