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To be honest my first one night stand was at 38. First and last. I happen to have no room emotionally for the men my age that seek "marriage second time around". I like my young guys, they don't ask/demand. I personally don't ask. Just wondered if mid 40s guys are just trying to change my mind cuz after all what mid 40s woman could possibly looking foir more than fun?Yes, that means all aspects of discovering life, not just sex. I do happen to be totally upfront at all times, no matter how callous it might sound.
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Originally Posted by swanstone1
All of a sudden that means I'm asking for a f#### buddy. Enough said. Just asked if a man would appreciate honesty upfront as I KNOW FOR A FACT I would. Miscommunication at it's best
Its not miscommunication, what you've posted below implies the above. Thats not a judgment on my part, just bringing it to your attention.
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Originally Posted by swanstone1
I don't want to date, we can hang out, if I like you fine, I might just use you for sex, we can be buds, or it's not gonna fly.
I always say I don't do the traditional bf/gf thing and have NO interest in it.
[quote=swanstone1;16564045[B[B]]].............if you tell the man your modus operandi and he doesn't get it, do you dismiss him . Can't get any clearer than this.[/b] [/b][quote]
Your both adults and since you'v already said your upfront at all times and you don't date or do the traditional gf/bf, any thing but buds isn't gonna fly, I'd say you've answered your own question.
Amazing how many women get support for dealing with bad men, but when a woman is trying to figure out dealing with men on their own terms you get attacked. WTF?
I could be wrong, but I think that the 'attacks' are coming from women
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Originally Posted by swanstone1
Love laughing at myself about you guys postings. It's just the first time someone my age asked me out. Always been married (21 years) and then went to boy toys. I think I'm too tired to try to form relationships and therefore just give my spiel that I've known and find safe/honest . Maybe a test? I Just ended up in a very remote STATE 8x the population of my last CITY and the men all want to get married! EEEK! I think it's just possible to just get tired of people.
But I see that many are missing the question. Would men rather be told on day one and know where they stand or wonder? If I can relay to you on day ONE what I do/don't want, do you see it as a challenge to change my mind. I just haven't seen much difference in this situation between the sexes. Everyone is different but wouldn't you WANT TO BE TOLD UPFRONT?
As SifuPhil stated, it is going to be different for each guy. Some will appreciate it. Some will want the same. Others will be upset. Even though reactions will vary, I can tell you one thing that I am certain of:
It will confuse the heck out of most guys. If I understand your OP, you are simply looking for short-term relationships, or possibly a long-term fling without the desire to develop into a serious relationship.
If you tell a guy, or girl for that matter, that you may be interested in 'exploring life together' or having other such shared life experiences, for the most part with sex being a major component yet you are not interested in anything serious has the possibility of sending 'mixed signals'.
Guys are confused enough by women as it is. Add to the mix a declaration-even if from the get-go-that you are interested in the guy, but do not desire anything serious, the guy may begin to wonder what your true motives are as you continue to see this person.
I know that some on here will disagree with me, believing that love is some sort mystical spiritual endeavor created by the hand of God, or Cupid, or what-ever, but attraction towards another is purely a biochemical action in your body. You can't control it, yet you can control how you decide to act on it.
People hook-up, date, become BF/GF, etc. because they have that biochemical response going on. In a nut-shell, you only date people that you are sexually attracted to. Otherwise you are just friends.
"Feelings" can also develop over time. Boink a guy a few times and I can almost guaranty that he is going to want to continue boinking with you. Just because a guy is young, does not mean that he does not want a serious LTR, whether it ends in marriage or not.
There is substantial evidence that shows men and women are, for the most part, similar beings with similar responses to situations. The real differences are only arrived from social influences and accepted gender roles.
So, ask yourself this: How would you or another female respond to such a question, and you will have your answer.
I could be wrong, but I think that the 'attacks' are coming from women
If you tell a guy, or girl for that matter, that you may be interested in 'exploring life together' or having other such shared life experiences, for the most part with sex being a major component yet you are not interested in anything serious has the possibility of sending 'mixed signals'.
The OP didn't state men or women in the post.
Maybe i missed something...It seems you may have misquoted the OP and no mixed messages... she didn't say "exploring life together", it was
that means all aspects of "discovering life", not just sex.
At least I admit I DON'T want anything to do with men my age cuz the one's I've met want to get married and they scare the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have paid a few hundred k to get rid of the ones I had. My attitude is justified cuz I don't want a husband. I'm not looking for a husband. I asked a simple question about the ones that ask me out. Have no probs with men. Have problem with integrity.
Darn, when I was in the field where were those men who'd pay a few hundred k to be rid of me? I can only assume from this statement that you must have been heck on platinum wheels to snag in these men and then have been such a total witch that they couldn't wait to get you out of their lives.
For all the experience you seem to have had, your post really does seem a little redundant. Why does it bother you what they think as long as you're being honest from the beginning? And if dating men your own age is proving a problem then don't date men your own age ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1
Love laughing at myself about you guys postings. It's just the first time someone my age asked me out. Always been married (21 years) and then went to boy toys. I think I'm too tired to try to form relationships and therefore just give my spiel that I've known and find safe/honest . Maybe a test? I Just ended up in a very remote STATE 8x the population of my last CITY and the men all want to get married! EEEK! I think it's just possible to just get tired of people.
But I see that many are missing the question. Would men rather be told on day one and know where they stand or wonder? If I can relay to you on day ONE what I do/don't want, do you see it as a challenge to change my mind. I just haven't seen much difference in this situation between the sexes. Everyone is different but wouldn't you WANT TO BE TOLD UPFRONT?
Glad you're getting a laugh about the responses. I would venture to guess that anyone who falls into your web finds you so initially intriguing and the sex so brilliant that an expectation of possible change might indeed seem realistic. I'd also venture to guess that these males will back off very quickly once they realize that you're quite serious so I really don't see anything to fuss about unless you're into serious game-playing and manipulation.
I'd also caution you since you've apparently moved into a small geographical area. Word travels fast in small communities. I coined a phrase here many years ago on this volcanic island, viz, "if you fart on the Northside it'll be smelled on the Southside." On a volcanic island 13X3 miles, it's so true.
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Originally Posted by swanstone1
Don't do that much computer, so don't know what you're talking about???? Call me "computer speak" illiterate. In no way alone, in any aspect. And a hearty lol back to you for possibly misinterpreting
But you "do" enough computer to find this forum so are not exactly computer illiterate. Cheers!
Go ahead and chalk me up on the side of the "attackers." If I'm reading Stone right, her point is: I just want to use men for sex, but they all find me so desirable, they're trying to slip a ring on my finger and tie me down, because, honey, I'm like Donna Reed and Jenna Jameson all rolled into one! Where does a girl have to go to find a nice f*** buddy in this town?
Ok, for lthe first time since I moved to my new state I've had a guy my own age ask me out. Allright first guy to ask me out since I usually call the shots. he's ok, but I kinda tell it like it is. I don't want to date, we can hang out, if I like you fine, I might just use you for sex, we can be buds, or it's not gonna fly. I always say I don't do the traditional bf/gf thing and have NO interest in it.
So, if a guy still wants to go out, is he secretely hoping to change my mind? Or be just used for sex? Curious since I really haven't had much to do with men my age in years.
me-age 44
No he may just be looking for sex too...No committment..
Amazing how many women get support for dealing with bad men, but when a woman is trying to figure out dealing with men on their own terms you get attacked. WTF?
Just now got into this thread and got as far as this post, OP.
I say so long as you're being up-front then you go for it. On one hand it's true, if a man came in here and said that he'd be catching hell for it. On the other hand I notice right off the bat it's not the men subtly suggesting you're behaving badly and need an attitude adjustment, so I might refer back to this thread next time I hear the gals coming down on how they believe MEN are the ones who always think badly of them for their perceived liberation.
Back to the point: If you actually feel the way you say you do, if you're being up front about sex versus emotional attachment and/or the traditional boyfriend/girlfriend arrangement, and having sex with men while NOT having any stated attachment or relationship status appeals to you, then go for it.
It ain't for ME, no ma'am; but it's also not my place to suggest how you should feel or behave unless you're in my presence and somehow affecting ME. If a guy stated up-front that he had NO interest in a relationship but a woman with whom he was sleeping kept behaving as though she believed she'd change him, I'd say she needed to wake up and smell the coffee.
But I see that many are missing the question. Would men rather be told on day one and know where they stand or wonder? If I can relay to you on day ONE what I do/don't want, do you see it as a challenge to change my mind. I just haven't seen much difference in this situation between the sexes. Everyone is different but wouldn't you WANT TO BE TOLD UPFRONT?
IMO if a man told me this from day ONE, I would think he was rather arrogant. Good grief, I just met you and already you're telling me what you want/don't want! There wouldn't be a second date unless there was something so alluring about you that I couldn't resist but we all know how that goes.
So, it depends on WHO you are telling this to. There will be some men looking for a LTR, some FWB or marriage. Either way, I don't think it sets a very good tone for the date if you're already barking out "I don't want/I do want.....yada...yada". I would at least go out a couple more times and let the conversation progress there naturally.
On one hand it's true, if a man came in here and said that he'd be catching hell for it.
I'm not so sure, Urban Sasquatch. I've told many a man on here NOT to pretend to be emotionally interested in a woman just to sleep with her, and I've seen many others do the same (both men and women).
I've never ever seen anyone (on here, anyway) suggest that it's better not to be upfront if all a man wants is a physical union. Interestingly, it's only now, with a woman suggesting such an arrangement, that people are saying she shouldn't mention it...or are suggesting that she must be BSing or bluffing.
Folks, what is so weird about people -- yes, even women -- wanting different things at different stages of our lives? God knows if I get divorced, I will NOT be looking to remarry or even to get into something serious. Not for a while; maybe not ever. What is so frightening about that in a woman, that people have to go all hysterical over it? Is it really so beyond the realm of possibility that this really is what the OP wants, and that she has noticed (how could she not? ) people's reactions -- running the gamut from disbelief to downright offensiveness and insults -- to it and that's why she's come here to talk about it?
I mean wouldn't that make sense?
When I'm ready to fly from the next, you better believe I'll be seeking out company -- after a while -- and it will be LIGHT company for a good long while. And after that, who knows? Maybe bed...maybe bed and breakfast... but maybe *never again* permanently; and I do not think of myself as a heartless person at all. It would just be that stage of my life, post-children, post-divorce...etc. It would make a lot of sense to me.
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There wouldn't be a second date unless there was something so alluring about you that I couldn't resist but we all know how that goes. 
but maybe *never again* permanently; and I do not think of myself as a heartless person at all. It would just be that stage of my life, post-children, post-divorce...etc. It would make a lot of sense to me.
