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Old 09-18-2010, 02:37 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,142 posts, read 2,476,904 times
Reputation: 2507
Default What is it with men who love drama?

Last year I briefly dated a guy who had been my high school boyfriend once upon a time. We reconnected online and he had just ended a miserable five year relationship that he seemed thrilled to be out of so the timing seemed good for a relationship.

Well, I was wrong We lasted about five months. It was a long distance relationship so that was a factor, as well as several other things. The main two reasons for me ending the relationship were his unhealthy lifestyle (very overweight with assorted preventable health issues) and his unwillingness to cut the ties with his ex-girlfriend. He paid her bills and was available everytime she needed help with anything. He would tell me that "we were together five years and she can't do xyz on her own" He canceled two scheduled trips to see me because the ex-girlfriend and his ex-wife both "needed" him. Apparently the ex-wife and the ex-girlfriend are sort of friends.

There was no drama in our break up, it just wasn't the right relationship for either of us so we remained friends. I think he is a dear sweet wonderful guy who deserves someone loving, and someone who can handle his health issues and his dealings with his ex-wife (who has a lot of medical issues that he helps her deal with). This ex-girlfriend of his is bad news and I can't stand him being with her - she'll end up killing him (not murder but his health isn't that great and she causes him so much stress).

Since our break up a year ago he has gotten back together with the ex-girlfriend more than once. He will break things off only to have her cry and scheme and get back into his life. She stresses him out so much that I think it's just easier on him to cave in to her demands. She treats him very badly, is VERY controlling, and another good friend of his has told me a lot of stuff she's done, that he would never admit to me.

The most recent "break up" took place less than a month ago when he told me that she had moved all her things out of his house (I guess she had been slowly moving things from her place to his) and back to her home. So today I get on Facebook and see that he has once again changed his relationship status to show that he's in a relationship with her. I can't see her whole page but she posted something on his page to indicate they are currently on a trip together. He told me he was on a business trip (which he is) but somehow left out that little bit of information that he took her with him. I know it's not my business but I care about him and don't want to see him self-destruct.

I ended up sending him an e-mail to tell him I am done caring. If he chooses to let this manipulative woman into his life over and over again even though she's taking his money and stressing him out then I am out of it. He can no longer call me to complain about her or about anything else in his life that he can control, but chooses not to.

This was more of a rant than anything else. I just hate seeing people I care about hurt themselves.
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Old 09-18-2010, 02:41 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 33,142,835 times
Reputation: 6678
I've noticed that men loveeeeeee to pamper drama-queen women. They also fuel the drama in sneaky ways. When I see all of that happening it's a big red flag for snake-pit. Everybody the man knows is going to be terrible including the man who is fueling it.
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Old 09-18-2010, 02:43 PM
 
Location: So Cal
23,886 posts, read 17,630,809 times
Reputation: 22472
drama free dude here.
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Old 09-18-2010, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Trashorida
810 posts, read 788,015 times
Reputation: 440
Look, I don't mean to be judgmental but why are you so close friends with your ex? Why not invest this time in a new relationship. From your post sounds like you cannot understand why he wouldn't choose you, a drama free girl over ms psycho.

I'll tell you one thing, stay away from people like him. Some people(man, woman, gay, you name it) need to be in these kind of relationships. These people will always have drama in their lives. Forget him, he is an adult. You really need to put space between you and him and stop checking every update he and his girlfriend do on facebook. You need to move on
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Old 09-18-2010, 04:41 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,142 posts, read 2,476,904 times
Reputation: 2507
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hialeah_Rules View Post
Look, I don't mean to be judgmental but why are you so close friends with your ex? Why not invest this time in a new relationship. From your post sounds like you cannot understand why he wouldn't choose you, a drama free girl over ms psycho.
For someone who says "I don't mean to be judgmental" you certainly made a huge jump to a very judgmental conclusion. It's none of your damn business who I choose to be friends with and what the heck makes you think I'm not investing time in a new relationship?

I broke up with him for numerous reasons, the main one being he was unhealthy and overweight and wasn't going to do anything about it other than go to an early grave. He also chose to continue to financially support a woman who treated him like crap.

I'm still friends with a majority of my ex-boyfriends and none of those friendships have interfered in new relationships. I'm not paying their bills or sleeping with them, I'm just friends with them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hialeah_Rules View Post
I'll tell you one thing, stay away from people like him. Some people(man, woman, gay, you name it) need to be in these kind of relationships. These people will always have drama in their lives. Forget him, he is an adult. You really need to put space between you and him and stop checking every update he and his girlfriend do on facebook. You need to move on
Jump jump jump Reading is fundamental. I am dating someone else.
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Old 09-18-2010, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,553,970 times
Reputation: 5270
The only drama I like is on TNT.
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Old 09-18-2010, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,712,028 times
Reputation: 22742
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
They also fuel the drama in sneaky ways.
Yes, they do! And those who do are exactly the ones who say they "want peace" and "no drama, please"!
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Old 09-18-2010, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Ohio
751 posts, read 873,426 times
Reputation: 592
A good rant/venting is good and does one more harm than good to hold it all in.

Sometimes when I vent/rant at home I punch a pillow or write a letter telling that person I'm upset with about their attitude and then I set that bugger on fire or shred it several times.lol
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,511 posts, read 11,524,731 times
Reputation: 9094
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble View Post
For someone who says "I don't mean to be judgmental" you certainly made a huge jump to a very judgmental conclusion. It's none of your damn business who I choose to be friends with and what the heck makes you think I'm not investing time in a new relationship?

I broke up with him for numerous reasons, the main one being he was unhealthy and overweight and wasn't going to do anything about it other than go to an early grave. He also chose to continue to financially support a woman who treated him like crap.

I'm still friends with a majority of my ex-boyfriends and none of those friendships have interfered in new relationships. I'm not paying their bills or sleeping with them, I'm just friends with them.



Jump jump jump Reading is fundamental. I am dating someone else.
One-you shouldn't put your busines out there for people to comment on if you can't handle the responses. I saw nothing judgmental in the response you quoted.

Two....
Quote:
He also chose to continue to financially support a woman who treated him like crap.
....'Chose' is the operative word. His choice. You chose to be his ex, right? This is a lot of concern for an ex. Do you want him back?
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:38 PM
 
1,127 posts, read 1,197,385 times
Reputation: 1269
No judgment here. I think that you ask a question that very few people without a background in psychology can answer. Why do some people gravitate to relationships with a lot of drama and/or people who are broken, usurious, bad news, exhausting., etc.? I wish that I knew the answer to this question -- I think we all wish we knew!

When I was in high school (read: young and dumb), I equated "drama" with "love." Outgrew it, thankfully. I mean, look at the shows that were on t.v. The movies. A lot of them had that dramatic, Melrose Place, soap-opera quality, and of course, this is what made them interesting. Oh, and romance novels didn't help. In real life, drama is not interesting, at least not to a healthy person. A mentally healthy person finds drama tedious, irritating and boring.

But some people thrive on drama. I've had a couple of exes like this, and they're leading disorganized lives, jumping from one bad love/hate situation to the next, getting used, abused and living for every minute of it. I can't begin to understand their reasons.
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