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I'm a guy whose medical problems more or less ruined my confidence around strangers. Not just women, but regular friendships too.
What I have is a mild case of narcolepsy without the sudden sleep attacks. I don't sleep well at night. I can be out for 9 hours straight but when I wake up it's like I slept for 5 hours. Sometimes I feel crappy as the sleep deprivation adds up...no energy, head and body aches, digestion problems, etc. And other days I feel pretty good. It's hit or miss.
This is troubling around people I don't know because a person's first impression might be totally different from the second, third, fourth time I see them. For instance if I meet somebody on a day I'm feeling decent, I might come across as a likeable guy who is interested in that person. When I feel bad, I'm more withdrawn, less talkative, less attentive, more sleepy, etc. People have flat out said I seem like a different person from the time we first met. Some are offended thinking I'm giving them the cold shoulder on purpose. Fortunately my friends and coworkers are understanding.
So my confidence around strangers has suffered accordingly. If you were in my shoes, what advice would you offer?
My advice, eat a very healthy diet and exercise hard out most days. When you get in great shape and if you are still having the health issues you can explore other avenues.....but it could well work.
I'd probably just tell people on the day I'm having a bad day and I'd be exploring options to keep it under control (like diet and exercise). A former roommate of mine is severely bipolar- has been hospitalized several times. When she's doing ok, she's the most wonderful person ever, but when she's in a depressive cycle, even with meds, she withdraws from the world in a way I've never seen from anyone else. When I moved in, she made a point of articulating the particulars of her disease when she was in a good place and explained how it could affect her. The first time she had a really bad episode, it was terrifying but I was prepared and it didn't hurt our friendship. If it's something you can't help, people will be more likely to forgive you if they know about it. If you don't explain it, people will think you are a jerk.
Have you seen a doctor and been properly diagnosed via a sleep study? I know that people that have narcolepsy can and do receive medical help via medications and other things.
I think that you should just be up front and honest with people. If you've been properly evaluated and definitely diagnosed with this condition, there is no reason to be ashamed, due to the unique nature of the condition, I would think that up front honesty is the only way you can go.
If you find that friends or women specifically are turned off by this, just keep trying to find someone who understands it from a medical standpoint and eventually you'll find someone who is more sympathetic to your needs. I mean it's narcolepsy, it's not a death sentence. If anything, people generally have a good sense of humor about this condition. And, not to belittle you or make you feel bad but with this type of issue; I would think it best to handle it with a good sense of humor.
This needs to be moved to the health forum. Maybe someone there has more experience with narcolepsy and how to treat it/deal with it. The replies you are going to get here are not going to help much.
My advice, eat a very healthy diet and exercise hard out most days. When you get in great shape and if you are still having the health issues you can explore other avenues.....but it could well work.
Eating a healthy diet is something everyone should do. I don't think that's going to treat his narcolepsy
OP didn't ask how to treat his narcolepsy, he asked for help in RELATING to other people and dealing with relationship issues.
OP, as others have said, be open with others. If you don't tell someone about your situation, they cannot know and will judge your behavior according to their own experience with other people. That means you will be judged harshly as cold, withdrawn, or just plain strange. As I explained in another thread concerning a disability, put it out there for people to see. When people understand the situation, they are inclined to be more cooperative and understanding. When they have nothing to explain away odd behavior, they judge it harshly. It's human nature.
So, when you first meet someone, let them know you have narcolepsy and that sometimes it appears you are withdrawing from or ignoring them; but that it is not the case, that you are dealing with the physical and emotional effects of severe sleep deprivation. Knowing that ahead of time, when it happens, they will be inclined to show compassion (not pity).
OP please read the link that I have provided. It has some great info on narcolepsy. The reason the OP is having these problems is because of his narcolepsy. So unless he finds a better way to improve his symptoms he is never going to be able to relate to people the way he wants to relate to people. Hence my suggestion of moving the thread to the health and wellness forum.
Get out there and do it. Meet people, make friends and establish different kinds of relationships. It gets easier over time. Many people have had to overcome fears to be successful. The best way to overcome those fears is to face what scares you over and over.
There's only one cure for fear of public speaking. Public speaking.
Just do your best with what you have.
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