Stay or go (wife, married, woman, love)

[Silentsnowpine]

Hello all,

I met a girl at work who is married but was unhappy with her husband. Before I had ever thought at all about a relationship with her, I became friends with her and her 6 year old daughter. Over the past six months, she and her daughter has moved into my place and we have been living happily.

She lets her daughter go back home to her dad during the weekend when we both work. She does not go back other than to pick her daughter up. Her husband is neglectful in that he never pays attention to his daughter, and quite often lets her live dirty without a shower for the 3 days he has her.

She has not divoced him yet though, and has said she does not know how, and also that her life is too busy (we are both in college). We share a bank account and so far she has been trustworthy with money. She does not get along with my mom at all, and is a little possessive of me. I feel sorry for her daughter, she and I like each other and I feel like she finally has a father figure. I do not feel guilty for helping her cheat on her husband, especially if it will bring love into our lives, but she feels like she might go to hell for it. What do you all think I should do or watch out for?

Thanks in advance

[mrstewart]

I would watch out for the husband coming after you! I would also watch out for the husband trying to make claims on the bank account you share with HIS wife!

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by Silentsnowpine

What do you all think I should do or watch out for?

Thanks in advance

I don't know but the joint back account at this stage is just crazy.

[filihok]

I agree with the people who think that the joint bank account is a bad idea

I also would posit that since it is optimal to bathe once every 5 days that going 3 days without a shower isn't bad

[MIKEETC]

This situation is loaded with so many problems. Any one of them by itself is a challenge.

My suggestion: Exit.

[Nite Ryder]

[mod cut]Then I would kick her a$$ out the door, and lock it behind her. Then I would close the bank account and open a new one, before all the money in it is missing. [mod cut]

[temptation001]

Is she religious? Does she go to church? Did she get married by a preacher/priest/pastor? If not, then she probably won't go to hell.

Either way, many separated couples end up getting back together. Just be aware that any moment she might go back to him, even after making plans with you.

[thatsong64]

This is a huge mess. And you chose every step of it. At the very least, she needs to get divorced--now. That should be obvious. That might make the situation a little less messy. And you need to realize that you are not her daughter's father. You are pretending to be a step father, which isn't the same at all. The fact that you don't think he's a good father and that you like her does not make you her father. I guarantee that even though you guys say you have somewhat of a bond, she is SUPER confused.

If you were thinking of bouncing outta this situtation, you never should have even met her kid. Poor little girl.

[VBmom]

What a mess. What ever possessed you to let her move in with her daughter before she was at least legally seperated from her husband? Well...now that you have.

One: close the account. Get your own and have her do the same.
Two: help her to find her own place. She needs to be on her own during this process. If you plan on a relationship with her then she needs to end the old and start over.
Three: If she plans on getting a divorce then she needs to contact a lawyer or a legal aid group or someone to get the proper paper work and get things going. She needs to do this for herself and her daughter. Don't do it for her. She needs to do it.
Four: give things time. Do not marry her until she has been able to figure things out for herself. If you do she will just be trading one problem for another.
Five: Most importantly. Do not hurt that little child. Things are so confusing for children going through a divorce. They need love, support and people that are going to stay in their lives not just someone who is doing mommy.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by Silentsnowpine

Hello all,

I met a girl at work who is married but was unhappy with her husband. Before I had ever thought at all about a relationship with her, I became friends with her and her 6 year old daughter. Over the past six months, she and her daughter has moved into my place and we have been living happily.

She lets her daughter go back home to her dad during the weekend when we both work. She does not go back other than to pick her daughter up. Her husband is neglectful in that he never pays attention to his daughter, and quite often lets her live dirty without a shower for the 3 days he has her.

She has not divoced him yet though, and has said she does not know how, and also that her life is too busy (we are both in college). We share a bank account and so far she has been trustworthy with money. She does not get along with my mom at all, and is a little possessive of me. I feel sorry for her daughter, she and I like each other and I feel like she finally has a father figure. I do not feel guilty for helping her cheat on her husband, especially if it will bring love into our lives, but she feels like she might go to hell for it. What do you all think I should do or watch out for?

Thanks in advance

You are mingling finances with a woman of extremely low character. This is a train wreck waiting to happen, and you are the one who is going to get burned.