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I do fix things around the house. Its just that when something breaks or needs to be changed, the first words out of my wife's mouth is "oh my Dad can....."
My father in law is very competitive with me. intoning to my wife that he's jealous of the gardening tools i bought, that I cleared trees out of the garden, etc.
Further, youre WRONG. My wife said that since this house is JOINTLY owned by me and her, I have a say in who comes over here. That you say my wife doesnt have to ask me who she can have as company caused me to immediately disregard your advice. Today a friend of mine came over. I ASKED my wife on FRIDAY if he could come over. We GIVE each other that respect. We dont just trample over each other. Maybe thats YOUR style..
Your wife having friends or family over isn't trampling on you.
My husband pays all of the bills and I still don't have to ask him to have people over. Now if I'm having friends over for dinner or entertaining THEN I may clear it with the hubs. But if I have friends over before he gets home and they are still then when he gets home i would never fathom to ask.
Now, if he wants to have people over he kind of has to run it by me. Not because I may not want them there, but because I want to make sure we have food and drinks to offer them and that I don't want to caught wearing something...inapropriate. So no, neither of us has to ask each other permission, but my husband gets the bonus of giving me a heads up so I can make sure he and his friends have what they need.
Doesn't sound like it from all of your posts. Sounds like you and your wife are in a power struggle over most things. Equals don't need to struggle over control.
because the visits related to them wanting to "see" the baby. The new baby.
That may or may not be why they are there. You and your wife need counseling to improve your communication skills and define expectations in your marriage. This is clearly an issue with you. Neither of you is willing or able to agree on boundaries with her parents either. If you both knew her parents were crazy (perhaps alcoholic) control freaks, why on earth did you move there for "familial support"? The baby is an infant, you have barely begun your "parenting"....get it figured out. The sooner the better.
When I come home for work I would want to be alone too. Can't they go out for a coffee together instead? I think you should explain to your wife that you want some down time after work to be alone with you son. As for the FIL I know where you're coming from. My MIl is jealous as well. I think you should look into moving back into the US as soon as you can. I think you would all be happier there.
Last edited by mrstewart; 10-03-2010 at 02:14 PM..
Reason: .
Some ask why not move back to the US with your wife. I think your wife would be better off if you moved back without her.
This "man of my house" "king of my castle" mentality is disturbing. You sound insecure and controlling.
Your wife is your equal. It's her house too. It's wrong of you to expect her to ask permission to have guests.
You need to find some hobbies and make some friends in this new country. Get a life!
What she said.
But, is your wife totally insensitive to your wishes? While it is her house too, she should take your feelings into consideration. Maybe she needs to grow up a little and tell the relatives that, while you both love to see them, certain times are your family's private time.
that I dont want her family members over my house when I get home from work?
Am i wrong for feeling this way?
I don't think you should put it exactly that way.
Everyone has a right to come home and relax and know what to expect when coming home after a long day at work. Sometimes one might not be in the mood for visitors.
Also no one should be expected to play host to people he isn't fond of being around.
What you need is to set boundaries. Maybe set aside one night a week for visitors. The rest of the time is yours - or whatever number of evenings you would want to give up to having people around. Or say Tuesday evening is theirs, Wednesday is for neighbors coming over or friends.
Everyone is different - some people are extremely social and want peope over all the time, others like a lot of time to themselves.
that I dont want her family members over my house when I get home from work?
If you read my other posts, you will see that I have faced some issues that I am trying to work through. My wife's family hasnt really been all that kind to me, I know they dont like me, so I tread carefully.
One thing I dont like is that her father keeps making excuses why he needs to come round our house. He always wants to "fix something" or help out with this or that. I am the man of my house. I know he's older and retired, but I am not going to allow him to come over here and be the man of my house. No way.
So my wife's cousin who lives down the road texted my wife and asked is she could come by afterwork tomorrow. My wife's cousin isnt a bad person by any means; actually she's quite likable. However, after my wife asked me if she could come by, as she will be here when I get home from work, which is when i get to spend time with my son, and I agreed, her cousin texts back "oh i am bringing my friend with me." My immediate thought was "give ppl and inch and they will take a yard."
Am i wrong for feeling this way?
There is nothing wrong with feelings. The issue is what are you going to about about them. Are you wife and you a team? Have you addressed this with her at all? If you have to wonder if you should tell your wife maybe the first thing you and her need to work is communication and support for each other, take care.
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