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Old 10-14-2010, 05:44 PM
 
1,997 posts, read 1,734,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
No, I don't do one night stands at all, because I know better than to think the drunk guy I might pick up at my local saloon is going to care about getting me off. I guess your bar pickups have panned out for you. Great for you, but I would not promote such behavior to women with self-respect.
LOL why on earth do people have this impression that a one night stand can only be one thing - 2 people drunk out of their heads having sloppy sex?

Not all women who have one nighters or whatever are dirty drunks. I know plenty of successful and highly self respecting women who do. Theyíre just comfortable with their sexuality and feel like a bit of fun sometimes!

It's their life, they can do what they want, but it's judgment like yours that makes them feel guilty about having sexual desire (AND whatever form they choose to act it out in, whether it be ltr's or one night stands!), which no woman should. Read some Nancy Friday books.

Last edited by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*; 10-14-2010 at 05:53 PM..
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Old 10-14-2010, 05:53 PM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,426,107 times
Reputation: 14926
Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
[FONT=Verdana]Why can't men in her future know about it? [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana]If a guy I am seeing asks me how many men I have been with I am always honest, because I want to be and because I have learnt the truth always comes back to bite you, even if it takes decades, it'll find you eventually. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]If he doesn’t like the answer, he’s not the man for me. I don't judge others on their past and I expect the same in return. [/FONT]
[/FONT]

A guy who asks should be shown the door, in my humble opinion. He's asking because he's got a madonna/hoe complex, and he wants to see where you fit into his little boxes. Below a certain number, you're a "good" girl. Above, you're a zlut. It's a power-trip move on his part, like a litmus that he's using to judge you based on one small facet of your life and personality, instead of taking the time to get to know you. Fuhgettaboudit!

There are those who will now say, "But it's health-related!"

Not really. If health is the primary concern, then one would be advised to not sleep with anyone at all until you've been dating three months, both of you have been celibate with no messing around below the waist at all, and both of you have been tested for everything. That will account for incubation periods for pretty much all STDs, including HIV.

Now here's a statistic: In fact, at least [URL="http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm"]HALF of all sexually active adults will contract at least one form of HPV in their lifetimes[/URL].

Condoms do not do a good job of preventing HPV transmission. You can get it simply by skin-to-skin contact. Good luck with that. The standard thinking among many ob/gyns is that if you've had more than one or two partners in your lifetime, you've probably had some form of HPV. Many forms are benign, never cause symptoms, and don't cause damage. You get them, they run their course, end of story. It's just that some strains are associated with cervical cancer in women, which, if you've ever seen an ad for Gardisil, you know.
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Old 10-14-2010, 05:57 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,373 posts, read 7,076,178 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
LOL why on earth do people have this impression that a one night stand can only be one thing - 2 people drunk out of their heads having sloppy sex?

Not all women who have one nighters or whatever are dirty drunks. I know plenty of successful and highly self respecting women who do. Theyíre just comfortable with their sexuality and feel like a bit of fun sometimes!

It's their life, they can do what they want, but it's judgment like yours that makes them feel guilty about having sexual desire (AND whatever form they choose to act it out in, whether it be ltr's or one night stands!), which no woman should. Read some Nancy Friday books.
Honey, you are the one who started a thread specifically praising drunken one-night stands. You don't get to complain about it now so you make it about something else. Drunken one-night stands are for sad-sack women with low esteem. OK, maybe a slip once or twice over the course of many many years, nobody is perfect. But double digits in a couple of years? Black out sex? Disgusting.
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:02 PM
 
1,997 posts, read 1,734,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Drunken one-night stands are for sad-sack women with low esteem. OK, maybe a slip once or twice over the course of many many years, nobody is perfect. But double digits in a couple of years? Black out sex? Disgusting.
Wow. Must be an incredible view from hiiiiigh up on that pedestal of yours, Onglet.
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:15 PM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,426,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
No, I don't do one night stands at all, because I know better than to think the drunk guy I might pick up at my local saloon is going to care about getting me off. I guess your bar pickups have panned out for you. Great for you that those types still get you off, but I would not promote such behavior to women with self-respect.
Been a long time since I had a one-night stand. I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 years now. I had one with a David Duchovny clone after my divorce. Before that, I was with my ex-husband for a total of 7 years. That takes me back to my 20s.

Quote:
Bar bangs suck for everyone else, most won't luck out like you have. If a gal is going to do it, she better know how to personally ensure she has an orgasm. That may or may not mean digital stimulation, by the way. Taking control means more than masturbation... wow I guess you really have been lucky with your one-night stands, that you are clueless about what it means to take control of your own sex life.
Having a good time in a one-night stand has absolutely nothing to do with whether someone knows how to "take control" of one's sex life. The two are not mutually exclusive. One can be perfectly savvy and able--and just not have to resort to that. Indeed, most men I know will say that a woman genuinely enjoying the whole experience makes them enjoy it that much more themselves. Go figure.

Quote:
You are much better than I would ever be at picking the right guy when you are out partying and drinking. I guess you pick the ones who naturally know how to get you off, I can't knock that.
Actually, my problem is that my one-night stands have backfired on me. More than once, I went into it thinking, "Oh, hell, live it up. He's hot. This is just for a fun night" and there I was, two or three years later, still with the same man, laughing about it. Oops! Guess I make a good first impression. Maybe that's because I figure if two people are in a bed, both should be satisfied, which means caring about the other person's satisfaction as much as my own. Tough life, but someone's gotta live it.
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:18 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,373 posts, read 7,076,178 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
Wow. Must be an incredible view from hiiiiigh up on that pedestal of yours, Onglet.
It's not a pedestal. It's a willingness to take control over my body. I am not perfect by any stretch, and it isn't unusual at all for me to do something that some people could easily call skanky. BUT here is the thing you just don't get: Women are only empowered by their actions when they make personal choices with a clear and deliberate mind.

If you have to be drunk to have a one-night stand, then you truly and honestly don't want to do it, so you are most likely doing it for self-esteem issues or some other fantasy you have going in your head. If you are doing it purely to get off, you don't drink to the blackout stage first. You just go get off, still sober, so you can actually love getting off!

If you don't know the difference between drunk and sober sex, then you've not had great sex yet and I sincerely hope that changes for you some day.
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
2,985 posts, read 2,289,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
Why can't men in her future know about it?

If a guy I am seeing asks me how many men I have been with I am always honest, because I want to be and because I have learnt the truth always comes back to bite you, even if it takes decades, it'll find you eventually.

If he doesnít like the answer, heís not the man for me. I don't judge others on their past and I expect the same in return.

I'm not talking about keeping secrets, hoarding them and refusing to let them out and I think you know that, especially given the explanation. I'm talking about wisely keeping one's past reined in, either until things are on sure footing OR until someone (in this case he) broaches the topic. I've been with women who felt the need to share gory details with me for no reason that I could fathom, all in the name of "sharing" and I've been with women who tried to pretend they had NO past.

I'm just one man but while on one hand I don't want another guy's d*** in my face because of a particularly vivid description, on the other I'm not STUPID, I know you've had a past.

If a man about whom you cared didn't measure up sexually to some partners you've had in the past, would you actually tell him if he asked, and expect him to be "mature" enough to just handle it because he asked a stupid question? While you might find his question distasteful, for whatever reason, be it seeming insecurity or just something which you consider none of his business, do you just let him have the blunt truth, or do you lie, or do you find a way to change the subject tastefully?

I mean if you, half-jokingly, said to a man you cared about "Am I the most beautiful woman in your life?" how would you feel if he said "Well, not the most, but you're on the list"...? Bottom line there: No, you're not, I've definitely been with women who looked better than you.

I've no doubt you're secure in your looks, but are you going to tell me you wouldn't be looking at this guy and experiencing a WTF moment?!?

If the examples I'm giving seem stupid and kind of shallow, stop and think about the nature of the very things we're discussing. When you're young it's very well and good to pretend that anything goes, so long as we tell ourselves we're being MATURE about it, but as you age you're going to learn that sometimes we spare feelings when we care about someone.

It's something to shoot for but it's a RARE couple who can really spill all the beans AND feel okay about it WHILE also maintaining fidelity within whatever boundaries they've established.
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:22 PM
 
1,997 posts, read 1,734,330 times
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Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
More than once, I went into it thinking, "Oh, hell, live it up. He's hot. This is just for a fun night" and there I was, two or three years later, still with the same man, laughing about it. Oops! Guess I make a good first impression. Maybe that's because I figure if two people are in a bed, both should be satisfied, which means caring about the other person's satisfaction as much as my own.
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:22 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,373 posts, read 7,076,178 times
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Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Been a long time since I had a one-night stand. I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 years now. I had one with a David Duchovny clone after my divorce. Before that, I was with my ex-husband for a total of 7 years. That takes me back to my 20s.

Having a good time in a one-night stand has absolutely nothing to do with whether someone knows how to "take control" of one's sex life. The two are not mutually exclusive.
One can be perfectly savvy and able--and just not have to resort to that. Indeed, most men I know will say that a woman genuinely enjoying the whole experience makes them enjoy it that much more themselves. Go figure.

Actually, my problem is that my one-night stands have backfired on me. More than once, I went into it thinking, "Oh, hell, live it up. He's hot. This is just for a fun night" and there I was, two or three years later, still with the same man, laughing about it. Oops! Guess I make a good first impression. Maybe that's because I figure if two people are in a bed, both should be satisfied, which means caring about the other person's satisfaction as much as my own. Tough life, but someone's gotta live it.
I said - and the thread is about - drunken one-night stands. And oh yes, if you are going to be the skank in the story at hand, picking up guys after the chug contest at the local saloon, you absolutely need to take control of the situation if you want to have an orgasm. It isn't the guys' fault that she didn't have fun. She was the leftover drunk chick at the end of the night, why should they care? (PS I have no idea why you insist upon IDing yourself with the skank in this story, but you don't have to argue with me about it. If you want it, it's yours.)
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:26 PM
 
1,997 posts, read 1,734,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
BUT here is the thing you just don't get: Women are only empowered by their actions when they make personal choices with a clear and deliberate mind.

I actually agree with that statement BUT I also don't judge others who want to have sex their way, or with however many people they want.

"double digits in a couple of years? Black out sex? Disgusting"

Each to their damn own, even if it is blackout sex!!! Sometimes people get blind drunk but still want to have sex, it happens!!! Sure it's probably not very enjoyable and unsafe, but it still happens! I am not going to look down my nose at these people. For Christ’s sake a woman having a threesome with 2 men is ALWAYS amongst the top 5 sexual fantasies women have. Do you think they’re disgusting too? This **** is healthy, lustful stuff women with healthy libidos think about. Hell if they want to do it with 8 men they can, it's their bodies and they need to do what makes them happy!!! Who the hell are you or anybody else to judge?

Please let me know where I implied that having blackout sex is empowering and I’ll cop it. I will explain AGAIN that my “you go girl” comment in my OP was for the hotties she’d hooked up with – HOWEVER she hooked up with them, and the fact that she wasn’t shamed into thinking that talking about/keeping track of this stuff was somehow wrong.

I DO get it, but thank you for assuming otherwise..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch View Post
I mean if you, half-jokingly, said to a man you cared about "Am I the most beautiful woman in your life?" how would you feel if he said "Well, not the most, but you're on the list"...? Bottom line there: No, you're not, I've definitely been with women who looked better than you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch View Post

I've no doubt you're secure in your looks, but are you going to tell me you wouldn't be looking at this guy and experiencing a WTF moment?!?
Having spent the past 9 years with a brutally honest man, who will tell me if I look like crap EVEN WHEN I don’t ask him for his opinion , I don’t expect anything less in the future.

Last edited by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*; 10-14-2010 at 06:54 PM..
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