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Okay, so I told him he has to stop. And he says, "okay, if it means the difference between our relationship or not, I'll make the choice to stop. But what about you? (And then proceeds to point out stuff that I've been putting off, etc.) Not a one-way street."
This is classic alcoholism/drinker's behavior and could get worse. They will pull you down with them by pointing to you and your problems without addessing his/her own issues. It's manipulative and will become emotionally abusive and feelings of guilt all the way to extreme physical violence. It's been found that often children of alcoholics who don't even drink will develop personalites of alcoholics and these are known as "dry drunks." If he is starting to point out all your flaws you will question yourself. I am familiar with a 'dry drunk' and their behavior.
Here are a couple things to read and look into which may help you.
Warning Signs Alcoholic Treating Me Horribly Bad-Abusive Relationships
I never understood the warning signs of being in an abusive relationship. Being use to the alcoholic treating me poorly was a way of life. I’ll never forget the day when a friend who was a professional family counselor, told me that I was in a horribly bad relationship and that I was being abused mentally, spiritually and physically. His honesty led me to stop sharing with him from my heart ever again. I was in such denial that I couldn’t think of the alcoholic that I loved so much as being an abusive person. I was so far off in fantasy land that it would take three other people before I would listen and get help.
Al-Anon
Al-Anon Family Groups offer understanding, help and support to the families of problem drinkers. We are a fellowship of relatives and friends who share our experience, strength and hope in order to solve common problems. Al Anon Family Groups
My boyfriend likes to get drunk about once a week. He does this in our apartment, with no one there except the two of us. I don't like this because he gets drunk to the point of falling on the floor and passing out, and can't remember conversations or have a coherent conversation with me. I've told him my thoughts on his drunken state, and he considers it an "imperfection" and tells me, "everybody has flaws." I know I have flaws, we all do, but I see his drunken behavior as more than just an "imperfection." How do I tell him this? Or am I being too hard on him?
Too hard? Yeesh. I think you are far too young to be starting out life with THIS monkey on your back. It's not an "imperfection"...it's bordering on alcoholism. I'd tell him to ditch the booze, or he can drink alone.
My boyfriend likes to get drunk about once a week. He does this in our apartment, with no one there except the two of us. I don't like this because he gets drunk to the point of falling on the floor and passing out, and can't remember conversations or have a coherent conversation with me. I've told him my thoughts on his drunken state, and he considers it an "imperfection" and tells me, "everybody has flaws." I know I have flaws, we all do, but I see his drunken behavior as more than just an "imperfection." How do I tell him this? Or am I being too hard on him?
Throughout history there have been many great men who have enjoyed their alcohol. There are countless tales, for instance of Sir Winston Churchill and his drunken antics. Many other very highly respected men were drinkers.
Alcohol has been the beverage of choice for literally THOUSANDS of years. There is a good reason for that - drinking is a pleasant experience. Putting labels on someone because they like to drink has been a recent invention resulting the from the current repressive and pseudo-puritanical society that this country has adopted during the past 40 or 50 years.
In Medieval times, the water quality was so bad that everyone drank lots of beer and wine -all the time! Even the children. Alcohol is not evil and someone who drinks is not automatically an alcoholic.
That having been said. You might discuss with your boyfriend about the possibility of him being depressed as alcohol is frequently a method of self-medication for emotional issues. If his drinking habits are impacting his performance at work, or the quality of his life, then there may be a problem there.
Otherwise, perhaps he is simply like my husband who is very, very, very stressed out a lot of the time and enjoys having some drinks to unwind and forget about the matters that are bothering him. My husband gets tipsy on a regular basis (although I have to say, he has not passed out).
I would certainly recommend that he start taking some Milk Thistle supplement which protects his liver from damage from drinking. My husband takes it regularly, as do I.
If his drinking bothers you that much, then perhaps you need to consider having a boyfriend who is on the same page as you are about adult beverages. Expecting him to change for you is never a good idea.
This is classic alcoholism/drinker's behavior and could get worse. They will pull you down with them by pointing to you and your problems without addessing his/her own issues. It's manipulative and will become emotionally abusive and feelings of guilt all the way to extreme physical violence. It's been found that often children of alcoholics who don't even drink will develop personalites of alcoholics and these are known as "dry drunks." If he is starting to point out all your flaws you will question yourself. I am familiar with a 'dry drunk' and their behavior.
His parents aren't alcoholics.
And, how do I respond to him when he says this stuff to me?
And, how do I respond to him when he says this stuff to me?
You don't. If this is happening it will be a perpetual excuse for continuing on the same path he is on. So, it's stay and deal with it or leave.
The link to Al-Anon will help you find meetings in your local area and are simply AA meetings for people living with or being with a drinker who is excessive with it and offer you support for this very question. They help you identify what's really going on and are a support system for YOU not him. It's certainly something I'd look into - what have you got to lose by discussing this with people who are actually dealing with the same issues?
My boyfriend likes to get drunk about once a week. He does this in our apartment, with no one there except the two of us. I don't like this because he gets drunk to the point of falling on the floor and passing out, and can't remember conversations or have a coherent conversation with me. I've told him my thoughts on his drunken state, and he considers it an "imperfection" and tells me, "everybody has flaws." I know I have flaws, we all do, but I see his drunken behavior as more than just an "imperfection." How do I tell him this? Or am I being too hard on him?
Note pinned on bathroom mirror..
"Dear boyfriend
I can't do this anymore. So I have left. I care a lot about you. Please get help."
Maybe he'll get help, maybe he won't. YOU deserve better, don't you?
To be honest, I think you're kind of lame...you're spazzing out over an adult who gets plastered one time a week?!...wow
just wow.
Thats nowhere near alcoholic...maybe a binge drinker but problematic alcoholism?..nope. but only you know what you're seeking in a partner...if you dont want someone who drinks then hopefully you'll find someone else, but I definitely dont view his behavior as problematic, so much as your expectations of him.
ya the dood does it once a week not like hes going crazy and getting wasted on a monday night when hes got work the next day. just let him have some fun, maybe drink with him. you sound a bit like a killjoy
That would be too frequent for my liking. No way would i live with that. It just looks... crappy, sleazy. I hate seeing ANYONE falling down drunk, passed out. My best friend does that, though I don't know how often anymore, as I don't go out with her or attend her parties because of that. She hangs with a crowd that does that. I'm not going to her wedding because of that. At least she and her fiance have THAT in common...
This is the end of our friendship, my choice. Because I don't want that kind of behavior close to me.
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Yeesh. I think you are far too young to be starting out life with THIS monkey on your back. 
