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As I said there are always exceptions. I do love myself, and my self-esteem is high, but I am no Amelia Earhart. Few of us are. You are looking at exceptional people, and making demands of the ordinary.
Ah... A light goes on. How do you think a ordinary guy feels about it? Not the exceptional guy that has no insecurities or the manipulator that knows how to push all the right buttons. But just a average shmoe. Oh wait, guys that do not ask must be:
1. Not interested
2. Gay
3. Losers
4. Weird
5. Momma boys
6. Lacking confidence
7. Twits
8. Genetic defects waiting for the forces of evolution to prune from the gene pool.
Ah... A light goes on. How do you think a ordinary guy feels about it? Not the exceptional guy that has no insecurities or the manipulator that knows how to push all the right buttons. But just a average shmoe. Oh wait, guys that do not ask must be:
1. Not interested
2. Gay
3. Losers
4. Weird
5. Momma boys
6. Lacking confidence
7. Twits
8. Genetic defects waiting for the forces of evolution to prune from the gene pool.
I don't understand this post. I think you probably would like to take this conversation in a direction of no interest to me.
Since I am wrong about being risk-averse, what is the real reason why don't women routinely ask men out?
Custom. Pure and simple. People convince themselves that the way they are accustomed to is the right way. Breaking custom is bad and sometimes with good reason. Other times the march of thinking moves on and the custom is altered for a new custom that works better.
So a better question is; Is it time to change the way men and women approach each other for dating and marriage? Perhaps or perhaps not. Hard to tell if women have evolved enough yet.
Custom. Pure and simple. People convince themselves that the way they are accustomed to is the right way. Breaking custom is bad and sometimes with good reason. Other times the march of thinking moves on and the custom is altered for a new custom that works better.
So a better question is; Is it time to change the way men and women approach each other for dating and marriage? Perhaps or perhaps not. Hard to tell if women have evolved enough yet.
I think the reasons a woman may look for a man to initiate may have nothing to do with the most commonly proposed ones.
I don't typically ask guys out, not because I'm afraid of rejection or fear breaking some imaginary social rule...but because I find men who initiate more attractive than the passive sort. I have no problem giving a guy my number (and I've done it a number of times tipsy), but for the most part I just DON'T WANT the guy that didn't ask for my number, because I anticipate that he'll be the guy seeking my initiative on a lot of other things from then on out, and that just doesn't attract me. I like a man who leads. I find that sexy. That's just my preference.
I'm passive and submissive and I love being that way.
Nothing to do with "fear of rejection" or social norms.
Another misconception on this thread is that these things are one-sided. For every man who wishes a woman took more initiative when it comes to asking him out and generally initiating the relationship, there's a man who wouldn't even consider a woman who did that, and are seeking the more customary chase because they don't find the former option even remotely appealing.
Another misconception on this thread is that these things are one-sided. For every man who wishes a woman took more initiative when it comes to asking him out and generally initiating the relationship, there's a man who wouldn't even consider a woman who did that, and are seeking the more customary chase because they don't find the former option even remotely appealing.
So exactly what is your point? From your other post I am guessing that the guy that does not ask falls on to the list I posted previously.
It is always easy to deceive ourselves. For we always know the things we want to hear. Our decissions are rational because we made them. (We tend to ignore the jeers and catcalls from the gallery.)
That your comment about women "evolving" ignores the complexity and mutualism of seemingly "imbalanced" interactions.
If people are perceiving common social behavior as imbalanced and disharmonic, they aren't looking closely enough.
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