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Old 07-03-2007, 01:07 PM
Status: "My wife is my best friend!" (set 14 days ago)
Location: Twin Cities
3,557 posts, read 7,466,691 times
Reputation: 5919


Growing up I heard this from my mom...she was ashamed that I dated overweight girls. I had self-esteem issues as a youth and so my mom would say I needed higher self-esteem because I was only attracting fat girls. My wife is overweight, and yeah my mom has an issue with that. My dad does too, but in their older age they've learned to keep quiet or the grandkids won't be coming to visit.

Why do some people view overweight people as super friendly but not so smart or attractive. I know there are many out there that do not view it this way, but the biases are in and I've seen how some people watch every morsel that a fat person eats. My father thinks my cousin who is skinny (not trim, but skinny), a smoker, serious back problems and drinks like a fish is in good health compared to me or my wife who have extra weight. I told him he was plain rude. Of course I don't normally talk to my parents in that manner, but my Irish ire gets up when they pull this kind of baloney. Any thoughts?

Old 07-03-2007, 01:20 PM
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
20,447 posts, read 21,116,822 times
Reputation: 17189
God, Hoosier, that's awful. I am so sorry. The people calling your wife fat are obviously pretty insecure. As to why people view overweight people as less intelligent, I'm not sure. I've never heard that one before. Is this specific to your family? Could you sit down and seriously ask your mother what it is about overweight that gets her own Irish up? There must be some reason. I would ask her point blank, straight out, and I would ask for specifics. Find out how she views overweight people specifically, and why. Then you can explain that your wife is none of those things (stupid, lazy) and that's that, she's just not any of those bad things, period.
Old 07-03-2007, 01:40 PM
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,321 posts, read 15,343,811 times
Reputation: 5651
I have been fighting my weight for many decades and had an eating disorder when I was 17. So much so, that my hair started falling out. My mom hates fat people and would always run them down along with me. She was ashamed of me when I was even a tiny bit overweight. She harped on my daughters and one had a similar problem. My other daughter loves herself and is a full figured girl. She dates and enjoys her career and I about stuff a sock in my mom's mouth every time she starts to make a remark. People can do much damage. I love Paula (Food Network) because she eats the butter!
Old 07-03-2007, 01:40 PM
Location: Marion, IN
8,191 posts, read 26,335,839 times
Reputation: 6989
Some people like to put others down in order to feel better about themselves. Some people are just plain old shallow. Intolerance is another word for discrimination.

I carry a few (ahem, did I say few?) extra pounds. They do not define me as a person. I am happily married to a man who does not care what size I wear. If other people have a problem, well then they have a problem.
Old 07-03-2007, 02:41 PM
Location: Phoenix...until next week, then Maryland...tick tock tick tock
169 posts, read 531,488 times
Reputation: 102
Yeah, skinny definitely does not necessarily equal healthy. In fact, I would venture to guess that most of those "perfect" models/celebrities are not particularly healthy. If what I see in the paper is true, many of them are coked out/drunks/junkies. Yeah, that's something to aspire to.

I think as long as you're happy, your wife's weight is a total non-issue. Your parents should be glad that your happy. If they can't be happy with your wife because of her weight, then that's their problem, not hers or yours.

Personally, if they have a bias, I think they should, as another poster said, stick a sock in it. I'm not sure what good they think it's going to do by making your and/or your wife feel bad for something as insignificant as how much she weighs.
Old 07-03-2007, 02:49 PM
Location: Working on relocating
800 posts, read 3,773,485 times
Reputation: 476
Gosh, so sorry you're dealing with this. I think that everyone is beautiful regardless of size...we're all from the same Divine source Sending you a hug as well to your family

I can relate to the parental disapproval related to relationships. My mom used to really get on my case because I dated a lot of guys in bands, with tattoos, punky, skaters, etc. Well, that is who I was when I was young, so LOL, it felt as though she was rejecting me I also dated some men who were not my own race and my mom was very judgmental. I dated some men too who were not my religion and that was a big deal to my mom...

I ended up with someone who makes me happy and I stopped caring about what my mom thinks. I don't think she approves still, but we're happy and will be celebrating our 10th anniversary this year

Happiness and love is all that matters in my book

Love and hugs,
Old 07-03-2007, 02:51 PM
Location: land of quail, bunnies, and red tail hawks
1,513 posts, read 2,904,431 times
Reputation: 3514
<<<<<Hugs, Hoosier & wife>>>>>

After I was married, my mother confessed that when she first met my dh (years before we married), she thought to herself, "My God, Blueberry can do better than that!!!" LOL! We had just spent a weekend x-c skiing and camping, driven home without stopping or changing clothes, and we both looked rather frumpy! However, dh was/is definitely a mountain man with longer beard, bandana around head, and less than reputable clothes! (We were both wearing knickers and baggy sweaters!) I can definitely understand her POV! Actually, she was probably more horrified to see her own darling daughter looking so...unkempt!

Unlike your parents, however, my mother learned what a jewel dh is! (That's why she told me the story!) She got a valuable lesson in judging the heart, not the appearance! (We won't talk about the time I brought home a man of a different race, or the one who was 12 years older and had extremely long hair, long beard, holey jeans, and was barefoot! ) That last one was convenient for teaching my friends a much needed lesson!

DH's parents, however, I'm sure always thought I was too prissy for their he-man son. (Fancy clothes, styled hair, painted nails...) I certainly didn't have the requisite outdoor knowledge! Now that I'm twice the size I used to be, I'm sure they think a lot of the same things your parents do. They know they're way off base, but somehow just can't get their minds around their preconceived notions and prejudices.

My take on all of this has become rather philosophical. We each have our own crosses to bear. Perhaps, this is our cross. The question is, can we carry our crosses with pride (knowing the truth others don't see), dignity, and grace?
Old 07-03-2007, 03:34 PM
6,351 posts, read 18,089,091 times
Reputation: 9860
My wife, (even at the lowest weight she's been since I've known her) coudn't meet USAF weight entrance standards. But she's always been the perfect size for me! Yeah, we've put on a few pounds over the years. And we should exercise more than we do. But we're happy. And that's all that counts!
Old 07-03-2007, 03:50 PM
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 5,833,659 times
Reputation: 4314
I guess I fall into the "unhealthy skinny; must have an eating disorder, blah, blah, blah" catagory.

I'm thin. But don't let that fool you. I've never done drugs and I eat everything in sight! As my husband once said, "Don't let the skinny girl fool ya. They're not a cheap dinner date!" With that said, I've had some pretty nasty things said, directly to my face. Things that, if they were said to over weight people, would be viewed by society as nasty. When someone jokingly says, "Oh, I hate you. You're so skinny", it's not a compliment. I'd never dream of saying anything like that to an over weight person. Joking, jealous, what ever you wanna call it, sometimes it's best just to keep your mouth shut. I've been called anorexic to my face (and the tone in which it was said is horrible) and that just isn't true either.

Saying nasty things about skinny people seems to be okay... but say something to an over weight person, and it's a huge no-no. Doesn't seem very fair. But life isn't fair.

I guess, being on one end of the spectrum, I have compassion for the other end of it too. I don't look at over weight people nasty, don't make comments. Why make them feel bad? They probably feel bad enough already. No need to add to that. And one's intelligence isn't based on their weight. It's based on wether they cared to learn or not.

(I notice, more often than not, that those who call others unintelligent, are actually the ones probably sporting a single diget IQ. Sometimes maybe a double diget one... but that's rare! )

Thank goodness we're not all the same size! Know how difficult it would be to find clothes in your size, if everyone wore the same size? Variety is the spice of life.

Now, if you're health is in jeopardy due to being obese... I'd hope there would be something out there to help you; bring you back to a place where you can enjoy this life while you're here.
Old 07-03-2007, 04:04 PM
3,816 posts, read 9,393,135 times
Reputation: 1632
We live in a society that worships beauty, riches and thinness as a god. It is quite sick. Noone is able to look beyond looks anymore.

Last nigh I was in an UPROAR over that stupid show "Extreme Makeover." This wonderul gal was very insecure over her jaw having been broken as a child.

They fixed her jaw....fine. I can understand wanting to be "normal".

But then they decided her size 12 body needed to be a size 2. They gave her charm school from this woman who was just downright RUDE about how "uncultured" she was. How charming was that charm school teacher?

Then she had to have the teeth done and her eyes done (well, she was legally blind so I thought that was a real help.)

Why can't we see beyond the outward appearance?

I am realizing over and over how God's creation is so great to have been created so different and yet, what do we do? We all try so hard to be the SAME!

Sorry you have to endure this.

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