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Old 10-29-2010, 04:06 PM
 
393 posts, read 375,500 times
Reputation: 1285

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My take on this is:

Your stereotypical post 50's man and woman live in completely different worlds. From my own experiences and other anecdotal evidence I get from boards like this is that older women have more of their social/emotional needs met than older men.

Take a widowed or divorced 55 year old woman. Such women often pick up and move to be closer to family members such as brothers, sister, kids, grandkids, etc. While married, they often retain closer ties to family and see them often over the years. A suddenly single older man is often reluctant to give up his long-term home area and may not be as close anymore to his own family. If he loses his wife, there's no family nearby for support.

Again, from my own experiences, these older gals have SO many social networks. it seems like they all have: Work friends, crafting friends, girls night out friends, church friends, business friends, cry on your shoulder friends. They seem to have friends for every single need they have.

On the other hand, many older guys may have 1 or 2 friends if they're lucky. They may be activity buddies though, the kinds of guys they may go fishing with or to a ballgame but not someone with whom they can share life's inevitable ups and downs. Most married men rely too heavily on their wives as their social support network. When she's gone, there's no one to fill the bill.

I think the "man looking for a housekeeper" theory is way exaggerated. Most men settle into a housekeeping niche where they can take care of themselves just fine. Their houses may not be immaculate but they're comfortable enough in their surroundings. These men want COMPANIONSHIP, not a housekeeper. As stated above, most women have more companionship than they can handle so they're more reluctant to marry for that reason.

Once both sexes are well into their 50's, sex becomes less and less important for both. They may still desire some sex life but it's not as important as when they were younger. Menopause kills some womens's sex drive completely and they may not even miss it. These women may find the idea of marriage=sex distasteful and are content with their women friends. I've also known many older women to get pets and they dote on them completely, yet another outlet for their emotions.

My advice for older men is to keep active, reestablish ties with family and most importantly, get a pet! Believe me, a good ol' pound dog will be a faithful, loving companion who will give you all the unqualified love you can handle.
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Old 10-29-2010, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA
5,412 posts, read 1,350,395 times
Reputation: 916
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran View Post
My take on this is:

Your stereotypical post 50's man and woman live in completely different worlds. From my own experiences and other anecdotal evidence I get from boards like this is that older women have more of their social/emotional needs met than older men.

Take a widowed or divorced 55 year old woman. Such women often pick up and move to be closer to family members such as brothers, sister, kids, grandkids, etc. While married, they often retain closer ties to family and see them often over the years. A suddenly single older man is often reluctant to give up his long-term home area and may not be as close anymore to his own family. If he loses his wife, there's no family nearby for support.

Again, from my own experiences, these older gals have SO many social networks. it seems like they all have: Work friends, crafting friends, girls night out friends, church friends, business friends, cry on your shoulder friends. They seem to have friends for every single need they have.

On the other hand, many older guys may have 1 or 2 friends if they're lucky. They may be activity buddies though, the kinds of guys they may go fishing with or to a ballgame but not someone with whom they can share life's inevitable ups and downs. Most married men rely too heavily on their wives as their social support network. When she's gone, there's no one to fill the bill.

I think the "man looking for a housekeeper" theory is way exaggerated. Most men settle into a housekeeping niche where they can take care of themselves just fine. Their houses may not be immaculate but they're comfortable enough in their surroundings. These men want COMPANIONSHIP, not a housekeeper. As stated above, most women have more companionship than they can handle so they're more reluctant to marry for that reason.

Once both sexes are well into their 50's, sex becomes less and less important for both. They may still desire some sex life but it's not as important as when they were younger. Menopause kills some womens's sex drive completely and they may not even miss it. These women may find the idea of marriage=sex distasteful and are content with their women friends. I've also known many older women to get pets and they dote on them completely, yet another outlet for their emotions.

My advice for older men is to keep active, reestablish ties with family and most importantly, get a pet! Believe me, a good ol' pound dog will be a faithful, loving companion who will give you all the unqualified love you can handle.

I just about every marriage I know, the guy loses all of his prior friends, as his wife will only let him hang out with her and her friends. SO when they get divorced, he doesn't really have any friends because he's not going to be hanging with his wife's friends after they get divorced...
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Old 10-29-2010, 04:58 PM
 
1,325 posts, read 1,190,744 times
Reputation: 952
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Nearly every study ever done on the subject shows that a man's "quality of life" (which is largely defined financially/economically) rises following a divorce while the woman's declines (anyone is free to Google like mad; the info is there).
Not so fast. The research that supports that position is often built on a key study from Weitzman back in 1985 which has since been found flawed, thus negating the subsequent studies citing it's numbers. A lot of independent research on the subject over the last 15 years has shown that both spouses suffer a drop in standard of living.


GlennSacks.com » Blog Archive
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Old 10-29-2010, 05:15 PM
 
2,997 posts, read 2,808,062 times
Reputation: 1716
Quote:
Originally Posted by bustaduke View Post
I know a lot of elderly people who won't remarry because they will loose retirement benefits.

The way I look at it, if a retired man is getting $1200 and a retired woman is getting $1200 a month why should that be cut in half if they get married?

After all either they are the former spouse paid into the system and it is there money. I would think it would be better to let them collect from both and live a better life.

I see to many older people barely getting by and to punish them because they get married is just wrong.

We as a country should demand that our elderly are better taken care of.

On a side note. If you have elderly family members, please visit them often. I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart when I visit my grandmother in her home and I also visit her friends and all of them tell me that no one goes to see them.

I can understand if they don't have family, but most do and they live close by yet never take the time to visit them.

I find some of the memories they tell me just awesome, and the things we can all learn from them will be lost when they are gone.

busta
Boy..i totally agree with everything you said here.
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Old 10-29-2010, 05:35 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
21,276 posts, read 19,330,844 times
Reputation: 29913
Quote:
Originally Posted by bustaduke View Post
I know a lot of elderly people who won't remarry because they will loose retirement benefits.

The way I look at it, if a retired man is getting $1200 and a retired woman is getting $1200 a month why should that be cut in half if they get married?

After all either they are the former spouse paid into the system and it is there money. I would think it would be better to let them collect from both and live a better life.

I see to many older people barely getting by and to punish them because they get married is just wrong.

We as a country should demand that our elderly are better taken care of.

On a side note. If you have elderly family members, please visit them often. I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart when I visit my grandmother in her home and I also visit her friends and all of them tell me that no one goes to see them.

I can understand if they don't have family, but most do and they live close by yet never take the time to visit them.

I find some of the memories they tell me just awesome, and the things we can all learn from them will be lost when they are gone.

busta
I agree. My great-grandmother had a beau for about 10 years after her husband died. They didn't marry because their SS benefits would have gone down.
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Old 10-29-2010, 05:40 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
12,543 posts, read 12,837,451 times
Reputation: 8400
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I agree. My great-grandmother had a beau for about 10 years after her husband died. They didn't marry because their SS benefits would have gone down.
This makes very good sense to me. Very practical.
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Old 10-29-2010, 09:41 PM
 
Location: East Coast
2,403 posts, read 2,332,088 times
Reputation: 3059
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I agree. My great-grandmother had a beau for about 10 years after her husband died. They didn't marry because their SS benefits would have gone down.
That's been changed. If you remarry after you turn 60, you won't lose the benefits based on your former/deceased spouse's work history.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:14 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
21,276 posts, read 19,330,844 times
Reputation: 29913
Good to know, thanks!
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Old 10-30-2010, 08:56 AM
 
27,925 posts, read 22,141,526 times
Reputation: 25660
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I'm under the same impression. They'd like to have somebody take care of them while women are sick and tired of taking care of somebody. Since sex is about to play less and less important role in the future, all that's left is friggin' work for no reason... Well, everything is (usually) financially easier for two, but sometimes the inconvenience may outweigh even this consideration.
After my grandfather died, my grandmother had a man in her church who wanted to date her but she kept turning him down. She said, "I took care of my husband for those years when he was dying of cancer, and I still have to take care of my daughter (my aunt was disabled mentally and physically). Why would I want to take care of some old man?"
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Old 10-31-2010, 02:11 PM
 
Location: NW Penna.
1,578 posts, read 1,492,357 times
Reputation: 1491
Quote:
Originally Posted by betamanlet View Post
I'm guessing since they lost half of their stuff, at least one time, they probably don't want to lose half of what's left of their stuff.

Well, then the jackazzes should have married:
1. a wage earner who earned equal or better, instead of a housewife or a dependent. If you have two equal earners, then a 50/50 split doesn't shortchange anyone.
2. with a prenuptual agreement that clearly lists what's his, what's hers, that it was his (or hers)prior to the marriage, and that it remains his (or hers).


Btw, that sort of legal agreement is also recommended for anyone co-habiting as a couple, or even for people who are room mates.
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