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Getting back to your original question, yes I do think you're overreacting. It happened over 20 years ago ...
Repeat. You've known him for donkey's years but since he recently divulged this youthful indiscretion your reaction is that "every time I have seen him even LOOK at a teenage girl I shudder."
Well, if it bothers you so much and his looking at online porn involving younger women offends you then cut the friendship.
Both men and women curiously look into internet sites devoted to fantasy but that doesn't mean that your friend or anyone else who does so is a pedophile.
Before the internet, both men and women enjoyed such publications as Penthouse and Playboy, both of whom portrayed well-brushed nude images of both females and, occasionally, males.
20 years ago and you're now shuddering? Oh please!
20 years ago and you're now shuddering? Oh please!
Oh please, yourself!
If you found out one of your oldest and best friends did something that you wouldn’t like you’d shudder too. The fact that it took this long to find out is even harder. I had a picture of this person and it's now become distorted.
After all these pages you're still convinced he's some sort of predator? He's not a pedophile because he's attracted to teenage girls - he's really not even "different" than most any other man. Are you sure your expectations of him (and maybe even others) is realistic? I don't like many things friends have done over the years, it's cost me friendships only a few times. I can't think of one, however, where their "feelings" alone caused me to stop being friends.
Have you never felt like hurting someone? Being attracted to a young girl no more makes you dangerous than feeling like you want to kill/hurt/injure someone. It's our actions that define us, not our thoughts.
He has a lot of teenage porn. Although they are 18-19, it still creeps me out after this confession, I know it shouldn't beause they are perfectly legal, but it does… I had always known he had porn (we have known each other since forever and don’t really have any secrets) but didn’t realise just how much of it was teenage until recently.
Yes, you should be creeped out. Why have someone like this for a friend? You are known by the company you keep.
Having sex with a child makes you a pedophile by definition.
Perhaps your definition. You're wrong otherwise, and your definition won;t matter to the other few Billion when you try to communicate with us.
Pedophile: an adult who is sexually attracted to young children.
That's it. Nothing about actually having sex, it's only a condition wherein one has the attraction.
You're confusing pedophile with molester. Not the same thing. Plenty of molesters in prison are not pedophiles, and there are no doubt Millions of pedophiles throughout the world who have never molested a child.
And if continue stating having sex with children doesn't make you a pedophile then you're just sick and disgusting.
Yes, that's a completely rational response. How very productive of you.
Wow, justifying pedophilia under the guise of 'oh it isn't actually molesting them, it's just being sexually attracted'?
It's our actions that define us, not our thoughts.
I completely agree, and the fact that he acted on his attraction to the 13 year old AND confessed he wouldn't say no to a hot 17 year old now either, makes it harder for me to swallow. I am sure if that 17 year old confessed she was 15, even at his age, he'd still go through with it.
If you found out one of your oldest and best friends did something that you wouldn’t like you’d shudder too. The fact that it took this long to find out is even harder. I had a picture of this person and it's now become distorted.
So far from the truth. You're shuddering about something that happened over 20 years ago. AArgh!
With all due respect, your friend is better off without you. Life is all about living and what you did at at 13 or 17 or 28 or 45 or 50 is all a big juggle in the long run. End the friendship if the "shudder" is so extreme. That simple. And, with all due respect, please don't assume that, "If you found out one of your oldest and best friends did something that you wouldn’t like you’d shudder too."
Over many years I've been privy to confidential info from both friends and acquaintances which could make one's hair curl. What that person is today is real.
Over many years I've been privy to confidential info from both friends and acquaintances which could make one's hair curl. What that person is today is real.
I actually agree with you there. I have done things in my past that I am not proud of, and I would feel terrible if I was judged on them now, but I can’t help but feel a little shocked that he had sex with… well what I have always considered to be the age of a child.
If you found out one of your oldest and best friends did something that you wouldn’t like you’d shudder too. The fact that it took this long to find out is even harder. I had a picture of this person and it's now become distorted.
Tell me something: Have you ever made a mistake? You ever done ANYTHING you look back on now and say to yourself "Wow, that was really stupid of me, I wish I hadn't done that"...? You have even a single regret in your life, anywhere?
You're acting as though this act in the past, when the guy was still a kid himself, has defined him forever -- and yet given something which took a LOT more thought and definitive action (Let's all say it: You GO, girl!) you adamantly defended against the notion that someone's college-age act defined them or should have any lasting repercussions in how they were viewed down the line in their life.
Looks to me like you're really nowhere near the friend to this guy you claim, if THIS has got you all bent out of shape.
I am sure if that 17 year old confessed she was 15, even at his age, he'd still go through with it.
Really? You're SURE?
Even if he did it would make him stupid, but "different" only in the realm that he was that stupid.
Being attracted to a healthy, developed female of 15 does not make one a pedophile, nor is it particularly unusual for men. We don't turn 35 and one day old women start looking any hotter than they did when we were 25. Actually, it seems the older men get, the younger their eyes become. You think Britney Spears was popular by a fluke? Or that the Olsen Twins became Billionaires because those movies were only sold and rented to moms who bought them for their daughters?
This really sounds like your hangup, not his.
Last edited by poptones; 11-01-2010 at 07:17 PM..
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