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Old 10-17-2010, 04:09 AM
 
1,160 posts, read 1,882,618 times
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I read posts on this forum about people who find old flames on Failbook who reconnect thinking that everything is going to be happy and grand.

Weirdly, I've had just the opposite experience. I looked up my first true love, and he didn't turn out to be anything like I assumed. Not that he's an evil person; but he's turned into a rabid 9-11 "Truther" who's paranoid about everything, as well as strongly anti-Jewish. Has some strange ideas about Mother Earth and her people. I wonder what caused him to be like that.

Another old flame with whom I chatted briefly has been struggling financially over the years, as in, couch surfing between freelance gigs. I used to love that he was a "free spirit," untethered to the 9-to-5 grind. He was going to be the "next Bono." I was also still in college and didn't know sh*t from shinola about what it took to be self-sustaining.

These were men I dated before age 24, when I really didn't know much about relationships and marriage. So I have my wet-behind-the-ears excuse, I guess.

So I'm just wondering ... do any of you find that you look back on some people you dated a long, long time ago and feel relieved you got off at that particular stop more often than not?
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Old 10-17-2010, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 23,155,711 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703 View Post
I read posts on this forum about people who find old flames on Failbook who reconnect thinking that everything is going to be happy and grand.

Weirdly, I've had just the opposite experience. I looked up my first true love, and he didn't turn out to be anything like I assumed. Not that he's an evil person; but he's turned into a rabid 9-11 "Truther" who's paranoid about everything, as well as strongly anti-Jewish. Has some strange ideas about Mother Earth and her people. I wonder what caused him to be like that.

Another old flame with whom I chatted briefly has been struggling financially over the years, as in, couch surfing between freelance gigs. I used to love that he was a "free spirit," untethered to the 9-to-5 grind. He was going to be the "next Bono." I was also still in college and didn't know sh*t from shinola about what it took to be self-sustaining.

These were men I dated before age 24, when I really didn't know much about relationships and marriage. So I have my wet-behind-the-ears excuse, I guess.

So I'm just wondering ... do any of you find that you look back on some people you dated a long, long time ago and feel relieved you got off at that particular stop more often than not?
There are many such characters among the youth these days. These losers never realize they are going to lose when they set abstract objectives.
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:22 AM
 
400 posts, read 657,864 times
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Well, I'm not sure they're total losers. They party more and get laid more in college. Even the OP admits to falling for their charms at that stage, and my gut says she probably wasn't the only one. The shiftless types seem to do well enough with the younger sets, with regards to dating. It's just that with the average life expectancy closing in on 80 years their plan might not work as well in the long term.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:06 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,371 posts, read 11,552,598 times
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Yes.
I was in my early 20s, working as a waitress. He was line cook there. I was absolutely crazy about him, something that baffled my friends (because he was a really skinny, nerdy looking guy). We started dating, but he was also dating someone else. Over time - and I'll bet we are talking about months though it seems like longer - I felt I was really falling in love with him. This of course meant it came time for him to make a choice as i could not see myself sharing this guy going forward. He chose her, and they later moved in together. I was devastated, but went in to work the next week like a good little trouper. He started flirting with me as though nothing had ever happened, which prompted me to quit my job and never speak to him again.

Fast forward, almost 20 years later... he found me on Facebook. I must admit my heart skipped a beat when I saw his name in my in-box. Here is what he reported had happened after I walked away from him and never looked back:

He married the gal he chose over me a couple of years later. They were married for several years when he discovered she was having an affair with a close friend of his. Upon being discovered, they told him that they were in love and that his marriage is over. He did not react very well and ended up going to jail for his "violent reactions" and for "stalking them for six months or so." They did get a divorce.

Since then he's been underemployed, working in kitchens here and there. He started drinking heavily during the end of his marriage and I suspect this is why he's had a hard time holding down a job. (For a minute or two I wondered if he was on meth given what he told me and his west coast location.) We talked for a week or two on Facebook then he disappeared... came back two months later to apologize and report he had been in jail for a month. (I did not bother to ask why.)

After this whole story he told me he always regretted his decision, and that he didn't expect that I would just kick him out of my life like I ripped off a bandaid. He also speculated that his life would have been so much better had we gotten together because of my driven personality. So he's thinking I would have lifted him up, but I suspect he would have just dragged me down.

We still chat on facebook once a month or so, when we are on at the same time. He doesn't have a computer where he is living so he uses the computers at his local library. He seems like the same person I walked away from when I was 22. Not in a good way.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:31 AM
 
9,810 posts, read 18,074,347 times
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I think just about every person I ever dated, at the end of the day so to speak, I was glad I didn't end up with any of them for many different reasons.

Personally I don't view it as a negative because going through that process I learned about who I wanted and did not want in my life among many other life lessons.

Probably the only regret I have was a gal I dated in high school. Long story, but probably wasn't meant to be. It was a series of bad errors and misjudgments not to mention what other people did to me, that made my senior year in high school about one of the worst of my life.

I looked her up in recent years and she is still attractive and well. Married though with a child. I don't see any point in revisiting it however and making contact again.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:33 AM
Ep-
 
2,064 posts, read 3,345,211 times
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a girl i dated in high school is now like 300lbs
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:36 AM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,978 posts, read 27,402,928 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703 View Post
Ever realize you dodged a bullet?
Oh absolutely. The girlfriend I had before I met my wife. We had sooooo much fun together. She was a total athlete, she was my sexual soul mate. She looked like a cross between Sandra Bullock and Diane Lane. Had rock hard abs and the body of a Boris Vallejo painting. Saw her not too long ago and she got FAT and OLD which is a bad combination. Compare her to what I have now and its like comparing an old elephant grey wrinkled up fat cow to a young beautiful dainty flower.

I thought I would end up marrying that chick. That was like dodging a FMJ Hydra Shok .45 ACP Bullet aimed for the temple for sure.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,701,910 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703 View Post
he's turned into a rabid 9-11 "Truther"
Well, it's a matter of perception. IMO he's developed a brain.

As far as the original topic, just about anybody I've wanted who didn't want me can be considered a dodged bullet. Getting them normally causes way more destruction than not getting them. Thank you all!
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:58 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 28,297,184 times
Reputation: 25755
Maybe they "dodged" a bullet by not being with me...
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Old 10-17-2010, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Flo-Rida
2,511 posts, read 3,164,188 times
Reputation: 2094
I just leave anyone from the past in the past. From time to time I get friend invites from old flames on Facebook & I just hit the deny request button.
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