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I think it's your vibe. Looking at your pic, you have that icy look on your face that says to me (as a guy) "Get away from me, I don't want to be bothered!" It's that serious demeanor that makes guys not want to approach you. Why bother when they know they will probably get rejected just by looking at you.
So, smile and be friendly with guys. A lot of guys are shy, too, so you might want to initiate the small talk (which majority of the guys will interpret as flirting).
A few things. If you appear desperate, a man will not be attracted to you. Even though I'm not saying you ARE desperate, the fact that you worry so much about what is wrong with you will come out of every pore on you and it will be quite obvious that there are self image / self esteem issues. Guys are smarter than they appear (LOL), they do notice these things.
When you see men being attracted to other women OVER you, look at that other woman. Look at how she carries herself, how she appears, etc. Maybe you can start to see a difference in how you are projecting yourself vs other girls.
Also, just be yourself, don't worry so much about why men are passing you up. You're a good looking girl but by your own admittance, you are socially inept and that's a huge obstacle that you need to overcome in order to put yourself out there for men to notice. Men don't like the wallflower. They want a woman that walks into a room and commands attention, someone who is confident in themselves but not INTO themselves. They like women who just like to have fun with no drama, no BS and girls who seem like they could handle any situation that comes along. IN other words, a girl they can take around with them everywhere and if you're socially inept, you're not going to be able to do that.
Take baby steps, look in the mirror each day and find something that you like about yourself, know yourself, pay attention to what's going on and how you feel when you see a man, do you shrivel up and hide yourself away? You have to be okay with yourself before someone else is okay with you.
Here is another piece of advice, DON'T SLEEP WITH A GUY FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS.
let them prove they really like YOU, and not just using you for sex.
You may feel pressure if a guy likes you to sleep with him to 'seal the deal' but don't be tempted
if someone REALLY REALLY cares for you, they will wait till YOU are ready
Jonathan
Thats not true. I am willing to put up a women for more than six months because after that. Theoretically she will start showing her true side. However, if she makes me wait six months for sex I am moving on.
so i a 23 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend. granted, i feel a lot of it has to do with my social ineptness during my childhood, something i'm still struggling with, but when i find girls a lot less smarter, prettier, interesting than me find wonderful boyfriends, i get really upset. what is wrong with me? what am i missing? WHY doesn't any guy apparently want to be with me?!
what do you think i am doing wrong? i just don't have any guy friends- period. so its not like i can just hang with them and meet other guys. i think the first thing i have to do is find a way to simply make friends. and go from there?
i just can't help but feel like there is something wrong with me that i can't get a guy to show interest in me. it hurts so so much. when i see others in happy relationships it makes me feel all the more worse that i'm almost done with the prime of my youth and still havent found someone to love me yet.
what do you all suggest i do?
please help me out!
Well, it's hard to tell since a photo does not tell anything about your demeanor. You are attractive, so your looks are not the problem. I would imagine that you would have no problem getting attention from men in social situations if you present yourself as approachable.
It may be that you do not socialize or are a loner. Do you go places where you can meet people? Go to parties or out with friends? I think you may just need to go out socializing more. Men will rarely approach you doing day-to-day things. Sure people will tell you to go hang out at coffee shops or bookstores, but I never hear were couples have actually meant that way. Most people meet through social networking or perhaps a bar.
I have moved a couple times after college to cities were I have known zero people, so I know the frustrations. I know it's tough to establish friends in a new city, much less find dates. Maybe you should check out Meetup.com or something. I never have, but know people who did.
Oh, and you are 23 not 43, so lose the negative attitude about getting out of your prime stuff. If you go to a major city that attracts young transplants you will be surrounded by single people in the 20's and into their 30s. Maybe you live in an area where it's tough to socialize, but that can be changed. You may not hit your prime until you are 30, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by macgeek
Here is another piece of advice, DON'T SLEEP WITH A GUY FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS.
let them prove they really like YOU, and not just using you for sex.
You may feel pressure if a guy likes you to sleep with him to 'seal the deal' but don't be tempted
if someone REALLY REALLY cares for you, they will wait till YOU are ready
This is bad advice. No guy is going to wait that long. You do not want to use sex as a tool to get a guy to like you, but this is crazy. A month is probably my absolute limit, otherwise I would assume that I was in her "friend zone" or that she is sleeping with another guy and just using me for attention.
You gotta build social skills. Romantic relationships stress what social skills you have. If you can't hold friendships, then you wouldnt be able to hold a romantic relationship too well.
I think you should work on being more friendly and making friends and having fun for now. Don't worry about what other people are doing, just enjoy your own life first.
I am a twenty-four year old recent college grad trying to build a new life in northern va/d.c area. i'm having a reallly tough time making new friends and meeting people. Everyone has suggested that I get involved in the community through volunteering and other activities. Thing is, I'm not sure where to start...do you guys have any suggestions for some great organizations that tend to attract a good pool of people and give ample opportunity to socialize and mingle? Organizations and activities that attract smart young guys specifically lol.
Location: Standing outside of heaven, wating for God to come and get me.
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Within the next 12 hours, this topic will be swarmed with guys swearing up and down that you should have no problem meeting guys cause the DMV is one big sausage fest with no eligible women.
I am a twenty-four year old recent college grad trying to build a new life in northern va/d.c area. i'm having a reallly tough time making new friends and meeting people. Everyone has suggested that I get involved in the community through volunteering and other activities. Thing is, I'm not sure where to start...do you guys have any suggestions for some great organizations that tend to attract a good pool of people and give ample opportunity to socialize and mingle? Organizations and activities that attract smart young guys specifically lol.
I found DC one of the easiest places to meet people as a young professional, yet one of the hardest to make friends/acquaintances/dates as a young professional. DC is a very bar/club oriented city because it attracts fresh out of college YPs who are in that period between going out 4-5 nights a week with no responsibilities and now having a job (usually in gov't----meaning the ego that goes with saying they know such and such Congressman/Senator/Secretary of Dept.).
Virginia has more "real" people in the sense they aren't as pretentious and tend to be slightly older (late 20s early 30s), specifically Arlington and Alexandria. Political activities in DC tend not to be for actual determination for the social/political cause, but more for the fun aspect and networking (to say they met so and so and ask for better jobs). Use this to your advantage and make plans to go out to dinner, lunch, etc.
Find your college alumni network in DC. Most colleges have at least a small one in DC. Meetup.com is pretty good. Also go out for happy hour with people from work. A lot of people in DC tend to meet friends from work (common interest).
Also do Match.com, Jdate, or another dating site that you like. Plenty of people move to DC not knowing many friends, acquaintances, etc.
DC is a sausagefest. U'll be fine. Think about it. U have very little competition. You don't have super models, dancers and actresses trying to live here. Dudes here are generally desperate.
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best ways to meet great 20-something guys in d.c?
