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Old 10-04-2010, 05:30 PM
 
388 posts, read 365,257 times
Reputation: 1272

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Ok, first, I'm talking about someone's legally wed husband or wife, not just an SO or live-in relationship, although I'm not denigrating either of those situations.

Some will argue a person can't be "stolen" but for our purposes here, let's use that term. Let's say a person ingratiates, flatters, supports, flirts with a married person with the intent of drawing that person into a relationship. One might say a person is trying to steal another's affection. But use another term if it makes you more comfortable.

At my job, I'm good friends with a married woman. We're complete opposites in personality. I'm quiet and introverted; She's loud and brassy. I would say we have chemistry. We love to talk about every subject under the sun and I can tell there is physical attraction between us.

I know she has been having marriage problems as her husband is an alcoholic and has let himself go physically. He's also a compulsive spender while she and I are frugal and careful with our money. She complains about him sometimes but I always try to change the subject when she gets too deep into her complaints. I don't want to be the shoulder she cries on when she has trouble at home. That's dangerous territory and I avoid it.

My point is that I suspect if I really pushed it, I could ignite something between the two of us. She's at that dangerous age, 43, and she knows I'm single and available.

I refuse to go there though. I will not consider starting something with a married woman. We have a good working relationship but that's where it stays. It doesn't go beyond the workplace. I can't understand why anyone would go after someone's spouse. What do they hope to gain?

Let's say I pursued this woman. I tore her out of her marriage and "won" her over. What would I have? I'd have an emotionally unstable woman who cheated on her spouse. Why would I want that? Why would anyone?

I don't want to judge anyone else. I was curious though if anyone here ever got involved with a married person. Or did someone get involved with your spouse. Even on an anonymous internet forum, those aren't the kinds of things people easily admit. It seems to be happening a lot though and I was wondering about other people's experiences.

Last edited by mandavaran; 10-04-2010 at 05:40 PM..
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:37 PM
Status: "Turpa pie reikä ääliö" (set 21 days ago)
 
8,563 posts, read 5,864,099 times
Reputation: 17916
I do not believe for one second that someone 'steals' someone elses husband or wife. The person who strays does so for a reason, whether that is lack of intimacy, a drunken partner or the other myriad of issues people have in their marriage. Somewhere along the line that person has let go of the emotional ties that bind one in monogamy and crossed over to the side where they have an affair.

Now casual sex is a whole different ballgame. Sometimes there is an irresistible opportunity to have sex with no ties and some people just can't resist no matter how good their relationship is. I just don't think humans are meant to be monogamous, although many of us are by choice.

And what's with the magical age of 43? Anyone can have an affair at any age.
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:42 PM
 
Location: USA
2,134 posts, read 1,524,605 times
Reputation: 3509
I wouldn't call it "stealing" a spouse. If a marriage is so weak that one of the partner's can be lured away, it is more like a dog that had been neglected and you picked it up because it appeared to be lonely and needed someone.

If this married woman is THAT unhappy, she will end the marriage and start dating after a decent interval. She is obviously too insecure to be alone and wants to overlap her men.
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:44 PM
 
388 posts, read 365,257 times
Reputation: 1272
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
I do not believe for one second that someone 'steals' someone elses husband or wife. The person who strays does so for a reason, whether that is lack of intimacy, a drunken partner or the other myriad of issues people have in their marriage. Somewhere along the line that person has let go of the emotional ties that bind one in monogamy and crossed over to the side where they have an affair.

Now casual sex is a whole different ballgame. Sometimes there is an irresistible opportunity to have sex with no ties and some people just can't resist no matter how good their relationship is. I just don't think humans are meant to be monogamous, although many of us are by choice.

And what's with the magical age of 43? Anyone can have an affair at any age.
Yes, people can have affairs at any age but when people reach their 40's, usually they have been married awhile, kids are growing older and they realize they're middle aged and may feel that they have to explore new boundaries while they're still young. I have personally known many people that split and the overwhelming majority of them have been in their 40's.
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:45 PM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,625 posts, read 2,893,353 times
Reputation: 3819
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran View Post
Ok, first, I'm talking about someone's legally wed husband or wife, not just an SO or live-in relationship, although I'm not denigrating either of those situations.

Some will argue a person can't be "stolen" but for our purposes here, let's use that term. Let's say a person ingratiates, flatters, supports, flirts with a married person with the intent of drawing that person into a relationship. One might say a person is trying to steal another's affection. But use another term if it makes you more comfortable.

At my job, I'm good friends with a married woman. We're complete opposites in personality. I'm quiet and introverted; She's loud and brassy. I would say we have chemistry. We love to talk about every subject under the sun and I can tell there is physical attraction between us.

I know she has been having marriage problems as her husband is an alcoholic and has let himself go physically. He's also a compulsive spender while she and I are frugal and careful with our money. She complains about him sometimes but I always try to change the subject when she gets too deep into her complaints. I don't want to be the shoulder she cries on when she has trouble at home. That's dangerous territory and I avoid it.

My point is that I suspect if I really pushed it, I could ignite something between the two of us. She's at that dangerous age, 43, and she knows I'm single and available.

I refuse to go there though. I will not consider starting something with a married woman. We have a good working relationship but that's where it stays. It doesn't go beyond the workplace. I can't understand why anyone would go after someone's spouse. What do they hope to gain?

Let's say I pursued this woman. I tore her out of her marriage and "won" her over. What would I have? I'd have an emotionally unstable woman who cheated on her spouse. Why would I want that? Why would anyone?

I don't want to judge anyone else. I was curious though if anyone here ever got involved with a married person. Or did someone get involved with your spouse. Even on an anonymous internet forum, those aren't the kinds of things people easily admit. It seems to be happening a lot though and I was wondering about other people's experiences.
So in 3 years, I'll be dangerous? Interesting.

Nope, you can't be stolen unless you want to be stolen. As to why anyone would attempt, don't know.
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:50 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,611 posts, read 8,782,605 times
Reputation: 9214
I had a woman try to steal my husband once. She used to bring her daughter over for me to give her piano lessons and she was always friendly w/ my husband and he seemed to enjoy her company also. She was a very attractive blond woman and pretty soon I noticed her being flirtatious around him. Then she started wearing musk perfume whenever she came. One day she followed him down to the garden and I could hear them laughing down there while giving the lesson, which made me crazy. He seemed oblivious to it, but I wasn't sure if he was just playing the game really well or if he really didn't pick up on it.

Fast forward to maybe 6 years later and he comes out gay. Turns out he really didn't notice. I must say that I wondered the same thing--why in the he!! would you want someone else's family? It just doesn't make sense to me--I'd rather start with a fresh one. Who wants the big mess that's going to be created when he leaves his wife and kids?
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Old 10-04-2010, 06:02 PM
Status: "Turpa pie reikä ääliö" (set 21 days ago)
 
8,563 posts, read 5,864,099 times
Reputation: 17916
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy View Post
So in 3 years, I'll be dangerous? Interesting.
Pffftttt....3 years?

You're dangerous now!!!!
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Old 10-04-2010, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,866 posts, read 11,076,231 times
Reputation: 16400
Often it's not about "stealing" someone's spouse, it's about the no strings sex that comes with sleeping with a married person. Or so they think. Some guys would look at her as "easy meat" and make their move at the slightest opening. Some do it regardless if she's having trouble at home or not. Lot's of guys just don't respect the ring. But, as other's have mentioned, no one steals her from anyone. She knows what signals to send out if she wants to be pursued. She also knows how to shut it down and nip it in the bud. Same goes for the men being pursued.

For those who truly have stealing in mind, I can't speak for them. I suppose they like the challenge, or perhaps just feel entitled to have this person at all costs. Some may feel that they were meant to be with that person, he/she is their true soulmate, or kindred spirit for those of you who are repulsed by the term soulmate--and they must have this person at all costs.

I'll refrain from sharing any details from my own experience, you can always DM me. Too many judgmental a-holes who will save it in the bank for later and work it into a later thread.
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Old 10-04-2010, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 23,594,563 times
Reputation: 33673
I don't think anyone steals a spouse. I think the spouse allows themselves to be intrigued and then emotionally involved with someone else when there's something missing in their marriage.
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Old 10-04-2010, 06:23 PM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,625 posts, read 2,893,353 times
Reputation: 3819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Pffftttt....3 years?

You're dangerous now!!!!
Watch out, world!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
Often it's not about "stealing" someone's spouse, it's about the no strings sex that comes with sleeping with a married person. Or so they think. Some guys would look at her as "easy meat" and make their move at the slightest opening. Some do it regardless if she's having trouble at home or not. Lot's of guys just don't respect the ring. But, as other's have mentioned, no one steals her from anyone. She knows what signals to send out if she wants to be pursued. She also knows how to shut it down and nip it in the bud. Same goes for the men being pursued.

For those who truly have stealing in mind, I can't speak for them. I suppose they like the challenge, or perhaps just feel entitled to have this person at all costs. Some may feel that they were meant to be with that person, he/she is their true soulmate, or kindred spirit for those of you who are repulsed by the term soulmate--and they must have this person at all costs.

I'll refrain from sharing any details from my own experience, you can always DM me. Too many judgmental a-holes who will save it in the bank for later and work it into a later thread.
Yeah, I agree with the statement that lots of guys don't respect the ring. Unfortunately, that swings both ways. And if you don't have a ring, then you're considered free game, even if you are in a committed, exclusive relationship. In my last relationship, I had a lot of guys give me lines like "C'mon, he's in another country. It doesn't count". There was no way I'd risk my relationship like that. When I was married, however, I wasn't exactly a total angel. It depends on what your definition of "cheating" is. I usually say if you would not be comfortable with your partner doing it, then it's cheating. So, by my own definition, I "cheated", though by many other people's definition, I did not. But I was in a very unhappy marriage, and I won't play the victim, I was a willing participant, and definitely playing with fire. If I was in better circumstances, I would not have been putting out those signals, or actively flirting. I'm not proud of my behavior, but I did have some restraint.

I won't go into it farther than that, either. Although, now I'll probably be judged by my omission of details.
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