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If I knew the relationship was not exclusive I would accept the other dating multiple persons. However, I would not put a lot of energy in the 'relationship' because she obviously is not be putting 100 percent into it herself.
Otherwise, probably the other guy had sex with her right away and that probably swayed her to pick him as her boyfriend. Many people today worry about dating someone for a while without having sex, and then when they finally have sex, it turns out that they are lousy or incompatible in the bedroom. But by that time, it's more difficult to break up with them...
Is the answer then to sleep with people on the first date? I mean, I was offended, tbh, that she wanted me to do that. And especially because she made me feel like a moron for not wanting to jump in bed. I really need to feel more comfortable with someone before I can do that. There needs to be some level of trust and emotional attachment. And it wasn't really how I was raised--to think it was OK to have sex so immediately. I'm an adult now and can make that decision, but I still feel like it's not right for me.
I can see your point, but I figure it's all part of it, right? There's always a risk you won't be sexually compatible with someone, but is that a reason to share more of yourself than you're comfortable with before you can even get through a conversation, just so you'll know for sure before you agree to a second date?
The way you describe the situation, it looks as if she wanted to compare the prowess of the two guys she was involved with, and figured she'd go with whoever was "better" at it. You short-circuited her plan.
Is there any chance you were a rebound date for her? Did she just come out of a relationship when you two met? Maybe she was looking to screw the memory of her ex out of her system and just seek out something with the emphasis on pleasure and keeping things casual, rather than get too close to someone right away.
I don't think anyone is obligated to disclose that they're dating other people until one of two things happens: one party asks the other if they are seeing anyone else or to be exclusive, or you each agree to exclusivity. Until then, it's no one's business and volunteering that information on your own is unnecessary.
The way you describe the situation, it looks as if she wanted to compare the prowess of the two guys she was involved with, and figured she'd go with whoever was "better" at it. You short-circuited her plan.
I think you dodged a bullet, myself.
Well, I'm a woman and the other person she's dating is, too, but then I don't think that really changes anything. She was probably still wanting to compare me to the other woman and the other woman was willing to put out, I guess.
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Originally Posted by Coolhand68
Is there any chance you were a rebound date for her? Did she just come out of a relationship when you two met? Maybe she was looking to screw the memory of her ex out of her system and just seek out something with the emphasis on pleasure and keeping things casual, rather than get too close to someone right away.
Yeah--she told me she'd just gotten out of a long-term relationship that was abusive. I hadn't looked it at quite that way, but you could very well be right.
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I don't think anyone is obligated to disclose that they're dating other people until one of two things happens: one party asks the other if they are seeing anyone else or to be exclusive, or you each agree to exclusivity. Until then, it's no one's business and volunteering that information on your own is unnecessary.
I suppose I agree with you but would still amend it to include disclosing what's going on if people are sleeping together, because I would not want to sleep with someone who was also sleeping with other people. I realize we have only so much control over that (people can obviously just lie), but I'd like to avoid it. Too conservative? I hope not.
I suppose I agree with you but would still amend it to include disclosing what's going on if people are sleeping together, because I would not want to sleep with someone who was also sleeping with other people. I realize we have only so much control over that (people can obviously just lie), but I'd like to avoid it. Too conservative? I hope not.
I wouldn't say it's too conservative. That's an individual preference. Something you should probably ask if it's that important to you. Otherwise it will be on the back of your mind the entire time you're together.
There's always a risk you won't be sexually compatible with someone, but is that a reason to share more of yourself than you're comfortable with before you can even get through a conversation, just so you'll know for sure before you agree to a second date?
Sadly, seems like for a lot of people these days, it is. That "rush to the finish" mentality is precisely why people sit around and wonder, "Is/was she/he really into me?" If the end goal is achieved, you really don't know. You could have just been a temporary past time until the "right" one comes along. I think that someone who's really interested in a forming a serious relationship should want to wait a respectable amount of time. But that's just me.
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