Who should do the "chasing" the guy or the girl? (date, women)
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Yes I do realize we are living in the 21st century, but called me old fashioned but I think the guy should be the one doing more of the chasing.
Whenever I ask my guy friends who should do the chasing I get mixed answers. Some of them say that they prefer if the girl would do more of the persuading/pursing in a relationship. But then my other guy friends say that they find it to be a turn off if a girl is more of the aggressor in the relationship.
In my opinion I think a relationship where the guy ends up liking the girl more lasts longer versus a relationship where the girl is the one who is more head-over-heels over the guy.
I don't think any real guy is going to be turned off by the right girl pursuing him, haha, you mean a guy is going to be annoyed at a super hot chick pursuing him? No, more like he's going to pinch himself and do a few other tests to make sure he's not dreaming / dead and in heaven, lol.
I agree with you, and I think most girls would agree with you, but it needs to be some give and take and also I hate the idea of "chasing." I don't chase a girl. I'm the catch, frankly, so we should end that right here. I don't need to "chase" a girl, when there are tons of hot girls in this city, they come in every day trying to pursue careers in modeling and acting. There are very few smart, young, successful, well off guys in the city, so the idea of chasing her is kind of laughable. Call it pride, or whatever, but I don't "chase."
Now, ask her out first, express initial interest, make the effort at first? Sure, yes, that's fine and acceptable. I am totally ok with letting a girl know I'm interested in her, and then asking her out in some way like would you like to grab dinner sometime? It'd be fun to take you to a screening at the DGA, would you be up for that? Want to take a ride in the car? Haha, whatever it is. And then I'll continue to express interest if things went well, but what I don't want to have happen is that there is absolutely zero effort by the girl. I mean where I text first every time, even if I'm only texting you every few days, it seems like if I DIDN'T text you, you would NEVER text me, ever, the rest of the days I live, haha. That's not acceptable.
A girl doesn't need to express initial interest, a hot girl gets hit on every day many times, we get it, you can wait for guys you like to pursue you or approach you. But for god's sake, once he does, and if you actually like him, take the hint and don't make it a game! At that point I expect it to even out more, and I don't mean that I expect her to ask me out for a second date, but don't make me do all of the contacting and set up everything and get the feeling like basically you're not that interested. When I get that impression, I'm no stalker, there are lots of girls out there, I lose interest FAST. If I even get the slight impression that she may not be that interested, or isn't putting any work into making contact with me / keeping in touch, then I absolutely lose all interest and feel no desire to ask her out again. So a girl needs to understand that, because when I talked to all of my guy friends? They say the same thing. We just move on, no biggie, next girl.
In my opinion I think a relationship where the guy ends up liking the girl more lasts longer versus a relationship where the girl is the one who is more head-over-heels over the guy.
I think you should go after what you want whether you're a male or a female. Life is too short to play games. I find it extremely attractive when a woman is assertive in going after a man she likes. I think playing a little hard to get is fine.....but some women can take it too far to the point where it becomes a silly game and they appear closed off or uninterested. Guys do it too. I mean I've met some women that wondered why I didn't call them. Well I figured they didn't want to be called right away. And they figured I wasn't interested. So we went weeks without calling each other. LMAO! When the entire time we couldn't wait to talk to each other. stupid stuff like that.
I think you should go after what you want whether you're a male or a female. Life is too short to play games. I find it extremely attractive when a woman is assertive in going after a man she likes. I think playing a little hard to get is fine.....but some women can take it too far to the point where it becomes a silly game and they appear closed off or uninterested. Guys do it too. I mean I've met some women that wondered why I didn't call them. Well I figured they didn't want to be called right away. And they figured I wasn't interested. So we went weeks without calling each other. LMAO! When the entire time we couldn't wait to talk to each other. stupid stuff like that.
That's what bothers me. I mean, I'm sure over my days, one of the girls I took out and thought I had chemistry with, and thought things went well, actually did like me and thought the same, but she played so hard to get that it went nowhere. That's what I'm saying, it's not attractive to me, and no it doesn't make me want you more at all, actually.
Maybe I'm different than most guys, but you know what? My career is probably the toughest to make it in the entire world, besides being an astronaut I guess, there are fewer of us than doctors by probably 500 times, and so it's quite enough stress, anxiety, and rejection per year. Do I really want another challenge in my personal life? No, I don't. I have enough challenges and stress from my work, so if she wants to play games and play hard to get, I'm out, just no time for that crap at all. Go play games with immature guys, I don't have the energy.
Yes I do realize we are living in the 21st century, but called me old fashioned but I think the guy should be the one doing more of the chasing.
Whenever I ask my guy friends who should do the chasing I get mixed answers. Some of them say that they prefer if the girl would do more of the persuading/pursing in a relationship. But then my other guy friends say that they find it to be a turn off if a girl is more of the aggressor in the relationship.
In my opinion I think a relationship where the guy ends up liking the girl more lasts longer versus a relationship where the girl is the one who is more head-over-heels over the guy.
It depends what you mean by chase. I can tell you that most guys get tired of feeling like they're jumping through hoops. Some women might say the guy is being lazy, but I say he's just holding onto his self-respect. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I can chase after one woman who plays hard-to-get and other mind games. Or I can pursue someone else who doesn't engage in such childishness. JonathanLB said it best. There has to be give and take. I can show initial interest in someone. But that interest has to be reciprocated. If she wants to call, she should call and not worry that it might make her look desperate if she calls after a certain number of days. If she has an idea for a date, she should feel free to call. Not wait for me to set it up. If I have to try to get into a woman's head constantly to figure out if she's still interested in me, then I'll just lose interest in her.
As for guys who get turned off by a girl pursuing them, those guys are just insecure and probably afraid someone they don't like will pursue them. Most secure men will be very flattered if an attractive woman pursues them.
I understand all that Jonathan, but can you deny that many men do like the "thrill of the hunt"? If a woman shows her cards too soon (i.e. admits her attraction), there are guys who lose interest as well. Even guys who seemingly had good intentions. This has happened to me! Like one time a guy made his interest in me known (he asked me to coffee), and I was sincerely THRILLED. I ended up telling him that later, just saying "Ya I had always had my eye on you so I was really happy you asked me out." And this, more than anything, seemed to deflate the date. It was like he knew he had me, so it wasn't fun anymore I guess. Better results occur when I'm a tiny bit more aloof, or distant and seemingly very involved with my life and I keep most of the responsibility on him to call and invite, but still be enthusiastic when he does. I agree with what Sierra said above that better outcomes seem to happen when the man pursues.
That's what bothers me. I mean, I'm sure over my days, one of the girls I took out and thought I had chemistry with, and thought things went well, actually did like me and thought the same, but she played so hard to get that it went nowhere. That's what I'm saying, it's not attractive to me, and no it doesn't make me want you more at all, actually.
No kidding. None of my male friends think like this. If a woman is playing hard to get with us, it doesn't make us want her more. Just the opposite.
See that's a huge turn-off to me, but I admit it could be because of my life experiences more. I admit I've had nothing but negative experiences with girls in general. It's basically like I imagine for every person who has abnormally good luck, I've had abnormally bad luck, some things simply can't be helped, like you don't have any way of knowing a girl raised in a religious family who seems like "the good girl" and has been with one guy is going to cheat on you with numerous guys and turn into the biggest hussy you've ever known, for instance. Or that you'll be interested in girls with fairly immediate plans to move out of the state, haha. Or a million other things. So for me, and given I haven't had the best experiences, I'm probably more likely than most guys to close off fast. I am afraid if I try too hard and then things don't work out again, it'll hurt that much more and prolong a lot longer before I even try again. So I'm likely to shut it down fast and avoid that hit to my self-esteem, haha.
I know this about myself and try to counteract that by being more self-aware, but at the same time when you've had constant bad experiences, your mind knows patterns, and it's natural to say, "The last 50 girls who acted this way, nothing good came of it, why is this going to be different?" So if a girl acts kind of distant and not that interested, and I have to contact her constantly, I lose interest really fast. Like literally in 3-5 days I can go from having a huge crush on her to thinking she's a massive witch and I'll not only never call her again but I will want nothing to do with her even if she did contact me. I find it such bad behavior, and so infuriating, that the best way to protect myself is to turn the disappointment into anger and then let that subside, it's healthier than moping around about it. You can use anger positively, like refocus it into your career, whereas sadness just prevents productivity, haha.
I don't mind a girl expressing interest early at all, and I don't think most guys would, that's as Denny said flattering. I like to know where I stand, I guess. I think maybe one problem is not being forthcoming enough or upfront enough about just asking. I'm nervous to ask formally if it's a date sometimes, you know, if it's not entirely clear. I guess I don't want to jinx it. Or I won't directly come out and say, are you interested in seeing me more? I like you and want to get to know you better. I kind of just play it bit by bit, maybe to avoid jinxing it or something. I think in the future I should just be more blunt.
Girls here are players, though, and I don't expect that when I ask a girl out she should suddenly not be interested in any other guys, I mean I get it that there are probably 100 other guys who like her, but with a certain type of girl you cannot compete with that. I mean, if her attitude is, "You'll put up with whatever I feel like dishing out because if you don't, I have 100 other guys who are interested in me." When I sense that attitude -- and I sense it a lot, because hot, young girls let it go to their head that they have options, even if they're not good ones -- I get pretty turned off fast because I could have the same attitude, I just find it pretty disgusting. I mean I could just as easily be like, yeah ok go find another guy my age who has my success and my financial situation and my intelligence and who will treat you well. But I don't have that attitude, because I think it's lame, and when you behave in that fashion it's kind of unattractive to anyone. I just don't like it to turn into some sort of audition where she behaves like I'm just one of many guys, and I need to impress her. I'm not here to impress her, haha, she needs to impress me too, I'm the picky one!
It depends what you mean by chase. I can tell you that most guys get tired of feeling like they're jumping through hoops. Some women might say the guy is being lazy, but I say he's just holding onto his self-respect. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I can chase after one woman who plays hard-to-get and other mind games. Or I can pursue someone else who doesn't engage in such childishness. JonathanLB said it best. There has to be give and take. I can show initial interest in someone. But that interest has to be reciprocated. If she wants to call, she should call and not worry that it might make her look desperate if she calls after a certain number of days. If she has an idea for a date, she should feel free to call. Not wait for me to set it up. If I have to try to get into a woman's head constantly to figure out if she's still interested in me, then I'll just lose interest in her.
As for guys who get turned off by a girl pursuing them, those guys are just insecure and probably afraid someone they don't like will pursue them. Most secure men will be very flattered if an attractive woman pursues them.
I agree I dont think a girl should just sit back and expect the guy to do all the work. There should be a give and take thing going. But I think that if a girl is the aggressor then it just makes her look desperate, hence the guy would lose interest in her.
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