Why do people (men) lie? (dating, wife, women, lover)

[movin'on]

I don't want to have to confront this person I've been involved with for over a year. He just lied again today. He stopped by and I wasn't here and he told me he wanted to take me to X restaurant for lunch, which just happens to be on the other side of town. Additionally, he got the type of food wrong. I think he was just checking up on ME. There's some projection for you.

This is not the first time he's lied. But it seems pointless for me to sink to the level of some screaming match (would be the result) if I did. There's one more lie I'm waiting on Wednesday and that's it. I'm trying not to rock the boat until after Wednesday. I've already started the counseling thing which he doesn't know about. No, that's not a lie. I just need to figure out how this happened.

At any rate, why lie about things like age, lunch, passports, mother's birthdays. I know, I know, because he's probably just a liar and a cheat but I've never been able to pin anything on him (just the age thing and now the today thing. I think a lot of people shave a few years off, even if I don't).

[VillageLife]

Because he is insecure about life,he would pretend that way to find a way to cope with life

[movin'on]

Originally Posted by dragonten

Because he is insecure about life,he would pretend that way to find a way to cope with life

He's got a huge ego that borders on narcissistic. He tells me how all the youngsters are coming out in droves after him.

I went to this thingy tonight to look for inspiration to move on. I realize I don't need more of a reason, but I have cared. I just hate being lied to.

I find it impossible to believe he's insecure. The narcissist/mind game thing is the only thing I can come up with. But like "they" said today, if you understand it you get the booby prize and stuck.

I'm just looking for the high road out that will cause (me) the least amount of damage, at this point. He'll be just fine.

To be fair, it's not just men. There are certain lies that everyone understands like, honey, do I look fat in this dress or...have you beat your wife lately? But the other lies are just icky.

[sun queen]

I know why men lie...because their mouths are cut cross-ways!!!! ha haa ha No fellas don't get your undies in a bunch I am just joking. But we all know men lie and they typically have a reason for it. U know like cheating. On the real side maybe this guy is one of those compulsive liars and he just can't help himselfor maybe he is trying to conceal multiple identities. If I see a guy who is just a liar plain and simple with no intentions of telling the truth about anything I distance myself from him. U don't have to getting into a shouting match or anything like that just keep him at arms length. After u get enough distance between u and him just walk away and don't look back. Good luck

[SandyCo]

Men lie because it's more convenient to tell you what they think you want to hear. This reminds me of a man I was involved with. We lived in the same apartment complex, so it was easy for me to know when he wasn't home, etc. I'd ask him, "What time did you get home?" "12:30." "No, you didn't; it was 3:30!" "I lost track of time." By three hours?! I think not! (By the way, these times are a.m., not p.m.!)

I'd call him on it every time he lied to me, and he never stopped! I just stopped caring and stopped asking. Why bother asking when the answer would probably not be truthful? To this day, though, I don't understand why he did that, especially when I probably already knew! He also had a double standard; he never liked me going out late, etc.

[FeelGood]

Originally Posted by movin'on

Additionally, he got the type of food wrong. I think he was just checking up on ME.

Wow, men are human too.*

Originally Posted by movin'on

This is not the first time he's lied. But it seems pointless for me to sink to the level of some screaming match (would be the result) if I did. There's one more lie I'm waiting on Wednesday and that's it. I'm trying not to rock the boat until after Wednesday. I've already started the counseling thing which he doesn't know about.

That's great to have self-control! Counseling, makes me wonder how long you two were dating. If it's over...it's over darling.

Originally Posted by movin'on

At any rate, why lie about things like age, lunch, passports, mother's birthdays.

Was it a lie...or just kidding around? People that are uptight are unable to understand a joke. Don't know if you're uptight or not, nor am I implying that you should unclench your butt cheeks.

Originally Posted by movin'on

I know, I know, because he's probably just a liar and a cheat but I've never been able to pin anything on him (just the age thing and now the today thing. I think a lot of people shave a few years off, even if I don't).

Has he cheated on you? Proof is needed, princes. What age thing are you referring too? Is the age thing your issue...sense YOU brought it up?

Originally Posted by movin'on

He's got a huge ego that borders on narcissistic. He tells me how all the youngsters are coming out in droves after him.

True! Most men have ego issues. A few women have ego issues too. This dude is saying: hey babe...I'm wanted and if you don't treat me right, there's plenty more where you came from, dear.

Originally Posted by movin'on

I went to this thingy tonight to look for inspiration to move on. I realize I don't need more of a reason, but I have cared. I just hate being lied to.

Nobody enjoys a lie...unless you're a lawyer! Maybe you're a bit more needy than this guy accepts. You're needs are left unmet and the longer you two stay together...the longer you hurt each other. If you care for yourself and this guy...break it off today...without ever going back!

Originally Posted by movin'on

I find it impossible to believe he's insecure. The narcissist/mind game thing is the only thing I can come up with. But like "they" said today, if you understand it you get the booby prize and stuck.

I'm just looking for the high road out that will cause (me) the least amount of damage, at this point. He'll be just fine.

To be fair, it's not just men. There are certain lies that everyone understands like, honey, do I look fat in this dress or...have you beat your wife lately? But the other lies are just icky.

HA! Mind games, eh? "They" must be the experts, right? LOL
If you're looking for the high road...you just stepped past it! The title of the thread gives the leading impression that men are the issue. If you're truly concerned with 'him' being fine, why won't you have 'the serious talk' with him and be truthful about your feelings...?

Just because someone understands the white lies, doesn't make it right. Accepting some lies and not accepting others is sooo hypocritical.

*= I am expressing an controversial opinion without attacking anyone.

[coollady141974]

Ummm...trust is a major factor in a relationship and a year is not a long enough time to be at this point. Get rid of him and move on. Life is too short to be stuck on this. If he ws your husband, it would be different, but he's not even close.

Don't wait until Wednesday. Call him now, say you don't trust him and that he's moving on. Little lies lead to big ones and no lie is acceptable. Move on now, the sooner the better.

Good luck!

[Roaddog]

Why do men lie? For the same reason women lie.

[june 7th]

You said:

"I find it impossible to believe he's insecure. The narcissist/mind game thing is the only thing I can come up with."

Trust me on this one: Narcissistic individuals, despite how they may appear, ARE INHERENTLY INSECURE. Their narcissism is a defense against vast insecurity. Perhaps that is also why he lies to you.

Perhaps one question would also be "Why do you continue to have a relationship with him when he continually lies and you feel uncomfortable about that?"

Hope this helps, if just a bit....

[BlueVueRacer]

If you haven't been with him a long time and you aren't attached to him, what does it matter. Do you have a ring? If not, then he doesn't have to be truthful. There are many reasons for people to be standoffish. So they won't be too attached, or maybe their former lover was a stalker, who knows, if you are just friends, doesn't matter at all, if there is no commitment, then there is no problem. Go out with other people. I can see you being a little upset if you have a commitment and you are getting serious, but if it isn't there yet, then who cares.........