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Ok so from 6-12 grade a lot of girls used to chase me around and call me cute and say they liked me. And at the time I had an over-inflated view of myself so I wasn't 100% sure if they really liked me or were mocking me. Later I regretted not making a move when I supposedly had a chance with so many beautiful girls at such a young age. And I really hated college, because the whole hook-up culture, and I wasn't the center of attention any more. But recently I have come to take a very honest self-critical objectivist view of myself. And basically the only conclusion I can draw is that I'm now and have always been a retarded freak show. And so that has forced me to powefully reevaluate my past. ITs become quite clear that those girls certainly were just pretending to flirt with my in order to hurt me for being a freak. I used to think of girls as innocent, exploited powerless victims. But now I see how they used they're sexual power to hurt me personally. And its making me take a powerful reevaluation about my opinions on women.
But in one sense my self-realization has been a postivive. It has made me better able to swallow the bitter pill of my position in the social hierarchy. And it should put to bed any wishful thinking about the what-ifs , coulda beens, and missed opportunities of JRHS and HS.
Ok so from 6-12 grade a lot of girls used to chase me around and call me cute and say they liked me. And at the time I had an over-inflated view of myself so I wasn't 100% sure if they really liked me or were mocking me. Later I regretted not making a move when I supposedly had a chance with so many beautiful girls at such a young age. And I really hated college, because the whole hook-up culture, and I wasn't the center of attention any more. But recently I have come to take a very honest self-critical objectivist view of myself. And basically the only conclusion I can draw is that I'm now and have always been a retarded freak show. And so that has forced me to powefully reevaluate my past. ITs become quite clear that those girls certainly were just pretending to flirt with my in order to hurt me for being a freak. I used to think of girls as innocent, exploited powerless victims. But now I see how they used they're sexual power to hurt me personally. And its making me take a powerful reevaluation about my opinions on women.
But in one sense my self-realization has been a postivive. It has made me better able to swallow the bitter pill of my position in the social hierarchy. And it should put to bed any wishful thinking about the what-ifs , coulda beens, and missed opportunities of JRHS and HS.
Thoughts?
Dude, when I was in that 6-12 grade age, my harem was at like quadruple its present size
I even earned the nickname of Krishna and his million women. Also, partly because I regularly played the role of Krishna in school plays and skits, countless times.
Seriously? All the girls that flirted with you for seven years were all in on this gigantic prank? If anything, it's a lot more egotistical on your part to assume so many girls were so preoccupied with you, that they engineered such a scheme - and kept it up for seven years.
In life, the most likely explanation usually isn't the most complicated - it's the simplest - and in this case, it's that they found you attractive and liked you. Why is that so hard for you to believe.
Also, you say you used to think girls were "innocent, exploited powerless victims" - believe me, as a group, they're not! They're human beings - just like you. Some are strong, some are weak, some are kind, some are not - but if you see all women as exploited and weak, you're going to have a problem relating to real women.
Seriously? All the girls that flirted with you for seven years were all in on this gigantic prank? If anything, it's a lot more egotistical on your part to assume so many girls were so preoccupied with you, that they engineered such a scheme - and kept it up for seven years.
In life, the most likely explanation usually isn't the most complicated - it's the simplest - and in this case, it's that they found you attractive and liked you. Why is that so hard for you to believe.
Also, you say you used to think girls were "innocent, exploited powerless victims" - believe me, as a group, they're not! They're human beings - just like you. Some are strong, some are weak, some are kind, some are not - but if you see all women as exploited and weak, you're going to have a problem relating to real women.
Well the thing is for years afterward I used to debate with myself whether or not the girls genunely liked me or were just teasing. and there was some evidence on either side. And I'd kick myself for not making a move when I had such a great opprotunity. But recently I've come to learn what a messed up freak I'm, so its become blindingly obvious what was going on back then. I'm not saying that every girl who ever flirted with me was in on a giant conspiracy, just that they found it fun to tease me. Of course I never fell for any of their traps, because even back then when I was pretty self-delusional, I still sensed a trap, and so never let myself return their fake "attraction".
Well the thing is for years afterward I used to debate with myself whether or not the girls genunely liked me or were just teasing. and there was some evidence on either side. And I'd kick myself for not making a move when I had such a great opprotunity. But recently I've come to learn what a messed up freak I'm, so its become blindingly obvious what was going on back then. I'm not saying that every girl who ever flirted with me was in on a giant conspiracy, just that they found it fun to tease me. Of course I never fell for any of their traps, because even back then when I was pretty self-delusional, I still sensed a trap, and so never let myself return their fake "attraction".
Over analyzing burns out brain cells, Good lord go easy on yourself.
Teasing isn't concrete evidence of dislike, it can mean the contrary in ages 6-12 and even adults, it isn't difficult to tell the difference.
Over analyzing burns out brain cells, Good lord go easy on yourself.
Teasing isn't concrete evidence of dislike, it can mean the contrary in ages 6-12 and even adults, it isn't difficult to tell the difference.
IT is a complex situation. On the one hand as I look at myself now. Its clear that there is no way those girls could actually have meant anything they actually said. So why do it? Theres no other way then to say what they did was rather cruel.
On the other hand what did they get out of it? Amusement, I guess. But its not like I fell head over heels in love with them and made a fool of myself that way. I enjoyed the female attention, but I was self-disciplined enough to always turn them down. Part of that was "staying in character", and part not wanting to be made a fool if it was indeed a trap. Unless that in itself was the fun of it, flirting with a guy whos trying to resist temptation. They didn't seem cruel at the time. IDK the best I can figure the just found it fun and amusing to pretend to flirt with the crazy, retarded freak.
But its good. It means I don't have to live in the past anymore because the past sucks. And the coulda beens if I had made a move would have just led to humiliation. And it means there wasn't some great Fall after high school.
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