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I think the "league" thing is not so much looks - rather, it's socioeconomic standing. People make choices on potential mates according to salary brackets - well, certain women, at least, do.
There's a difference between not being attracted to someone and thinking they're not in your league. The vast majority of women whether they're gorgeous or not, think in terms of whether they find a particular guy attractive. I've spent a lot of time socializing with groups of women over the years and when they talk about guys they think are gross or weird or whatever they never say things like: "Who does he think he is talking to that girl?" which is what I would expect if they thought in terms of 'leagues'. Instead they're HUGELY jealous and shocked when they see him with a decent girl. First they're like: "I can't believe he got girl and I don't have a guy!" then it switches to intrigue: "What's he got that she likes?" then panic: "Did I miss something obvious when he hit on me???" then fear: "OMG am I fat???"
I will throw you a bone though. You're absolutely right that SOME girls do think in terms of: "You're not good enough for me." and they do tend to be good looking, because of course good looking women typically have more opportunity to be picky. But in my experience those are the exceptions. The rule is that women beautiful or otherwise lack confidence in themselves.
I guess that there a lot of airheads out there.
What I see among those who are not, is women who were raised to be entitled - repeatedly told by parents, relatives and family friends how special they are and how they are going to snag the perfect man.
This uaually results in a lot of neuroses and supposed 'lack of confidence" because they must live up to these expectations and finding a bona fide candidate means navigating a minefield. However, what is more important to me is how they treat other men - really poorly and with a lot of "confidence" when they do it.
I'm not sure that they deserve the men they eventually get (they so often seem to end up unhappy) since they are actually, to some extent, victims of these unrealistic expectations in others.
Seriously? You think we'll pick up some bum on the streets, wash him, and get it on just because he happens to be good-looking?!
Nope, didn't say anything about the guy's looks.
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Wow. Care to explain that last statement? Too often, the beautiful women AREN'T lacking in confidence because so much of is derived from their looks and the attention it brings. It's only when their looks fade and they have nothing else going for them that their confidence begins to suffer.
Are you related to or close friends with any really beautiful women? Or does your only experience with them include hitting on them and getting turned down because of their 'confidence'?
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As a result I've been single all of my life but I just can't bring myself to pursue another little leaguer because if that chemistry of attraction isn't there I'm just not interested.
You do know that attraction develops very easily don't you? You don't need to write off every girl you don't immediately want to bang the second you lay eyes on her.
Oh jeez. Leagues. One of the biggest fallacies of dating in the 21st century.
Then you contradict yourself!
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Originally Posted by 415_s2k
Leagues seem to be a much bigger issue to educated, middle-to-upper class women than to men in general: since time immemorial, men who are successful and/or powerful have married women who are not as successful or powerful, and women have dreamed of meeting these men and becoming betrothed to them.
Basically, such women can afford to be picky. Leagues are a big issue for them. Nothing gets sucha woman angrier and more petulent than being approached by a man out of her league.
Few men can afford this luxury so they are willing to cast a wider net. However, they will have no luck with women out of their league. This is why men are noted for "marrying down" whereas women must always let their hyper-gamy rule. Some women end up unhappy because of this and a few will actually admit that they should have settled when they had the chance - but only a few.
Many more men end up unhappy, which is why marriage rates are dropping fast.
You do know that attraction develops very easily don't you? You don't need to write off every girl you don't immediately want to bang the second you lay eyes on her.
Still needs to be some physical attraction otherwise its a friendship
Oh, I guess you forget from page to page. Below is your first paragraph I cut in my response.
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Originally Posted by cuinlalaland
There's a difference between not being attracted to someone and thinking they're not in your league. The vast majority of women whether they're gorgeous or not, think in terms of whether they find a particular guy attractive. I've spent a lot of time socializing with groups of women over the years and when they talk about guys they think are gross or weird or whatever they never say things like: "Who does he think he is talking to that girl?" which is what I would expect if they thought in terms of 'leagues'. Instead they're HUGELY jealous and shocked when they see him with a decent girl. First they're like: "I can't believe he got girl and I don't have a guy!" then it switches to intrigue: "What's he got that she likes?" then panic: "Did I miss something obvious when he hit on me???" then fear: "OMG am I fat???"
What I see among those who are not, is women who were raised to be entitled - repeatedly told by parents, relatives and family friends how special they are and how they are going to snag the perfect man.
This uaually results in a lot of neuroses and supposed 'lack of confidence" because they must live up to these expectations and finding a bona fide candidate means navigating a minefield. However, what is more important to me is how they treat other men - really poorly and with a lot of "confidence" when they do it.
I'm not sure that they deserve the men they eventually get (they so often seem to end up unhappy) since they are actually, to some extent, victims of these unrealistic expectations in others.
Ahh I know the kind of woman you're talking about. Their 'confidence' is a very thin veneer. It seems like power and arrogance to a guy who's enamored with her looks, and she's more than willing to use her looks to manipulate those guys, because in a shallow way for a short time it makes her feel not quite so worthless.
Once in awhile those girls run into a guy like me who sees through it and has ZERO attraction for her. When she looses her power to manipulate she becomes weak. If you don't give a **** then it's easy to turn the tables and strip her of all her self-importance if you want to. I'll admit that when I was younger I took some pleasure in bringing those girls down a peg or two. But now I just ignore them.
There are lots of pretty girls who aren't like that, they aren't so insecure that they need to manipulate weaker men, nor do they need constant reassurance that they're worthy. But those girls often get overlooked because they don't dress like they're available for hire by the hour.
Oh, I guess you forget from page to page. Below is your first paragraph I cut in my response.
I still don't get it. How did you go from that paragraph to: "Girls will clean up any guy off the street as long as he's good looking"??? The paragraph you quoted was about guys who aren't good looking
I still don't get it. How did you go from that paragraph to: "Girls will clean up any guy off the street as long as he's good looking"??? The paragraph you quoted was about guys who aren't good looking
OK. Let me make this short - there ARE leagues, whether you like it or not, and not liking it is not about to make them go away.
I didn't go for someone in my league. In my league there are men. I didn't want that. I wanted a woman. So I had to go to the other league.
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