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Old 10-13-2010, 11:04 AM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,597,355 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
You're obviously close with this woman, enough to travel with her. Why not ask her what it is about you that put you in the friend zone? She might have insight on a particular mannerism or quirk you have that is offputting. Something that you don't see because you don't look at yourself objectively.
Be careful about asking this though. While getting honest feedback would be helpful, if your first post is any indicator, you may not react well to hearing the truth.
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Old 10-13-2010, 11:12 AM
 
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Fleetiebelle, you may be right with that. I might ask her. If I have not done that already is because: 1) It's weird and hard to admit. And 2) I already tried asking 2 other female friends and none could come up with anything useful. Just the typical "be yourself and it will come when you least expect it".

DennyCrane: I have to agree that a pessimistic guy can turn off. Personally though, I have noticed no difference in how women perceive me from my cheerful times to other quite dull seasons of mine. Maybe I have been double as attractive when I was cheerful, but it never got to the level where I was attractive enough, it seems.
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Old 10-13-2010, 11:40 AM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,597,355 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carra View Post
DennyCrane: I have to agree that a pessimistic guy can turn off. Personally though, I have noticed no difference in how women perceive me from my cheerful times to other quite dull seasons of mine. Maybe I have been double as attractive when I was cheerful, but it never got to the level where I was attractive enough, it seems.
Two things. First, if they've seen you both dull and cheerful, it's entirely possible your dull moments made a more lasting impression. I might meet a girl who comes across as having low-self esteem and then see her again when she's upbeat. But despite seeing her upbeat, I'll still remember that I've seen her being down on herself and I might conclude that that's the real her. Second, people often project things about themselves that they're not fully aware of. So while you may have been cheerful at the time, even little comments or looks might signal that you're not as cheerful as you act. And even if you were, that still doesn't guarantee that you'll be attractive to someone. I meet confident women everyday, but I'm not attracted to all of them just because they have high self-esteem. That's just a starting point. But if they don't even have that, then I won't be interested in learning more about them.
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