Married to an immigrant (man, therapy, cheating, children)

[gggg]

I would suggest you go his spiritual leader with these issues. Why not tell him how you feel? In this country we're so prep to divorce so quickly. I don't want to judge you, but in the christian doctrine, when you divorce, and go with someone else you are committing adultery. What would youur Pastor think about that?

[gggg]

I would suggest you go his spiritual leader with these issues. Why not tell him how you feel? In this country we're so prep to divorce so quickly. I don't want to judge you, but in the christian doctrine, when you divorce, and go with someone else you are committing adultery. What would youur Pastor think about that?

[Lisa_from_Debary]

Originally Posted by gggg

I would suggest you go his spiritual leader with these issues. Why not tell him how you feel? In this country we're so prep to divorce so quickly. I don't want to judge you, but in the christian doctrine, when you divorce, and go with someone else you are committing adultery. What would youur Pastor think about that?

So are you saying its OK with you that people get married to get citizenship in the US? That is what this woman says is going on, the marriage is one of convenience, not of love and commitment. Its against American law to do what they are doing.

[DontH8Me]

Originally Posted by cj31young

I didn't expect pity. Just advise. I agree that I enabled the situation but also, you have no idea how this guy took advantage of the opportunity soooo well. When we met he was very assertive persistent and self assured even when I tried to dismiss him. When he feared being deported because of a traffic violation, he panicked and became more convincing of how good of a human being he is and how he would never harm us because God would punish him. He agreed to always be supportive for my daughter and I if I would support him through this. So, you see, I did have some of my own best interest by agreeing. He even told me several lies about his education and his family background. I am not a skilled manipulator as he is; maybe a little desperate and lonely for companionship.
It's rough being a single parent and striving for a happier life but I have learned my lesson now. I no longer have the desire to take on others burdens in life. My own purpose is worth more.
Thanks

You made your choice based on what he said, without any consideration of what he did. Men can weave fancy tales with their tongues, but you need look no further than the fact that he got into trouble with the law. Actions do speak louder than words. Believe NONE of what you hear, and HALF of what you see, and you will certainly make better choices in the future.

If you cannot get an annulment, you can get a divorce. Lisa was right on the money - do everything AT ONCE - locks, petition for dissolution, restraining order, credit cards/bank account. You owe it to yourself and your daughter to take care of this ASAP. If you have bad feelings about the choice you made, you have no idea what may come from a Muslim scorned - you should ask the court when you file for the restraining order about your concerns regarding his motives and what protections they can provide.

If you do take the leap and decide to split, I would consider changing residences as well as phone numbers to avoid any potential stalking/retaliation by him or his family members.

[floridadreamer]

And whatever you do, you better do it soon. The longer you wait, the more complicated it could become.

[cj31young]

Clam down and give advice not critisim. There are more details to the situation. You seem to take offence to others. I do not practice any religion but rasied as a christian. I do not sterotype anyone based on there background and you and I both are human and not stupid. We learn through experience. Try not to seem sooo angry and judgemental.

Originally Posted by DaSkorpion

=========

Please.......which part of Africa did you grow up in - the natives of one African country being bad does NOT mean ALL Africans are bad because I got screwed up by one New Yorker does not mean all Americans are bad.

Now about your religious comment - there are a couple of African countries that practice Christianity others are highly Muslim. I have visited and worked with people from Ghana, Liberia, Nigeria, Ivory Coast, Ethiopia and South Africa. My visit to Nigeria where about 90% of them practiced Islam was where I saw most of these problems where wifes were pretty much used, abused and abandoned. The other countries apart from Nigeria had a very high Christian population and they treated their wifes and families differently and were more caring.

Muslims practice polygamy and thus the other wives other than the chosen senior wife have no voice in any decision making. Their role is to raise their kids, sleep with the man when it was their turn and maybe cook if the chosen senior wife approves of it or liked them.

Yes there are abusive Christian men all over the world - but lets really call a spade a spade this happens everywhere in the world - some Christian men without any justifiable reason or right have been known to go loco and abused their wife.

Also Christian raised or being a Christian and marrying a Muslim is wrong in the bible and the quran. If you marry a Christian and you are NOT Christain then you need to convert to Christianity before the marriage same thing with Islam - if you are not Muslim and marry a Muslim you need to convert to Islam before you even marry a Muslim.

Therefore sister gal trying to help somebody out because of pity and loneliness was a bit childish and stupid I do not think there was any thinking involved. She stated she was raised as a Christian yet out of pity and loneliness married a Muslim without having him convert to Christianity - you get stoned to death for something like this in the Muslim world - it is called the Sharia law.

You also stated you wouldn't go near a relationship with an African man - how sad. I know people who think just like you and end up marrying other men including Caucasians, Haitians and others and still get abused and used so what exactly is your point?

Get REAL...!!!

[DaSkorpion]

Originally Posted by cj31young

Clam down and give advice not critisim. There are more details to the situation. You seem to take offence to others. I do not practice any religion but rasied as a christian. I do not sterotype anyone based on there background and you and I both are human and not stupid. We learn through experience. Try not to seem sooo angry and judgemental.

========

Sorry but I am NOT being angry or judgemental neither am I trying to criticize.

Its the truth and the truth hurts.

No one is perfect and I do not take offence to others but there were a whole lot of red flags. Its different if you did not know this guy was Muslim or he did not tell you before the marriage.

I have never come across anyone raised as a Christian or practising Christianity come out and say they married a Muslim out of pity and loneliness...sorry but it is NOT done. How would you feel if your son or daughter you raised as a Christian wanted to marry a Muslim. How will the kids be raised and who should the kids look up to the Christian mother or the Muslim father.

I do not stereotype because the world is a better place without it - and yes we are all human and make mistakes but lets call a spade a spade and not something else.

Yes we do learn through common sense and experience not just experience alone.

[cj31young]

So, I guess you have all of the answers in your perfect world. I asked him for a divorce and that was that. He did not harass me nor cause me any trouble. I find it amazing how prejudice people are. You are so unaware of your ignorance and tunnel vision. I asked for intelligent advice and instead you attached your emotions to the situation as if you know me personally. I have talked to others whom did not dare to do such. Since 911 we all act as if we know everything about Islam and hate Muslim. We are all creations of God and imperfect; you smart ass hypocrite. It's pathetic!!! Get a life :roll eyes:

Originally Posted by DaSkorpion

========

Sorry but I am NOT being angry or judgemental neither am I trying to criticize.

Its the truth and the truth hurts.

No one is perfect and I do not take offence to others but there were a whole lot of red flags. Its different if you did not know this guy was Muslim or he did not tell you before the marriage.

I have never come across anyone raised as a Christian or practising Christianity come out and say they married a Muslim out of pity and loneliness...sorry but it is NOT done. How would you feel if your son or daughter you raised as a Christian wanted to marry a Muslim. How will the kids be raised and who should the kids look up to the Christian mother or the Muslim father.

I do not stereotype because the world is a better place without it - and yes we are all human and make mistakes but lets call a spade a spade and not something else.

Yes we do learn through common sense and experience not just experience alone.

[DaSkorpion]

Originally Posted by cj31young

So, I guess you have all of the answers in your perfect world. I asked him for a divorce and that was that. He did not harass me nor cause me any trouble. I find it amazing how prejudice people are. You are so unaware of your ignorance and tunnel vision. I asked for intelligent advice and instead you attached your emotions to the situation as if you know me personally. I have talked to others whom did not dare to do such. Since 911 we all act as if we know everything about Islam and hate Muslim. We are all creations of God and imperfect; you smart ass hypocrite. It's pathetic!!! Get a life :roll eyes:

==============

Who said anything about him harassing you - I dont know him and I dont know you neither am I prejudice nor ignorant....hahaha and my world aint that perfect either.

Well maybe your question should have been I married a foreigner due to pity and loneliness not I married an African who was a Muslim blah blah blah..now check yourself....and tell me who the ignorant one with a tunnel vision is..!!!

I dont know everything about Islam but I know what I know through my various travels and interactions with people from other cultures/countries and oh yes I have Muslim friends and I do not hate nobody regardless of religion, creed or nationality - I see each person as a human being and nothing else.

I never attached any emotions - it is what it is take it or leave..like I stated earlier on, the truth always hurts and we always try not to hear the truth.

I am definitely not the smart a** hypocrite you refer to me as - honestly who started the thread with the following words:Immigrant, African, Muslim etc. Who is the real smart a** hypocrite - I aint pointing no fingers but who the cap fits let them wear it.

You made the most dumbest mistake anyone could ever make - you try to paint a bad picture on African Muslims blah blah blah and yet youi dont call yourself a hypocrite....c'mon please get real.

If you want to turn this personal sorry I aint got time for that because I like to differentiate fiction from facts.....its time you grow the F up...it is what it is - get real.

[floridadreamer]

Not to further offend anyone, but I plenty of advise has been given, now all that leave is for it to be done.

I for one won't be returning to this thread to read as the two of you "bash" each other.

Good luck.