Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Im in favor of NOT CONTACTING. Your just opening up old problems again. Theres no good reason why you should talk to this person. More then likely it is just drama. If your wondering if you got STDS then go get a test done, end of story. And OP people are just saying you play with fire you get burned, its your right to play with fire, but we arent going to be surprised at the result.
the issue stems not from him having another/other partners it's that by LYING to me when i asked specifically if he did, my ability to make an educated choice about having sex with someone was taken away.
that being said... while i appreciate your concern, i'm not disappointed and that is NOT the subject of my post, please do not get derailed.
the subject of my post is whether or not i should reply (and if so, how) to his girlfriend's request to talk with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aroux
i addressed much of this with STT in a PM but i'm going to put this out there in attempt to get back on track with the issue at hand.
i have a choice in who i have sex with; the when's where, why's and how's are all part of that choice. i have the choice to have sex with someone in a relationship or not. i have the choice to ask if they have multiple partners and the choice to stop (or not start) having sex with them if there are multiple partners involved. i have the right to ask if there are multiple partners so i can make the choice that is best for me. whether i would have still chosen to have sex with him knowing there are other people involved is, again, a choice i have the right to make. you may think that's the wrong call, and that's your place to say so, but if you think i don't have the right to ask, i'm sorry to say you are wrong. to say i don't have the right to ask whether or not my partner is having sex with other people is akin to saying i don't have the right to ask my partner if he has been tested for STD's.
can we please be done this this portion of the discussion SINCE IT'S NOT AN ISSUE for me.
i do appreciate everyone's answers that have been on point, and am considering them all while i decide what to do... thank you
Just want you to know that all of the above I am in complete agreement with. I know I am among a minority on this board and in real life, but some of us LIKE have FWB, casual sex, whatever. THAT is our choice. The topic here is not whether it's ok, moral, another's cup of tea.
She isn't even upset because he wasn't forthcoming with information which is essential to deciding whether to continue that relationship. He LIED. That ended the relationship. It's over, done. and OP has no further feelings for him.
So, having joined you in all that, OP, I wouldn't get into conversation with his new dating partner. If your curiosity is killing you, you can say something like:
Sure, ask me anything, but I may choose to NOT respond. That gives you the information and you can then block her. Yes, I CAN be devious so long as no one is hurt.
i would really appreciate any advice anyone has on how to handle this.
background: i was casually dating a guy "joe" from dec 09-may 10. we never discussed being exclusive and we were not "boyfriend/girlfriend." we stopped seeing each other in may when he called me by another girls name. the plan was to "stay friends" which i was fine with. i told him he should have been honest with me that he was seeing/sleeping with other girls. we maintained contact and i had no bad feelings. i occasionally asked him he was still seeing this other girl "sabrina" and he always said no but i didn't believe him.
one day i checked her facebook and saw that she was in a rel w/ joe. having gotten tired of being lied to, i deleted him from fb. that prompted him to ask me why. i told him i was tired of it and was cutting my losses.
today i received a facebook message from her asking to talk. my first inclination was to text him and ask why she was messaging me (i did NOT text him) my second inclination was to respond to her (i did NOT respond (yet)) my third inclination was to do nothing (so far, so good) and my 4th inclination was to respond "i'm afraid that won't be possible. any questions you have should be directed to 'joe'."
i'm at a loss. how should i handle this?
perhaps i should also add that i no longer even live in their town.
Actually i would let her know what a lying piece of dirt he is .
Just want you to know that all of the above I am in complete agreement with. I know I am among a minority on this board and in real life, but some of us LIKE have FWB, casual sex, whatever. THAT is our choice. The topic here is not whether it's ok, moral, another's cup of tea.
She isn't even upset because he wasn't forthcoming with information which is essential to deciding whether to continue that relationship. He LIED. That ended the relationship. It's over, done. and OP has no further feelings for him.
So, having joined you in all that, OP, I wouldn't get into conversation with his new dating partner. If your curiosity is killing you, you can say something like:
Sure, ask me anything, but I may choose to NOT respond. That gives you the information and you can then block her. Yes, I CAN be devious so long as no one is hurt.
That's what stood out to me in the original post.
I also wouldn't be too interested in helping the new gf with her relationship---whatever it may be. He sounds immature and that should become apparent without seeking an opinion from anyone else.
It also seems to me, many years beyond the challenges of dating today--that if you have any sort of 'relationship' beyond one night stands that there would be some emotional investment. But, that is just me.
Im in favor of NOT CONTACTING. Your just opening up old problems again. Theres no good reason why you should talk to this person. More then likely it is just drama. If your wondering if you got STDS then go get a test done, end of story. And OP people are just saying you play with fire you get burned, its your right to play with fire, but we arent going to be surprised at the result.
^^^Exactly! OP, do NOT contact either of them. More than likely, "Sabrina" may want to start some drama.
i have the right and the ability to choose not to have an ongoing sexual relationship with someone who has multiple partners.
there is, in fact, a difference between 2 people having a non-committed sexual relationship and 2 people having sex while having multiple partners. if you want to debate that, please start a different thread b/c it's not the issue here.
the issue stems not from him having another/other partners it's that by LYING to me when i asked specifically if he did, my ability to make an educated choice about having sex with someone was taken away.
that being said... while i appreciate your concern, i'm not disappointed and that is NOT the subject of my post, please do not get derailed.
the subject of my post is whether or not i should reply (and if so, how) to his girlfriend's request to talk with me.
I am not concerned about you in the slightest. If you follow my advice, you will never be in this situation again. You are free to ignore it of course, and repeat the same mistakes.
thank you all! today seemed, overall, to be a bit more on track and i appreciate all your feedback. NY Annie and TakeAHike, that you understand where i'm coming from and realize exactly what i meant is important to me. thank you!
i have still not responded, yet my curiosity is still piqued. however, i did speak with an ex-boyfriend of mine who went to HS with joe and sabrina, he said she is bad news bears and to stay away. that probably has done more to convince me that my curiosity does not need satisfied.
You can't demand sexual exclusivity in a casual relationship. If the thought of your partner having sex with someone else really bothers you, you should only be sexually active in committed relationships. You are trying to have it both ways, and the end result of that always will be you feeling disappointment.
Agree! Unless you both have agreed to an exclusive relationship, it is just a simple, casual relationship, where anything can happen.
Woah! This sucks. I agree, ignore them both! PLEASE!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
how to handle potentially ugly/awkward situation
