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hi everyone, i haven't posted on the relationship are of this forum before but i am interested in people's opinions/experiences with this (if any) as it is getting really tough to deal with.
ok, my boyfriend. he is a lovely guy. very family oriented, hardworking, affectionate, disease free, not a drug addict- these are all pluses if you live in LA!
but he has ADD, and i am sure has had it his entire life. we have been together for over a year, but it is getting really tough to reconcile myself to the idea of being with him for the rest of my life.
whenever we argue, he will forget what he said about five minutes before. the most horrible things come out of his mouth and then five minutes later he swears he didn't say it. i truly don't know if this is by design on his part, or a symptom of his ADD.
then there is the "piles". i had another boyfriend years ago who had ADD, and they BOTH had this tendency to put stuff in piles, and it drives me batty. i am a pretty anal broad, and i believe in a place for everything and everything in its place. i am constantly trying to get him organized, and his version is just "piles"...piles of bills, piles of papers with no real order to them, and it would be one thing if this were a help to him, a sort of self-structuring mechanism- but it isn't. it drives him insane as well, but it still happens.
time management is another, HUGE issue. he is late for everything and always has unrealistic expectations about how much time something will take. 15 minutes to get from silverlake to west adams on a friday in rush hour traffic? not gonna happen, but he makes this assumption regularly, at the expense of the goodwill of the people he works for.
he has many fantastic ideas, but no follow through. he is constantly starting things and leaving them midstream all over the place, in again, PILES.
he will walk across the room to get a tool or to address something else, and will be waylaid by one of his other projects and then forget what he was doing.
he shuns the idea of medication, and so do i- and i wonder if the problem isn't in my perception of things. perhaps i am too rigid, and he is too lax, and there might be a happy medium in there for us if we could find it.
but our communication problems constantly drive a wedge between us. we have broken up numerous times- but like i said, he really is a lovely guy, and i love him very much, but it is getting very monotonous. i can't imagine having a child with someone who forgets what he is doing as he is walking across the room.
anyone else out there have any experience with a spouse and ADD? any sort of advice would be appreciated.
hi everyone, i haven't posted on the relationship are of this forum before but i am interested in people's opinions/experiences with this (if any) as it is getting really tough to deal with.
ok, my boyfriend. he is a lovely guy. very family oriented, hardworking, affectionate, disease free, not a drug addict- these are all pluses if you live in LA!
but he has ADD, and i am sure has had it his entire life. we have been together for over a year, but it is getting really tough to reconcile myself to the idea of being with him for the rest of my life.
whenever we argue, he will forget what he said about five minutes before. the most horrible things come out of his mouth and then five minutes later he swears he didn't say it. i truly don't know if this is by design on his part, or a symptom of his ADD.
then there is the "piles". i had another boyfriend years ago who had ADD, and they BOTH had this tendency to put stuff in piles, and it drives me batty. i am a pretty anal broad, and i believe in a place for everything and everything in its place. i am constantly trying to get him organized, and his version is just "piles"...piles of bills, piles of papers with no real order to them, and it would be one thing if this were a help to him, a sort of self-structuring mechanism- but it isn't. it drives him insane as well, but it still happens.
time management is another, HUGE issue. he is late for everything and always has unrealistic expectations about how much time something will take. 15 minutes to get from silverlake to west adams on a friday in rush hour traffic? not gonna happen, but he makes this assumption regularly, at the expense of the goodwill of the people he works for.
he has many fantastic ideas, but no follow through. he is constantly starting things and leaving them midstream all over the place, in again, PILES.
he will walk across the room to get a tool or to address something else, and will be waylaid by one of his other projects and then forget what he was doing.
he shuns the idea of medication, and so do i- and i wonder if the problem isn't in my perception of things. perhaps i am too rigid, and he is too lax, and there might be a happy medium in there for us if we could find it.
but our communication problems constantly drive a wedge between us. we have broken up numerous times- but like i said, he really is a lovely guy, and i love him very much, but it is getting very monotonous. i can't imagine having a child with someone who forgets what he is doing as he is walking across the room.
anyone else out there have any experience with a spouse and ADD? any sort of advice would be appreciated.
Sounds more like a Scorpio to me.
Find someone who is more like you and doesn't drive you crazy. You cannot change him. Don't try. Either accept him EXACTLY as he is or move on. Otherwise life will be a constant frustration for both of you.
Which would lead to the conclusion that there is no official diagnosis.
Yeah. There's a lot of pop-psychology out there that leads people to believe that all adults who are messy, impulsive, and have mouth control issues have ADD, but absent of such a diagnosis, you may not be affording him the responsibility to work on his behavioral deficiencies.
Yeah. There's a lot of pop-psychology out there that leads people to believe that all adults who are messy, impulsive, and have mouth control issues have ADD, but absent of such a diagnosis, you may not be affording him the responsibility to work on his behavioral deficiencies.
Exactly.....sometimes they're just nasty pigs, period, end of story.
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