U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Rockwall
675 posts, read 735,052 times
Reputation: 1069

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo View Post
Well my main friends who I associate with are newly married trying to get pregnant and a single lesbian w no kids. But if I were to want to hang out with any other of my female friends he wants to meet them, know every thing about them...which is whatever....he's just very "3rd degree questioning" about everything. It's like he's always accusing me of something. It's frustrating and he knows he does it and he's told me over and over he won't do it, but he always does. He's got these paranoid, jealousy, things going on in his head..... I don't know why. I've never given him a reason.

Oh and I do "girly" things with them! Idk...shopping, nails, sometimes we just go to each others houses and hang out...
How often do you get together with your girls? Do you take the kids with you?
Does he go do "guy" things? Does he take the kids with him?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Omaha, NE
143 posts, read 141,681 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonfly8 View Post
How often do you get together with your girls? Do you take the kids with you?
Does he go do "guy" things? Does he take the kids with him?
I'm not sure how all of this is relevant....There are OTHER probelms also. The question isn't whether I'm leaving or not, it's what is the best way to do it?
BUT......
I always take kids with me because he's at work when I do things. he works nights and I work days. He doesn't go do "guy" things....he doesn't have really any close friends. He's always been that way. Kinda a 'loner' type.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
182 posts, read 165,624 times
Reputation: 340
Quote:
Originally Posted by pyrotech View Post
It sounds like they shouldn't get married, but is it fair to tell the kids "Sorry honey, you don't get to see your father this week because he didn't treat Mommy like the princess she thinks she is?"

It's a tough one, but it sounds like no matter how the future of the relationship turns out, you just don't want to be with him anymore. Spare his feelings and talk to him about it, and leave him. Your kids will have a more inconvenient life, you'll crush his heart, and show your children that when things aren't going okay it's perfectly fine to bail on your commitments, but hey, this is all about you, right?
Replies like this are the reason I am leaving CD. She comes here and asks for advice but gets a sermon from Reverend Pyro. Well alot of the "Reverends" I've heard about lately sure aren't the ones who need to be sermonizing on marriage. Bye everyone. Some of it has been fun.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Rockwall
675 posts, read 735,052 times
Reputation: 1069
Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo View Post
I'm not sure how all of this is relevant....There are OTHER probelms also. The question isn't whether I'm leaving or not, it's what is the best way to do it?
BUT......
I always take kids with me because he's at work when I do things. he works nights and I work days. He doesn't go do "guy" things....he doesn't have really any close friends. He's always been that way. Kinda a 'loner' type.
I asked because you sound like someone I know. She leaves her kids with her husband so she can have "girl" time several nights a week. And she wonders why he can't stand her friends.

It can be extremely difficult to co-parent. Add in new SO's, other children, more in-laws, extended family. It can suck. Especially for the kids.

If you are determined to end this, talk to an attorney. You will need a court order for child support, visitation etc.

Bases on what you have written, he is not going to take this well, no matter what you say.

~l~
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:40 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 3,287,802 times
Reputation: 1648
Quote:
Originally Posted by pyrotech View Post
It sounds like they shouldn't get married, but is it fair to tell the kids "Sorry honey, you don't get to see your father this week because he didn't treat Mommy like the princess she thinks she is?"

It's a tough one, but it sounds like no matter how the future of the relationship turns out, you just don't want to be with him anymore. Spare his feelings and talk to him about it, and leave him. Your kids will have a more inconvenient life, you'll crush his heart, and show your children that when things aren't going okay it's perfectly fine to bail on your commitments, but hey, this is all about you, right?
No you can work out a good join custody situation....but you shouldn't marry someone just because you kids enjoy their company either. And did you read her posts....because he is pretty abusive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,653 posts, read 2,686,785 times
Reputation: 2268
Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo View Post
We have had brief discussions but it always ends with him crying and me feeling guilty...I have to break that cycle, I know...it's just rough.
I appreciate the feedback though
OMGosh, not a crying man. Those are the worse. Been there and done that. Like you said, you feel guilty. Enough is enough, tho. He's not going to stop crying. Just tell his punk azz. Dude, it's over. The End.

He already knows, hence the waterworks. Get him some tissue and call it a day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Clayton, MO
1,159 posts, read 688,251 times
Reputation: 1522
Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo View Post
Also we tried counseling a year or so ago, but he always found a problem with the therapist. If it was a female, she was biased. If it was a male, he wanted to get in my pants.
Oh man..that is lose-lose.
Sorry to hear you are going through this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Omaha, NE
143 posts, read 141,681 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
OMGosh, not a crying man. Those are the worse. Been there and done that. Like you said, you feel guilty. Enough is enough, tho. He's not going to stop crying. Just tell his punk azz. Dude, it's over. The End.

He already knows, hence the waterworks. Get him some tissue and call it a day.
lmao @ 'HIS PUNK AZZ'
It is the worst! What makes it worst is I am the total opposite...I rarely ever cry about anything and if I don't cry he's like, see you don't even care. And I mean, at this point I don't care....but before it was annoying because I did, I just can't force myself to cry!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 02:39 PM
 
3,261 posts, read 2,889,432 times
Reputation: 3890
Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo View Post
I've been in a relationship with someone for 7 years. We have 2 kids, and we were each others first everything. We had a 2 yr period of "off and on" about 4 years ago in which a lot of things happened. Lies, cheating, general disrespect...etc etc....I was young and naive and let it go and decided to continue on in the relationship.
I have been growing alot as a person and becoming more confident in myself and realizing a lot of things I didn't realize when I was younger. Looking back I should have done a lot of things differently, but I didn't.

In the past few years, my SO has also become more of a man, also. He is becoming the person who he wants to be and I care a lot about him but I am not in love. I don't want to marry him. I want to be single and I don't see myself with him. We have out fair share of problems and I just don't want to try anymore because I am not feeling it. I can't live my life unhappy, just to make him happy. It's not fair to myself.

My problem is I have never had to break up with anyone. And I don't know how. I know that seems silly and I could just say ok bye and kick him out. But it's hard when I don't have any harsh feelings against him. And he's a great father, and I know he's going to take it badly. I feel like I'll be taking his family away and I don't want to do that but I just can't be in this relationship any longer.
Please help!!!
I think you should use your OP as an outline for a long conversation with him. Your husband will remain a big part of your children's lives and therefore your life, even if you separate, so be completely open & honest with him while remaining sensitive to his feelings. You say he is a good father and someone who you have no harsh feelings towards. He deserves that at the minimum.

One final note, I don't doubt that you feel the way you do today, but from my experience, sometimes we need to take a step back in order to get more clarity and perspective. So talk to him but also listen. Maybe you could each go to your relative corners to mull everything over, once it's been said.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2010, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,653 posts, read 2,686,785 times
Reputation: 2268
Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo View Post
lmao @ 'HIS PUNK AZZ'
It is the worst! What makes it worst is I am the total opposite...I rarely ever cry about anything and if I don't cry he's like, see you don't even care. And I mean, at this point I don't care....but before it was annoying because I did, I just can't force myself to cry!
LOL! He would give you time to cry. He's doing all the crying in the relationship. You guys have switched roles, dude! (just kidding)

I dated a crying man for a year. It was like he was always in my bosom. I'm patting his back. There There Mama Caught You! Yuck!

It started with his ailing mom, then the floodgates opened.

Good Grief Charlie Brown. Man Up!

Good Luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:31 PM.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top