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10-30-2010, 09:09 PM
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Location: Las Vegas, NV
312 posts, read 361,774 times
Reputation: 238
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How do you break up without being the "bad guy"?
Assuming that you haven't been cheated on or lied to or stolen from, how do you break up with someone and hurt their feelings without being a jerk? I recently cancelled plans to work on a relationship with an ex because I met someone new that I wanted to pursue. He was very angry. I told him that I hoped someday he didn't hate me anymore and he replied, "THAT'S not gonna happen!" Two months later, the new guy broke up with me after we had moved in together because he said something just seemed "off". He was very respectful and accommodating through the move out process but I can't help but think he's a jerk and my friends think worse of him than I do. (I know, I know..we moved in too soon.)
A friend of mine ended her relationship to rekindle her college romance with the man that is now her husband. She didn't tell her boyfriend that she was getting back together with her ex and when he found out, he was upset and told her to never call him again. I feel that even if she had been honest to begin with, he would have had the same reaction.
I had another ex years ago that after dating for four months, I decided that we were not compatible so I ended it. He was upset and acted like I was the worst person in the world for that also.
Many people have told me in my other thread that I was wrong for the way I treated my ex that I ended it with for the new guy and that I'm basically getting a taste of my own medicine now that the new guy has ended our relationship. I think that it is unreasonable to stay with someone that you no longer want to be with (even with me getting dumped, I'm sad and angry but I'm glad we're not together when that is not what he wants) so how can you end a relationship and cause someone pain without being a bad person?
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10-30-2010, 09:16 PM
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Location: College Park, MD
9,291 posts, read 4,964,468 times
Reputation: 5850
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It's kinda like telling someone they have cancer, there's no way to do it without feeling like a bad person. That said, there's a difference between saying "I'm sorry, but you have cancer." and "Yeah, you've got cancer, sucks to be you." For example, your friend who decided to get back together with her ex without telling her current boyfriend about it is the latter.
edit: Why do you want to end a relationship AND cause pain? If you're trying to cause pain then yeah you're a bad or even terrible person (unless the person deserves it).
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10-30-2010, 09:17 PM
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Location: Tucson
42,866 posts, read 42,492,279 times
Reputation: 22341
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10-30-2010, 10:23 PM
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Location: International Spacestation
5,209 posts, read 2,578,324 times
Reputation: 1415
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tag08
Assuming that you haven't been cheated on or lied to or stolen from, how do you break up with someone and hurt their feelings without being a jerk? I recently cancelled plans to work on a relationship with an ex because I met someone new that I wanted to pursue. He was very angry. I told him that I hoped someday he didn't hate me anymore and he replied, "THAT'S not gonna happen!" Two months later, the new guy broke up with me after we had moved in together because he said something just seemed "off". He was very respectful and accommodating through the move out process but I can't help but think he's a jerk and my friends think worse of him than I do. (I know, I know..we moved in too soon.)
A friend of mine ended her relationship to rekindle her college romance with the man that is now her husband. She didn't tell her boyfriend that she was getting back together with her ex and when he found out, he was upset and told her to never call him again. I feel that even if she had been honest to begin with, he would have had the same reaction.
I had another ex years ago that after dating for four months, I decided that we were not compatible so I ended it. He was upset and acted like I was the worst person in the world for that also.
Many people have told me in my other thread that I was wrong for the way I treated my ex that I ended it with for the new guy and that I'm basically getting a taste of my own medicine now that the new guy has ended our relationship. I think that it is unreasonable to stay with someone that you no longer want to be with (even with me getting dumped, I'm sad and angry but I'm glad we're not together when that is not what he wants) so how can you end a relationship and cause someone pain without being a bad person?
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Are you kidding me? Dude you are a bad person, just accept it and join the club. You are not a good person. You are the bad guy. You jump ship and expect the guy to eventually be cool with you?? You are nuts! Once another man is getting the vagina you can forget about ever been cool. Guys dont do that. What kind of brain are you thinking with? Once you give the goods to another man, everything changes I mean EVERYTHING...your status, the future, your value. It all changes. If someone never wants to be cool with you in life why get mad? Thats why its better to get to know someone before you enter a sexual relationship with them.
Bottom line YOU ARE the Bad Guy.
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10-30-2010, 10:47 PM
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43 posts, read 21,740 times
Reputation: 58
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Your relationships end.....
because you are a bad guy....
wish you weren't....
but I am afraid, it's the truth
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10-30-2010, 11:23 PM
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Location: Las Vegas, NV
312 posts, read 361,774 times
Reputation: 238
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC
It's kinda like telling someone they have cancer, there's no way to do it without feeling like a bad person. That said, there's a difference between saying "I'm sorry, but you have cancer." and "Yeah, you've got cancer, sucks to be you." For example, your friend who decided to get back together with her ex without telling her current boyfriend about it is the latter.
edit: Why do you want to end a relationship AND cause pain? If you're trying to cause pain then yeah you're a bad or even terrible person (unless the person deserves it).
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That's not how I meant it. I don't mean that you would want to cause pain, just that it usually just naturally happens when one person ends the relationship and the other person doesn't want it to end.
And to FlyMetro: I have no desire to try to go back to the first guy. If anything positive came out of the relationship with the new guy, it's that I was able to see what I should expect out of a man and relationship and the ex wasn't cutting it anyways. Maybe if he had been, I wouldn't have been interested in someone else.
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10-31-2010, 12:54 AM
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8,684 posts, read 5,039,638 times
Reputation: 14635
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Oh, come on. When you break up with someone who cares about you, you are HURTING that person.
Does that make you a bad person? No. But again, you are HURTING the person. It may be necessary--there is no point in being with someone with whom you feel things will not work out--but there is no getting around the fact that you are HURTING the person.
Jaysus. What do you expect? That people should just fall at your feet, lick your boots, and kiss your arse because you condescended to grace them with your miraculous presence in the earthly realm at all? That they should simply thank their lucky stars for having known such magnificence, and then smile, hug you, and step away from you without being so utterly rude as to turn and present their backs to your benevolent gaze?
Sorry, when you hurt someone, he reserves the right to be disappointed, upset, and angry.
Get over it.
Last edited by Yzette; 10-31-2010 at 01:04 AM..
Reason: After all, we ARE the queen!
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10-31-2010, 01:06 AM
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15,283 posts, read 8,806,406 times
Reputation: 11520
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Sometimes you have no other option than to suck it up and be the bad person. Or you'll be the bad guy in the former lovers eyes.
That is something my counselor mentioned to me when I was going through my divorce.
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10-31-2010, 01:39 AM
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Location: Oregon
3,422 posts, read 1,763,313 times
Reputation: 4400
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You always have to look in the mirror in the morning and like yourself, when you can't do that, and smile back with satisfaction, you have a problem. I would say you have a problem. You are a problem. I said once what goes around, comes around. I say it again and hope you can understand what I'm saying. What I was trying to say is you deserve what happened to you. I think the circumstances make a big difference in how you are viewed by the dumpee. When you break up for a sleaky reason like you did, you are going look bad from now on. There are few nice ways to break up.
Last edited by Nite Ryder; 10-31-2010 at 01:49 AM..
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10-31-2010, 03:33 AM
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Location: Sunny Florida
5,861 posts, read 4,863,068 times
Reputation: 5926
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When you blindside someone, they are going to be hurt, and you are going to be the bad guy. That's the reality of the situation.
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