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Old 10-07-2010, 10:23 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 34,070,956 times
Reputation: 21529
Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo View Post
He is a great father, we disagree about some things but overall he is a great father. But I don't want to devote my life to someone just for that reason. Yes, he's a great father but he doesn't always treat me the greatest and I'm not happy with the relationship.
I'm not taking the kids from him. Of course he will still be apart of their lives and they go stay with him sometimes.

When I said "I feel like I'll be taking his family away..." I meant more just because he lives with us and they see him everyday and things will change. I didn't mean literally I'm going to disappear with kids.

I guess I worded that wrong on my end.
Then just end it - it's only a relationship and not a marriage or any kind of committment, it wasn't ever "until death do us part" so there's no obligation to even try and keep it going. It was his choice too to have kids with no marriage and he should understand what that means.
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Old 10-07-2010, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Valparaiso, IN
33,882 posts, read 6,409,068 times
Reputation: 75686
I agree that the children need some serious consideration.

I also agree that you MUST try to talk it out with him. Catch him when he's in a good mood and when there are no distractions. Start out by giving him a hug and telling him that you care for him. Calmly tell him that you need to have a long talk with him, and assure him that you are not in attack mode, that you just need to have him listen and try to understand. Then do it, calmly but firmly. Tell him what's on your mind. But also give him a chance to talk and let you know how he feels about everything.

Good luck to you.
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Old 10-07-2010, 10:31 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 3,158,457 times
Reputation: 1646
Be modern and post a video telling him on youtube . But in all seriousness i would tell him with other people present since he seems abusive.
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Old 10-07-2010, 10:32 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 3,158,457 times
Reputation: 1646
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ8 View Post
I agree that the children need some serious consideration.

I also agree that you MUST try to talk it out with him. Catch him when he's in a good mood and when there are no distractions. Start out by giving him a hug and telling him that you care for him. Calmly tell him that you need to have a long talk with him, and assure him that you are not in attack mode, that you just need to have him listen and try to understand. Then do it, calmly but firmly. Tell him what's on your mind. But also give him a chance to talk and let you know how he feels about everything.

Good luck to you.

If she isn't happy she should marry him just because of the kids?
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Old 10-07-2010, 10:45 AM
 
331 posts, read 556,223 times
Reputation: 322
Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmama80 View Post
If she isn't happy she should marry him just because of the kids?
It sounds like they shouldn't get married, but is it fair to tell the kids "Sorry honey, you don't get to see your father this week because he didn't treat Mommy like the princess she thinks she is?"

It's a tough one, but it sounds like no matter how the future of the relationship turns out, you just don't want to be with him anymore. Spare his feelings and talk to him about it, and leave him. Your kids will have a more inconvenient life, you'll crush his heart, and show your children that when things aren't going okay it's perfectly fine to bail on your commitments, but hey, this is all about you, right?
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Old 10-07-2010, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,860 posts, read 10,755,022 times
Reputation: 16368
Break ups need to be swift, like tearing off a band-aid. There is no easy way out, one or both of you will be hurt. If you're waiting for the day he's going to break it off or tell you it's alright to leave and you can take the kids with you, more than likely that day isn't going to happen, unless he meets someone else.

You'll need to convince yourself that this is the right decision for you, without feeling guilt or doubt. If you haven't fully convinced yourself of that, then maybe you need to talk this out one more time. Often couples won't talk until they're in the midst of a heated argument, and by that time it's too late.

Tell him what your plans are and how you feel. Don't leave any room for him to manipulate. Just state your case clearly and matter of factly--if you don't see a change within X amount of time, you are leaving. Then, when X rolls around, if things haven't changed, you leave. No more compromises, no more putting it off. That way you know you've given him an honest chance at meeting you halfway.

Good luck though, because it doesn't sound as though he takes you seriously, and he sees your forgiveness as a weakness that he can always manipulate with some tears and guilt trip.
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Old 10-07-2010, 10:56 AM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,259 posts, read 8,353,350 times
Reputation: 3327
Can I advise you to check and make sure you are not thinking some "grass is greener" idea.
If you have children he will be in your life a very long, long time.
Married 29 years, so I know what I am talking about.
You may not be legally married but you are in your heart and soul. good luck.
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Old 10-07-2010, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Omaha, NE
143 posts, read 136,630 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by pyrotech View Post
It sounds like they shouldn't get married, but is it fair to tell the kids "Sorry honey, you don't get to see your father this week because he didn't treat Mommy like the princess she thinks she is?"

It's a tough one, but it sounds like no matter how the future of the relationship turns out, you just don't want to be with him anymore. Spare his feelings and talk to him about it, and leave him. Your kids will have a more inconvenient life, you'll crush his heart, and show your children that when things aren't going okay it's perfectly fine to bail on your commitments, but hey, this is all about you, right?
Ha....you're right. I should just stay and resent him and let my kids grow up in a home where their parents aren't really happy but fake it...
Things haven't been going "okay" for awhile.... It's not just about me.
How would it be fair to him to stay with him when I'm not really in love with him? I'd just be living a lie, which IMO would hurt him more.

Also,
I don't think wanting to be respected qualifies me as a princess. I don't use my kids as a pawn in a game and use how he treats me as a bargaining tool for him to see them. We have equal rights to the children in my eyes. But I am far better off financially so they will stay with me, and he will not dispute that. This thread isn't about me depriving him from his rights as a father because I'm not.
But thanks again for your opinion
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Old 10-07-2010, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Rockwall
675 posts, read 704,046 times
Reputation: 1069
I have questions about the friends.

Are they married/in a committed relationship? Do they have children?

What kinds of things do you do with your friends?
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Old 10-07-2010, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Omaha, NE
143 posts, read 136,630 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonfly8 View Post
I have questions about the friends.

Are they married/in a committed relationship? Do they have children?

What kinds of things do you do with your friends?
Well my main friends who I associate with are newly married trying to get pregnant and a single lesbian w no kids. But if I were to want to hang out with any other of my female friends he wants to meet them, know every thing about them...which is whatever....he's just very "3rd degree questioning" about everything. It's like he's always accusing me of something. It's frustrating and he knows he does it and he's told me over and over he won't do it, but he always does. He's got these paranoid, jealousy, things going on in his head..... I don't know why. I've never given him a reason.

Oh and I do "girly" things with them! Idk...shopping, nails, sometimes we just go to each others houses and hang out...
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