Vanna and Chuckle's Story (date, marriage, women, attracted)

[optiflex]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

You must've gotten this from another thread I haven't read because it's not here... Now this I can understand (I have similar problems myself) and it does explain the situation.

I have never led you on and deeply resent this! You knew the deal! What I did, I did for Queen and country madame!

[MattB4]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

You must've gotten this from another thread I haven't read because it's not here... Now this I can understand (I have similar problems myself) and it does explain the situation.

Yes, if you click on the little blue box arrow (next to posters name) in the quoted text, it is a link to the Topic a post originated from.

[virgode]

Originally Posted by Vanna10

Now he's been nicer. Sweeter, a little more loving, and he says things like he's trying to learn. He's trying to improve. But I'm bitter about the past year and also about the ad on AFF. And I still see the old cold, distant Chuckles a lot of the time.

The bottom line is, I'm not getting what I need. And I may never get it from him. So I should leave, right? After everything we've been through? And our house is almost ready, and our future is waiting for us. The future I always wanted with him, and only him.

He's been the only one for me for almost a decade.

,
Any serious, well-intentioned suggestions would be welcome.

Of course your not getting what you need, the entire relationship has been on his terms from the beginning with the exception of the time you lived apart. And you're willing to over look Adult friend finder.

Hope this new, nicer, sweeter him lasts. I'll make a prediction, now that you've finished helping Chuckles complete his renovations, the old cold distant Chuckles will return. His future is waiting for him, the future you envision will never exist.

[Tropical Trouble]

Originally Posted by Vanna10

Well, except that I found he put an ad on adult friend finder in July. After a year of being distant from me, and having nothing for me, he was trolling for skanks.

.

And you want to know if you should work it out

[Vanna10]

Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble

And you want to know if you should work it out

I know. To some degree, it seems that simple. But I've been trying to forgive and move on because he said the following things about the ad on adult friend finder:

1) He didn't pay, so therefore he couldn't communicate with anyone. He just looked at videos and webcams.

2) He did it because I threatened to move out. I brought home boxes and ceremoniously left them where he could see them, hoping it would spark a reaction. Boy did I get one.

3) He lied magnificently about it at first.. then came clean. He then deleted the ad and closed his "account", which was a two-sentence profile. He didn't fill out anything else or send any messages, and he had no responses. He insisted that he didn't meet anyone or cross any other lines. It was just "to look".

4) He said he did it because he got "mad" about the boxes. Apparently the worst thing you can do to Chuckles is threaten to leave. He takes it as the highest insult apparently. Go figure. I still don't quite understand that one. But maybe it's a guy thing.


I mean, if you want to comment about all this go ahead. I had to base my decision on all things surrounding the event, not just get on a high horse and judge on the event itself. I thought that was the mature thing to do. Or am I stupid. Ugh, don't tell me..

[virgode]

Originally Posted by Vanna10

I mean, if you want to comment about all this go ahead. I had to base my decision on all things surrounding the event, not just get on a high horse and judge on the event itself. I thought that was the mature thing to do. Or am I stupid. Ugh, don't tell me..

Smoothing this over calling denial.. maturity? Whats the real reason you're still there?

[paganmama80]

Actually i think perhaps maybe you should seek some help because it's not normal to keep going back to this guy for so many years when it's obvious he is a douchebag.

[paganmama80]

And dump the loser will you .

[Vanna10]

Originally Posted by paganmama80

Actually i think perhaps maybe you should seek some help because it's not normal to keep going back to this guy for so many years when it's obvious he is a douchebag.

Wow, talk about right between the eyes. Its appreciated though. Maybe I do need therapy to heal myself, not him or "us".

My worry is, if I leave him, I'd just end up with some other douchebag with some other set of problems. I've never had a smooth-sailing, cozy relationship. The next guy will be a workaholic, or verbally abusive, or still hung up on his ex, I mean why trade one set of problems for another? I don't think there really is a happy ending. Just a level of tolerance.

[paganmama80]

Originally Posted by Vanna10

Wow, talk about right between the eyes. Its appreciated though. Maybe I do need therapy to heal myself, not him or "us".

My worry is, if I leave him, I'd just end up with some other douchebag with some other set of problems. I've never had a smooth-sailing, cozy relationship. The next guy will be a workaholic, or verbally abusive, or still hung up on his ex, I mean why trade one set of problems for another? I don't think there really is a happy ending. Just a level of tolerance.

No thats not true at all vanna...if you just accept the fact there is no happiness you will get just that. Leave the guy and stay single for a bit until you can work with someone on why you pick guys like this. You deserve happiness in life....and this is the only one you get so just don't settle.