Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would take a spray can of air freshener and relabel it, in large letters: A S S H O L E Spray.
And I'd keep it in my purse. Every time he did something stupid, I'd whip that can out and spray it all around him, making sure that everyone could clearly read the label.
OP, I found this thread on a google search because I am experiencing similar difficulties in my marriage. Please know that I empathize. To everyone else who says "suck it up" because we "knew what we were getting into", have a heart. Don't you think we would have done things differently if it were possible to go back? Maybe at the time we thought we could live with their antics or even found them amusing at the time. People change and tolerances change. OP, send me a message at maddash6666@yahoo.ca if you'd like to talk one on one.
Maybe... but from his point of view, why should he change to make her happy when he was honest about who he was long before they married? It's not his fault she changed and became less tolerant. So the fact still remains that her only two options are to accept him the way he is or leave him for good. As unfortunate as that is, it's the simple truth. You can "talk" about it all you like but if you're trying to change him, it will only continue to cause problems, not resolve them.
The most significant info to me is "he always gets fired or laid off", and he lied about being married. I think you knew he was less than stellar, but you chose to ignore it. Furthermore, when he continues to behave in a way that he knows upsets and embarrasses you, he is showing a deliberate lack of regard for you.
Now, you can either leave him, which is what I would do (life is short at your age), or stay with him and quit whining about it. If you decide to continue to tolerate this relationship, remember that HE is not YOU. His behavior should not cause you any embarrassment whatsoever. The more embarrassed you are the more he enjoys doing it.
i will walk out doors when i have had a plate of spice food hit me that i have eaten earlyer and now it wants to come out in a bad way or try to go to the bathroom with a fan or candle beening lit to help hide the smell or the noise as the gas comes out of my body ..
i do try to cover them with my hand over my mouth if i do belch and say iam sorry and get out of the area with people to not to bother them with belching or other things that happens .. ..
but when iam alone in the place well that a horse of a diff color at times but if i have a lady friend spending the night i do try to behave like a gentlemen with a few basic manners that my mother tried to teach me ..
I think it is just par for the course after you are married. Once the ring is safely on the finger, they don't have to be "genteel" anymore. My DH would never have dared flatulate in my presence when we were dating or engaged - but after we were married he no longer had to impress me. Never in a public place (unless a parking lot counts), or around other than immediate family members. He doesn't do it intentionally to be nasty, he just didn't make any effort to leave the room or mask it, when it is just us. I played a nasty trick on him, once - when my youngest was ten and going through a "gross" stage, her older sister got her an electronic "fart machine" from Spencer's for Christmas. We took it with us on a family trip to the zoo, and set it off at 60 second intervals, walking beside him. It was very realistic. People turned around and looked - at him. Priceless!!!! My daughter wanted to take it in the art museum, too, but that would have been too much.
Anyway, it sounds like your husband is just acting like an immature kid. You know how boys do that stuff in school? It seems like he is doing it for attention. Ignore it, and it will take the "wind" out of his sails (pun intended).
I've been married to my husband for 2-1/2 years. I am 47, he is 50. This is a second marriage for us both. We have no kids together, and no kids living with us. I knew/dated/lived with him for four years before we married. For about the first year and a half after we met, he was a "gentleman" and I fell in love with him. Then the "real" him came out, and oh how embarassing. He has absolutely no shame passing gas, belching very loudly, and behaving immaturely in public. I am not a prude - I enjoy cutting up every now and then - but I would never do the things he does. Most recently we were at my son-in-law's birthday get-together. There were about 25 people there and my husband just farted, really loudly. Everyone turned around and looked at him. I was so embarassed and he thought it was funny. Even when we are at home and it is just he and I, when he farts, he laughs every time, at the "noises they make" - so he says. He does this at ball games, grocery stores, EVERYWHERE. He knows it embarasses me but obviously does not care or does not "get it". And he's so immature that we can go into a grocery store and he arranges vegetables to look like male genitila. He does down the craft aisle in Wal-Mart and spells out dirty words with the block letters they sell. He's had 5 different jobs in the short time I've known him. He always gets fired or laid off. (He has a degree and is an accountant). I have to wonder if his employers just get fed up with his obnoxious bodily noises and smells.
I want to go places and do things, but now I just stay home to avoid the embarassment I know will come if I go anywhere with him. We still grocery shop together (because he gets upset if we don't and groceries are something we HAVE to have). I avoid getting together with friends and family, inviting company over, etc. I honestly think I would be happier if I wasn't with him. I don't enjoy being with him anymore. I have actually tried many, many times in the past to leave him (for other reasons that include lying about being seperated from his ex-wife for an entire YEAR when he actually wasn't -- and that's just the beginning of the lies). But he somehow always guilts me into staying.
I'm just tired of being bored and depressed. I know some of you (or a lot of you) will suggest counseling, but I have to say upfront that I don't see that as a possibility. I took my adopted daughter for counseling for years and all the therapists did was enable her to feel sorry for herself - I never saw any benefit from taking her, and yes, I did try several different therapists.
The issue is this : He has lost his self respect and respect for you too., and possibly now that his quest is over for getting you to the alter he feels he can resort back to his batchhelorhood which involves having parties in his pants whenever he feels like inviting it . Also alarming is his laziness, inability to hold down a job, and generally not caring about your relationship and how it makes you feel. I can tell you this...unless you DO get into professional counselling and he hears from a professional how he is dropping the proverbial ball big time, your resentment will build and you will disrespect him more until you dont want to try any longer ; this in turn will make you more vulnerable for an extra marital relationship with someone who pretends to respect you but only wants you for sex. Does this make sense to you ? I think you are VERY close to giving him an ultimatum that says either we go in for counselling for our marriage or im going to have to seperate for awhile until youre ready to seriously work on our marriage. If you dont do this then he isnt going to change .
Im willing to bet that he did some of these things during your cohab. but the sex and playing house clouded alot of these red flags . Would i be somewhat correct about this ? Regards.
Nah, not looking for permission to leave. I guess I was hoping someone out there had a similar situation and found a way to deal with it.
If you want to stay married to Mr. Gassy, and don't want to be embarassed by him, don't bring him along. When you visit your family, I'm sure they would all appreciate it if you didn't have him tag along.
If you have to go out in public with him and he starts acting like a 13 year old with the vegetables, walk away and leave.
If he wonders why you act like he's not great to be around, then flat out tell him that he behaves like a boor and you don't chose to be around him in public when he does.
It comes down to the fact only he can control himself - but you do not have to stick around when he acts like an idiot. You can control what you do which means you're out of there when he acts up and he's no longer welcome as your escort to social events.
I've been married to my husband for 2-1/2 years. I am 47, he is 50. This is a second marriage for us both. We have no kids together, and no kids living with us. I knew/dated/lived with him for four years before we married. For about the first year and a half after we met, he was a "gentleman" and I fell in love with him. Then the "real" him came out, and oh how embarassing. He has absolutely no shame passing gas, belching very loudly, and behaving immaturely in public. I am not a prude - I enjoy cutting up every now and then - but I would never do the things he does. Most recently we were at my son-in-law's birthday get-together. There were about 25 people there and my husband just farted, really loudly. Everyone turned around and looked at him. I was so embarassed and he thought it was funny. Even when we are at home and it is just he and I, when he farts, he laughs every time, at the "noises they make" - so he says. He does this at ball games, grocery stores, EVERYWHERE. He knows it embarasses me but obviously does not care or does not "get it". And he's so immature that we can go into a grocery store and he arranges vegetables to look like male genitila. He does down the craft aisle in Wal-Mart and spells out dirty words with the block letters they sell. He's had 5 different jobs in the short time I've known him. He always gets fired or laid off. (He has a degree and is an accountant). I have to wonder if his employers just get fed up with his obnoxious bodily noises and smells.
I want to go places and do things, but now I just stay home to avoid the embarassment I know will come if I go anywhere with him. We still grocery shop together (because he gets upset if we don't and groceries are something we HAVE to have). I avoid getting together with friends and family, inviting company over, etc. I honestly think I would be happier if I wasn't with him. I don't enjoy being with him anymore. I have actually tried many, many times in the past to leave him (for other reasons that include lying about being seperated from his ex-wife for an entire YEAR when he actually wasn't -- and that's just the beginning of the lies). But he somehow always guilts me into staying.
I'm just tired of being bored and depressed. I know some of you (or a lot of you) will suggest counseling, but I have to say upfront that I don't see that as a possibility. I took my adopted daughter for counseling for years and all the therapists did was enable her to feel sorry for herself - I never saw any benefit from taking her, and yes, I did try several different therapists.
Sounds to me like you just married a funny guy. Especially writing the dirty words at WAL-MART and creating genitalia out of produce! LMAO I bet his stress level is really low? Get over it and laugh! If you don't you will be the one with the heath problems in the end, not him. P.S. if he is that cleaver to get a laugh I wonder what else he comes up with? LOL
Now I want to go to Wal-Mart and make genitals out of produce...
I think it is hilarious. Don't hate me girls for siding with the ham of a husband this gal has! LMAO
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
