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In my dating life, I try and 'do the right thing' all the time, but being human, every so often you do the wrong thing. WOMEN (not all women, but a large percentage) will forget the 100 nice things you do, and remember the one lousy thing. And I have to tell you, it's really not fair.
And worse, when a woman does something bad to a man, she forgets it (or denies it) and when a man does something bad to a woman, forever is it in her arsenal.
Jonathan
^^^^ THIS!!!! It's the Heads I WIN, Tails you LOSE syndrome.
^^^^ THIS!!!! It's the Heads I WIN, Tails you LOSE syndrome.
Maybe if the man stops doing lousy things that he knows will get us upset or quits trying to reason with us of if we know what's it like to be in their brains, he wouldn't be in this losing position in the first place.
If I don't accept an apology, it has nothing to do with my mood or anything BUT how insincere I believe them to be.
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Originally Posted by Sunflower_lol
Maybe it's true. In our genes, we do have an almost acurate memory of the day and time of the incident. It's not our fault we remembered when it happened.
This has nothing to do with gender or genetics. We don't all have an accurate memory of day and time, a roundabout is good enough for many of us, male and female. I would hate to think than men are so lacking that they forget when someone truly disrespects them and how often. And there is no "fault" in remembering when something happened.
Quote:
If our argument were to proceed, then the initial offense tends to be accidentally mentioned.
Accidentally? I don't mention anything I don't mean to mention, do you? If someone commits the same offense over and over, how could anyone dismiss how often they did it?
I don't get it. There's the stereotype that we nag and never forget anything that happened and then we get slammed for turning a blind eye to it all.
Yes of course, if someone genuinely apologises to you, you better genuinely accept it, or you are a bad person.
So I was a bad person to that kid back then?
I guess it might have been somewhat mean but sometimes it's deserved. I think I'll start being more accepting towards apologies from now on but only if it's a sincere one, not because someone else force the person to say it or they don't mean it at all.
Bad person? Hard to say. But unforgiving by your own words.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower_lol
I guess it might have been somewhat mean but sometimes it's deserved. I think I'll start being more accepting towards apologies from now on but only if it's a sincere one, not because someone else force the person to say it or they don't mean it at all.
Sounds like you are getting wiser. Since real apologies are not easy come by for many people it helps when they are not rejected. You have to also let go of the hurt when you do accept an apology. Otherwise it has done no good. Even if you have a eidetic memory it is best to let most things go.
Never let the past steal the present or the future will be in doubt.
In my dating life, I try and 'do the right thing' all the time, but being human, every so often you do the wrong thing. WOMEN (not all women, but a large percentage) will forget the 100 nice things you do, and remember the one lousy thing. And I have to tell you, it's really not fair.
And worse, when a woman does something bad to a man, she forgets it (or denies it) and when a man does something bad to a woman, forever is it in her arsenal.
Jonathan
Perhaps you are just dating the wrong kinds of women
This is part II on the poster asking if apologizing when you were in the wrong and hurt the person is easy.
Sometimes I find myself not accepting an apology and it's usually when I'm seriously not in the mood, totally dislike the person or when I really don't care no one or another. Other times I do accept it so this means the person is lucky if I forgive them right away.
So how about if you refuse to accept someone's apology? I would really get annoyed if someone keeps insisting how I should accept it and forgive them when I don't really feel like it.
Has any of you ever refused an apology before (even if it was a sincere one) and shrug it off as if it meant nothing?
I did this to one kid in 6th grade. He sounded sincere upon apologizing for teasing (it hurts getting verbally made fun of everyday, sarcastic comments passed out or called names) me everyday at school. This was one day before ending elementary school. He looked kind of sad and probably wanted to be my friend but I turn him down and shrug it off, giving him the silent treatment. I was indifferent towards him and till this day have no regrets towards it.
Maybe he had a crush on you . And no you were not wrong because often people apologize because they feel guilty and not because they are really sorry
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