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I've noticed many posters including the OP have refered to the BF as a loser, a loser wouldn't watch his own children or take care of house while his SO worked and got an education, he be out doing what he pleased. So it looks like hes not terribly ambitious. Does he threaten you? Is he demeaning, verbally abusive, physically abusive? Is he a drunk, a drug user, a drug dealer? Is he a cheater?
From what you've posted hes controlling and jealous and gets emotional, not healthy. If you want friends, you don't have to ask him for permission. Invite your friends over to your house to hang out and don't play into the tears and manipulation. He should have the option to get out the house with his friends as well.
If its a matter of getting married too young and feeling as though you've outgrown him and the loves no longer there, just leave it at that. You can end the relationship without calling him an abuser or a loser.
All I can say, is be pragmatic...who will be paying the bills when he leaves? Can you support yourself and kids? How tight will money be? Don't think you will be meeting Prince Charming and fall in love, the Prince is not looking for a Momma with two pieces of baggage. So, go into leaving with your eyes open. It will be you, alone, with your kids. If that is okay, and what you want...do it. But don't leave with the fantasy of a new life with a new guy.
I've noticed many posters including the OP have refered to the BF as a loser, a loser wouldn't watch his own children or take care of house while his SO worked and got an education, he be out doing what he pleased. So it looks like hes not terribly ambitious. Does he threaten you? Is he demeaning, verbally abusive, physically abusive? Is he a drunk, a drug user, a drug dealer? Is he a cheater?
From what you've posted hes controlling and jealous and gets emotional, not healthy. If you want friends, you don't have to ask him for permission. Invite your friends over to your house to hang out and don't play into the tears and manipulation. He should have the option to get out the house with his friends as well.
If its a matter of getting married too young and feeling as though you've outgrown him and the loves no longer there, just leave it at that. You can end the relationship without calling him an abuser or a loser.
Best Wishes
You're right....I know he's not a COMPLETE loser. I mean, he has ambitions and things he wants to do and he does work at night. I guess he's just not a 'winner' when it comes to the relationship between me and him.
What makes it hard is that I'm not angry with him. I feel like it would be so much easier if he did something and I was mad about it. Not that I WANT him to do anything, it would just make the process easier.
Paul Simon said, there's 50 ways to leave your lover......
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
I've been in a relationship with someone for 7 years. We have 2 kids, and we were each others first everything. We had a 2 yr period of "off and on" about 4 years ago in which a lot of things happened. Lies, cheating, general disrespect...etc etc....I was young and naive and let it go and decided to continue on in the relationship.
I have been growing alot as a person and becoming more confident in myself and realizing a lot of things I didn't realize when I was younger. Looking back I should have done a lot of things differently, but I didn't.
In the past few years, my SO has also become more of a man, also. He is becoming the person who he wants to be and I care a lot about him but I am not in love. I don't want to marry him. I want to be single and I don't see myself with him. We have out fair share of problems and I just don't want to try anymore because I am not feeling it. I can't live my life unhappy, just to make him happy. It's not fair to myself.
My problem is I have never had to break up with anyone. And I don't know how. I know that seems silly and I could just say ok bye and kick him out. But it's hard when I don't have any harsh feelings against him. And he's a great father, and I know he's going to take it badly. I feel like I'll be taking his family away and I don't want to do that but I just can't be in this relationship any longer.
Please help!!!
I'm not a fan of couples therapy in general but for you two it might be worth a shot. Your problems all seem to stem from immaturity on both your parts, and childish ideas of what life is supposed to be like. It's unfortunate that you feel you should get a "do over" because you screwed everything up the first time around, especially since you brought kids into the world. This is exactly the reason society is so messed up right now...people like you.
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