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There is a woman that I do business with frequently. She is much older than I am (15 years) and she is married. So am I by the way. Several of my other business partners have said they think she has a crush on me and even go so far as to call her my cougar. I can tell she flirts with me but its not big deal to me cause I do not look at her in that way. I have never told her she is attractive or nice looking even though she is attractive. I really do not flirt back in other words. I just learned at a young age to stay professional around women when doing business (my eyes never go below the neck).
She has invited me to lunch several times. The first time I went with other business partners so it was a group of us. The next time we went alone. It wasn't anything taboo. Just lunch, talking about kids and business. Now she asks me every other week to go to lunch. So we have been about a half dozen times. She has starting telling me about her marriage being in trouble and how her husband is out of town weeks at a time. I mainly listen and do not talk much about myself and my situation. She asks me for help with things I think she should be asking her husband like auto maintenance, house, and kid advice. So even though nothing is going on is she some how making me her platonic boy toy?
Do you all think these are inappropriate lunches? Should I stop going with her? I would prefer to hear from women... but men you can chime in too I guess.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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First of all, listen to your intuition--that's the answer. And I think yours is definitely telling you--thus, the post--this is headed in the wrong direction, at least in her mind. She's easing into it or working up the nerve to make a move. If she asks you out to lunch again, I'd tell her you and some friends are going and she's welcome to join you. Do that every time til she gets the message.
I think as long as you don't cross that line, there is nothing wrong with this situation. Remember, it only gets to that point if you allow it.
Ordinarily I would agree but if she is making a concerted effort to make her flirtations obvious at work to the point where coworkers notice...then there will be something wrong with this situation. Keep your nose clean, don't s**t where you eat if you want to keep this job and keep the office gossips out of your life.
She is clearly playing a game, and unless you are genuinely interested in her blatant goal ....if you don't want to be in the middle of something you will have one tough time explaining your way out of either to coworkers, superiors or your wife, I'd reduce the lunches to a respectful minimum.
Maybe she just finds you easy to talk to. If nothing inappropriate is being discussed or touched, why are you so paranoid about it? I could see if she was asking you to fix her car, something at her house or watch her kids (as it's her husband who should be doing these things) but she's merely asking for advice.
You are in control of your actions, if you are questioning your ability to keep it in check, then yes, discontinue having lunch with her alone.
First of all, listen to your intuition--that's the answer. And I think yours is definitely telling you--thus, the post--this is headed in the wrong direction, at least in her mind. She's easing into it or working up the nerve to make a move. If she asks you out to lunch again, I'd tell her you and some friends are going and she's welcome to join you. Do that every time til she gets the message.
^^^^
This, +1.
This most definitely IS the slow work-up. She's letting you know she's available, that there is plenty of opportunity and that it's relatively safe since HER portion of danger will be away. It's up to you (per her thinking) to handle YOURS (should you prove interested).
WB gave you the best advice: Stick to lunch with several friends and happily invite her along to join. Keep doing this until she backs off, although I also would expect that she'll make a play suggesting that you're either too timid to have lunch alone with her (the old "shaming" ploy) or she'll play the pity-card and suggest that perhaps you don't like her, by which you're supposed to "prove" you do by continuing to have lunch.
If this doesn't pan out for her, be wary of vindictiveness. It probably won't happen but there's a REASON the saying Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned actually STUCK.
There is a woman that I do business with frequently. She is much older than I am (15 years) and she is married. So am I by the way. Several of my other business partners have said they think she has a crush on me and even go so far as to call her my cougar. I can tell she flirts with me but its not big deal to me cause I do not look at her in that way. I have never told her she is attractive or nice looking even though she is attractive. I really do not flirt back in other words. I just learned at a young age to stay professional around women when doing business (my eyes never go below the neck).
She has invited me to lunch several times. The first time I went with other business partners so it was a group of us. The next time we went alone. It wasn't anything taboo. Just lunch, talking about kids and business. Now she asks me every other week to go to lunch. So we have been about a half dozen times. She has starting telling me about her marriage being in trouble and how her husband is out of town weeks at a time. I mainly listen and do not talk much about myself and my situation. She asks me for help with things I think she should be asking her husband like auto maintenance, house, and kid advice. So even though nothing is going on is she some how making me her platonic boy toy?
Do you all think these are inappropriate lunches? Should I stop going with her? I would prefer to hear from women... but men you can chime in too I guess.
You need to get as far away from this woman as possible.
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