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I wouldn't recommend getting married that young, however I can see it working if the couple lives and socializes in an environment where it is considered the norm and they have many continuing positive role models.
I've read that divorce rates are higher among couples who marry young. On the other hand, marrying fresh out of high school used to be pretty common, and divorces were fewer. I don't know whether that has reversed because divorce doesn't carry the stigma it used to. Perhaps many of the couples married back then would have divorced but didn't, or perhaps many of the couples today aren't trying hard enough. I don't really know.
I wouldn't base my decision to marry on what I've read. I've been married almost 50 years and I'm 68. Like any marriage there were fights but here we are
I wouldn't base my decision to marry on what I've read. I've been married almost 50 years and I'm 68. Like any marriage there were fights but here we are
Of course you shouldn't base your decision on some statistics you read, but it would be a good idea to think about why those statistics exist. That way you can make better, more informed decisions.
I think it really depends on the circumstances surrounding the marriage. If you are just giving yourself a "deadline" and trying to fit someone into your mold of the perfect time to get married, it may not be something that is lasting.
My husband and I met in our senior year of HS. We were together for 5 years before we got married. We wanted to graduate, find a place to live and guarantee jobs before we settled down. We were 23 when we married, so not really young, but young enough that a lot of people wondered if we were going to last.
We've been married 13 years (together for 18) and have 4 kids together. We are very happy together and have a great life. I look forward to seeing him everyday when he comes home from work and we like spending time with eachother. We still have a great spark in our marriage and there are times when I still get butterflies, especially when we've been apart.
We knew eachother well when we finally married. I'm not sure we would have made the same choices in married life had we only known eachother a short time before that. We knew exactly who we were marrying and there were no surprises.
It may work out well. After all, it was the norm to marry within a few years of HS graduation for generations.
However, I think it's more difficult now. The major danger would be when the kids move out/leave and then you find out you have changed and grown in different directions. I guess a lot of this could be avoided or minimized by taking the time to put your relationship first. At least part of the time. It takes continuous effort to remain close.
I wouldn't base my decision to marry on what I've read. I've been married almost 50 years and I'm 68. Like any marriage there were fights but here we are
Statistics are useful if they are understood and put in context. It would be silly to walk away from a wonderful relationship because of statistics; but to actively seek a relationship, some relationship, at a time when the odds are stacked against it succeeding, is improvident to say the least.
There are many factors that influence the divorce rate. Wealthier people divorce less than poorer ones. Great inequality in social and economic standing between the spouses increases the likelihood of divorce as well. Ditto for age gaps. People with college educations have lower divorce rates than people with just high school diplomas.
But the most powerful factor in the divorce is age. Although I was only able to find the numbers for women, the statistics are telling. Women who marry below the age of 18 have a 48% statistical chance of divorcing or separating within 10 years; that number drops precipitously, to 29% for women who marry between the ages of 20 and 24. The rate of divorce for women who marry at age 25 or older is just 20%. And of course, if 48% of teenage girls who marry divorce within a decade, that means 52% of them remain married. The fact that you, Boompa, got married at 18 and didn't get divorced doesn't disprove the general trend.
The fact that the divorce rates are so high for very young people is not surprising when you realize that all the other factors that tend to increase the likelihood of a divorce are present: people in their teens and early twenties usually do not have assets or a steady income to support themselves, let alone any children they might have -- in other words, they are poor; regardless of their plan, they lack college education or (usually) vocational training; their lives are in a flux, socially, economically and politically, where both their plans and expectations, as well as their outlook, are changing rapidly. Poverty, check. No education beyond high school, check. Lack of social stability, check.
Well, OP, if I were you, I would examine the reasons why you want to marry so young, and evaluate soberly whether your expectations are realistic. It may be cool to still be under 40 when your kids reach majority and fly the coop, but if that's the only reason, is it enough? Do you believe that if you marry young, your marriage will automatically be stronger? Evidence indicates otherwise. Getting married and especially having children will severely limit your flexibility with regard to economic and educational opportunities. If you build some sort of a foundation and reach a degree of stability, flexibility may no longer be that important, but building that foundation takes time.
I think the couple the OP has referred to is very unusual. It has been my experience that the younger a couple marries, the higher the likelihood of divorce.
Look at it this way. In the five years after you leave school for good, you'll change more in tastes, expectations, philosophy, friends, etc. etc., than you will for the rest of your life. If you marry young, what happens if your SO doesn't grow in the same direction as you do?
Nope. 27-28 is the ideal age to get married. Old enough to know who you are, young enough to enjoy life without rushing to pop out a couple of kids.
I was married at 22 and will celebrate my 15th anniversary in December. For some people, that's a lot. For others, I have barely gotten started. I used to think that if I could do it, anybody could do it, but more and more I am recognizing that some of it was just luck, including the family I happened to be born into. I am the oldest of my generation by several years, and I grew up among people who married young and almost never divorced. At 22, I was one of the oldest to marry; most of them married in their late teens. So it was perfectly normal for me to marry when I did. In other families, 22 is practically a child bride.
We have gone through many things together, including unemployment, being the victims of crime, functional poverty, having a disabled child, two interstate moves, the deaths of grandparents, etc. Like I said, for some people, that's a lot. For others, we have barely gotten started. Realizing that has opened my eyes to the reality that "If I can do it, anybody can do it" was an illusion. I can't claim to have done it, i.e., had a successful marriage when theoretically I could be only 25% into it.
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