Submissive men in Female-led relationships (single, straight, different, interested)
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I have a few friends that are submissive to their wives. Usually I’ve noticed that these are men in relationships where the roles are reversed in that the woman is the primary breadwinner and provider. I’ve noticed that their wives make the final determination on what they do and where they go or travel to as a couple. The interesting thing is that they deny that it’s occurring and still attempt to assert that they are the man and leader in the household despite the behaviors that prove otherwise. That shows me that subconsciously the urge to be masculine is there in them but they don’t have the balls to assert themselves as such.
It’s awkward and unnatural to me to submit to and allow myself to be led by my woman but if that works for those type of guys and they’re content with it, that’s fine with me. I will say that despite feminism, the majority of women I’ve encountered still tend to prefer masculine, confident men.
Masculine means bossy and controlling and making all the decisions?
To be clear, this thread isn't about being opinionated or who has the upper hand in a relationship. I am talking about a very specific thing: male submission to female authority in a relationship.
The idea of authority in a relationship is baffling.
Isn't it though. It seems like an easy way out to put one person in charge, rather than advocating for your needs, respecting his or hers, and striving to make both parties at least content. You know, like we're civilized.
I know this might sound crazy but how about decisions are made in a relationship with compromise and also depending on who might have more expertise in a certain area
If the other person is more knowledgeable about something but the other person makes the final call because of their genitalia that just sounds stupid to me.
If you’re an adult but just blindly follow your partner with everything to me that’s more a parent child relationship then romantic one.
This is exactly how my relationship with my G/F is and I wouldn't have it any other way, and neither would she. Actually, I don't really have a problem with people having whatever they want whether it's like this or having traditional gender roles. The problem I have is people who make disparaging comments like "he's not a real man" if it doesn't match up with their thinking.
I know a lot of couples like this. It tends to be the norm these days in the corporate world. Too many guys are henpecked into oblivion, dad bods and all, and let their wives run the relationship. All the cliche nonsense like “happy wife happy life right haha,” spouted about as they go home to social schedules predetermined by their wives and once a week duty sex.
Submissive men give up what made them attractive in the first place to appease their wives complaining when what the wives really want is a man that stands up for himself and his happiness. Wife complaining that Tuesday night hockey is taking too much time away from the family? Submissive men give it up. Wife complaining that you spend too much time in the gym? Submissive men stop going. Wife complaining that your hobbies are stupid, dangerous, or insert any nonsensical complaint? Submissive men quit what made them themselves. Sooner or later submissive men are left with a potbellied shell of what they used to be and little time for themselves.
One of my fellow DJs at the club I used to spin at back home would always show me the texts his wife would send complaining that he was choosing to DJ on a Friday night. He said that she knew the deal when she signed up and he wasn’t going to stop now. This is the right move. Women will move to monopolize your time and will respect you less if you allow it. It’s a weird phenomenon where their immediate wants, if appeased, will deteriorate their future feelings for you. Side note: by all appearances, this is a very happy couple that I spent a lot of time with.
Lesson learned: don’t be a submissive male. It’s not attractive and contrary to what you think, your wife or LTR wants it that way
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWings18
You can’t. The key is to not get to a point that your wife finds you unattractive. Aka don’t become a submissive, supplicating, weak partner.
An interesting pair of posts.
I’d consider myself a submissive husband. I’m not afraid of my wife and she doesn’t walk all over me. Still, she is very headstrong and in her own words, wants to be in control. We have a great marriage too. It’s only been in recent years where I’ve grown consciously submissive to her. The turning point was when she lost a lot of weight and a very confident personality emerged. Since then she’s gained all that weight back but the confident and assertive personality remained. I’ve just sort of gone with it. I welcome it even.
The thing is things have been better for us because we don’t argue over much at all. And since I don’t oppose her on a lot of things when I actually do weigh in with a strong opinion she is receptive to it. Case in point: we sold one home and bought two this year for a work related move. I was adamant about not renting and even though she had some reservations about two mortgages she followed my lead on what is a pretty big decision.
Being submissive in my case also isn’t “giving up what made me attractive to her.” As for the once a week “duty sex” I work away from our primary home for now (hence buying two homes) and only get weekends with her. If I’m getting sex once a week when I’m only with her two days out of seven I’m probably doing better than most!
She also doesn’t monopolize my time. That would be hard to do in our current situation but even when we’re together I still watch football (if I choose to) and do things I enjoy. Not only that but she signed off on my purchase of a nearly $1,000 kayak this summer, even insisted I not wait until next summer. Even though she is pretty firmly in control in our relationship I can’t tell you how often I have other guys tell me how lucky I am for the stuff I have free reign to do.
Outside of my relationship I am actually quite assertive and a type-A personality. I work in a near zero-defect environment and currently manage my own branch where I work. Of course I have a boss but I work virtually as independently as I choose to. My position is such that I am often sought out for my input or opinion on matters not all of which are in my Lane. It also requires a lot of coordination sometimes with others senior to me and with difficult personalities. It takes a type-A to keep afloat in this environment. This is a big part of why I welcome being submissive at home. I can flip a switch and be in “compliance mode” and it’s a nice break and complete mental departure from work.
So my response to your conclusions is don’t seek to be dominant or submissive regardless of gender. Seek the relationship dynamic that works for you and your partner.
I think someone needs to be in control of different aspects of a relationship. Not control like one person can't do anything without the other, more like someone takes control of paying the bills, someone controls making sure the house/yard work gets done, someone controls meal making, etc.
Sort of like a division of labor. I'm the control freak in my relationship, so I that might my my husband seem submissive. But he's not. He is a full partner in our relationship. He let's me run with stuff, and reigns me in when needed. I do not run his overall life, but I do tend to run our lives together. (Very similar to the poster above).
My ex did an odd thing where he would manipulate me into taking tons of responsibility, but talk about how I was "in charge" and that I was the "officer" and he was the "NCO" in our family and stuff. He acted like he put me on a pedestal sometimes, but the thing was...if I asked him for help with anything, or tried to involve him in adult or parenting decisions, I'd get a blast of nasty attitude, sarcasm, over the top reactions, complaints, anger, just...he made it SO unpleasant to involve him in anything, that I was sort of trained not to. And when it came to household tasks, he often did them so poorly (on purpose, I think) that I didn't want to ask. I mean, if getting him to do the dishes means that he'll break not only dishes but also the dishwasher, or let them pile up for days, then it's so much easier just to take on the task, than to fight with him about it.
So I felt that I was manipulated into being the only adult, while he would be able to come home and play, drink, get high, like a teenager and not have responsibilities. I handled all of the bills, most of the parenting, most of the housework, even when I worked full time and he was unemployed. I felt like I had to, so I stepped up and got the job done. Sometimes just feeling like "the adult" felt like being the dominant partner, especially when I was making a lot of our life decisions in various areas, but... it wasn't anything I really wanted.
It's a big contrast now, because the man I am with is so used to living independently, rather than having a mommy-woman around to do things for him, that I'm super relieved that he doesn't need me to cook for him, he can make his own food. He keeps his part of the house clean; we have our own spaces. Does his own laundry, grocery shopping, and plans events and activities he wants to do. I still do most of the housework in the shared areas of the home, but my cat makes more messes than my man does, so it's no big deal if I'm vacuuming the carpet. I feel like I have another adult (granted, kind of roommate-ish at times) in my life, rather than a troublesome child. Sometimes he even helps me without being asked, and if I ask, he steps right up with no complaint. It's incredible.
So in some of these situations I would ask the woman, "So you feel like you're in control and you're the dominant and leading partner. Is that truly the case, or are you enabling irresponsible behavior by taking on the role of The Adult, just because SOMEBODY has to...?" But I think deep down, we know. Even if things seem to be going ok, you feel the resentment deep in your gut when you're living like that.
The idea of authority in a relationship is baffling.
Yeah. We still don't have an answer from whoever resurrected this dead thread, as to why they're still thinking in 1950's terms, about relationships. Few people do that anymore.
I think a relationship would fair better without those labels.
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