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I don't wait. If the mood grabs me on the first date, then it's the first date. If it doesn't grab me until the third date, then it's the third date. If it doesn't grab me until the fifth date, then it's the fifth date. But if it doesn't grab me by the sixth date, it never will.
If you want to wait, then that's great. I sure would not want to talk you out of waiting. In most cases there are some risks in having sex, and if you are not willing to take the risks, then don't take them.
Some people, however, want to moralize and say that I am in some way a lower form of life because I might, in some cases, not wait very long. In this case, I offer a comparison:
Do you drive a car? Every time you drive, you put yourself and a lot of other people at risk of death or serious injury. Suppose you are driving to a movie; pure frivolous entertainment. Are you a lower form of life because you chose to take this risk for the sake of mere entertainment? If you take reasonable precautions, the risk involved in sex are probably less than the risks involved in driving a car.
Bottom line: Beware of the risks, but realize that the moralizing attitude that most people take toward sex is not about any real risks; the moralizing stems from the belief that sex is basically sinful.
I'm aware that there are risks involved with driving. And I actually don't have a car right now. But I used to have a car. Driving is a risk I'm willing to take, because I know my limits. I don't try to do anything too dangerous like a lot of teens, and I don't like to drive on streets that I know I can't handle.
With driving, it's good enough to just hope for the best. But with sex, I'm not willing to do that. I'm not judging you for having sex right away. I'm just saying that, to me, sex is not worth it and I'm not willing to take the risk. When the risk involves sacrificing 18+ years of my life, that's a risk I don't want to take.
But the odds of birth control failing are low. If you wear a condom and she's on the pill, it's very unlikely that you'll experience an unwanted pregnancy. Obviously nothing is 100% but abstinence, but most people would think that a life without the affection and intimacy that sex brings to your life isn't worth it. And you're very young and relatively sheltered. What you're saying now is that you're planning on living a life of isolation in order to avoid something that's relatively unlikely to happen. And as you get older, you're going to find very few adult women willing to get involved with a man who won't have sex with them.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-24-2010 at 10:20 AM..
But the odds of birth control failing are low. If you wear a condom and she's on the pill, it's very unlikely that you'll experience an unwanted pregnancy. Obviously nothing is 100% but abstinence, but most people would think that a life without the affection and intimacy that sex brings to your life isn't worth it. And you're very young and relatively sheltered. What you're saying now is that you're planning on living a life of isolation in order to avoid something that's relatively unlikely to happen. And as you get older, you're going to find very few adult women willing to get involved with a man who won't have sex with them.
My life would only seem isolated to someone that thinks all there is to life is sex. And if anyone thinks that way, that's sad. Sex is the only thing I isolate myself from. I don't isolate myself in other ways. Women aren't interested in me anyway. The fact that I won't have sex is not the only reason they don't get involved with me. And if anyone still believed in waiting until marriage, they would be willing to get involved with me. Because I'm never getting married...if they don't marry me, they wouldn't have sex with me if they believed in waiting. But this is how much I hate the thought of having a baby. I'm willing to live this way to ensure I never become a dad.
Let's use Lasik surgery as an analogy. There's a small chance of going blind so I don't think it's worth it. I don't want to risk going blind just to have 20/20 vision. I use contact lenses. Yes, having a baby is almost as undesirable to me as going blind.
Also, I put on a condom once (long story). Let's just say that based on my skill of putting a condom on, I would probably be in the 10% where condoms fail.
Even if I fell in love, that wouldn't change the fact that I never want to have kids and never want to get married. You can be in love with someone without being married to them and without having sex with them.
Even if I fell in love, that wouldn't change the fact that I never want to have kids and never want to get married. You can be in love with someone without being married to them and without having sex with them.
it's probably been suggested, but why don't you have a vasectomy?
Also, I'm not sure how old you are: but don't be surprised if you do change your mind regarding kids
If you are dating someone, how long do you wait until getting intimate?
Until the door is shut behind us.
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