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Dating to say is frustrating to say the least . I tired of second guessing myself and "The Rules". I am not seeing this guy anymore but everytime I finish dating a guy I question everything. Thinking if I just did this or that things would be different. How can anyone enjoy dating knowing something you may do will cause I deal breaker at any moment. I always feel like maybe if I did this differently I would still be with that person. I have improved over the years. I use to gain weight everytime, but now I don't. But I am sad to say that my current weight is because everytime I react after I stop seeing a guy I end up eating. This time I actually broke it off with him but then tried to talk to him again. I knew it would not work because I put him though too much emotion and I started looking like the chaser so he stopped calling me. However, my problem is throughout the whole process I am always worried about the person dropping me even though I knew he liked me. Sometimes I feel like I should not have called him back since that is a rule and they say subconsciously the person stops liking you and yes I do get attached to people to quickly because I am picky and when I do click I just want to keep that person in my life. I know you are not suppose to act deseparate because that is turn off and I wasn't. I actually told him to slow down the calls but I think what ruined it was I did not follow through. Once he slowed down I started calling him more thinking he would lose interest and he would not want to talk to me anymore. For me, I can not stand for that to happen because I become attached even if the person likes me more than I like them. I was not secure enough stick with my own convictions and I come off wishy washy. I just feel alone all the time because I do not have any friends here. Btw, I do go out have activities it is just I am always by myself, and I am tired of it. Sorry for the long post I just had to get everything out.
there are no rules. In my opinion always do what you feel is right for you. If the person reacts and doens't want to see you again, do you really want to be with that person? I say, keep doing things your way until you find someone who does things your way as well.
There are no rules......period. Just be yourself....don't follow some DUMB book, because you will only wind up shortchanging yourself in the end.
Thanks for the advice. I actually was being jokey about the rules and not quoting the book. However, I am not sure being yourself works sometimes you do have to tweek it a little. Like I would like to talk to this guy again and be friends but I stopped talking to him at first and then I started again. I can not be that selfish. If I did what I wanted it would be a disaster
Now if your real name is Alice, I think I might know what the problem is. You having been hanging out with disappearing cats and mad people. In the process, your grasp of the rules have left you not knowing either which way you are going or where you want to be when you get there.
Perhaps you should begin at the beginning and when you get to the end, stop. If you have not read Alice in Wonderland, I suggest it as a alternative to your next date. The Walrus and the Carpenter will just have to talk of other things.
Thru my dating experiences, I have found that men love to feel as if they're in charge and chase. Its a primal instinct, just as women have a motherly instinct which drives us to have children, men are hunters and gathers. I find dating to be one of the hardest things to master. I have three teenage children, so I did master it at one point, or it was a hell of a lot simpler when I was in my 20's. I think as we get older, people are more specific as to what they're looking for and bored. I recently dated one man who has never been married, lives in NJ and works in the city. He explained the "rules" of dating as per The City (Manhattan). Ultimately, he's a player and it seemed to me he was the male version of "Sex in the City", which is sad. He's an extreme version but I got the point none the less. Through that experience, I learned that men do like a challenge and to feel that they are in charge. I do see this "thread" in the personalities of successful businessmen and women. Just try it, see what happens, Next time, when a man calls you, don't be too quick to return the call, even though its killing you. When he asks to get together on Friday, tell him you have plans. Then he has to go to plan "B", then get back to him on that one. Several hours later or the next day, accept plan "B" or you suggest a plan "c". It is a game, but men DO NOT want a clingy, insecure, woman sitting around waiting for them. They want to see that you have a life and are busy. They like the element of competition. The less you say to them, the more the mystery. I've watch my best friend do this with men for years and it has always worked for her. If they feel they conquered you in the first few dates, game over. I have done this inadvertantly only because I'm really not interested in the person, and thats usually the one that persistantly persues me. Thats why we can always "get" the one that we're not interested in. So, perhaps there is some truth in it. Good luck. Ultimately I believe when the "right" one comes along, none of this matters, you'll connect on a much different level and "rules" will go out the window. But until then, game on........
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