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A guy I used to work with is the type of guy who jumps from one relationship to the other and lately started online dating. Short term flings seem to be his thing. We worked together for less than a year and a few years later he's still on my case about working at the same company and about currently being single.
The guy is a people person and I generally prefer to do stuff myself. He's a good looking guy, studied in business school, has a big network of professional and personal contacts - me not so much. I prefer to have a select circle of contacts and let these connections grow over time.
Tonight we talked about relationships and dating and he was boasting how he was talking to "lots" of girls now. I asked him to quantify this and he then admitted to dating one and corresponding with 5 others. But he did boast about meeting one from POF and going back to her place the first night they met. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was trying to spend more time in the kitchen, improving other aspects of life, to which he replied, come on VAW, you gotta push yourself and get back on the dating scene, do all those projects you talked about, but all at once.
Sure there buddy...
Anyway I know I'm not ready for the dating scene. I'd rather develop my career and become a good cook, have a healthy body, etc. and then....get back into the scene. What's with this guy telling me to get out there? Do you have any friends like that? What works for him doesn't work for me. I dunno whether he's like this because he studied management or if it's just his personality, but some guys are meant to be players and others aren't.
he is just trying to impose his own values on you. what works for him doesn't work for you. but he seems to be a pretty self-absorbed type- not too much into the give and take if he has all these chicks on a string. seems like his life would be pretty empty. don't let his idea of the ideal life distract you from your own. sounds like you are one sensible dude. i wish MORE guys (and chicks!) had the same common-sense attitude you seem to display. its always better to love yourself and put more into your own game before trying to throw your pearls among swine (so to speak) just so you can be ****-of-the-walk.
i have friends who do the same thing. one male friend of mine was always trying to gvie me unsolicited advice, told me when i moved to california from GA five years ago that i was making "the worst mistake of my life" because i had a car payment and had never visited california. he was trying to impose his mortgage/debt saddled idea of the american dream on me, and i am still here. not everyone shares the same values nor should they. its one thing to try and help a friend out of a hole, its another to tell them they are WRONG WRONG WRONG DO IT MY WAY. anyway, don't let it get you down!
hes could just be joking around with you and having fun. i sure he doesnt give that much **** if you are on the dating scene or not.
and yeah i always make my buddy go out of his comfort zone. i made him jump out of a plane wiht me last year that was fun. he screamed like a girl the whole way down
I've dealt with persons I used to consider friends who engage in this 'behavior'.
For that reason , I implemented a cessation of contact , and it has stood for 2 years.
You have to do what's right for you. As for his boasting, laugh all that off. If he's a real friend, you should be able to tell him why you're moving at you own pace and he'll respect that by not hounding you. He can say it occasionally, but the hounding will stop. Are you a woman? I was thinking he might be rushing you just to date you. But then I wouldn't think he'd brag about other women to you if that were the case.
I usually found that friends who had differently priorities than I did, and who really didnt care about what I was doing, as long as I was interesting in the way they wanted me to be, kind of quickly fell off when they'd see that I wasn't into what they were.
Example, I had girlfriends who liked to drink themselves silly and hang out in clubs. I didn't like that, so they stopped calling because we had nothin in common. unequally yoked people will drift away from you if you hold firm to the truths about yourself.
True friends, though, will enhance your life, talk about what you want to talk about some times, and help you change course if you're led astray. He might think he's helping you by encouraging you to get out. So jus explain your view about it, and expect him to respect it.
You dont have to wait til your "perfect" to start dating. Whether you can cook or not, in great shape or not, u can still date. Just master 1 or 2 dishes and the girls will love it already. As long as your not obese, a guys weight is not too important.
You might not want to be like your friend with 5 girls on the line, but you should get out there, and not get comfortable being too introverted.
A guy I used to work with is the type of guy who jumps from one relationship to the other and lately started online dating. Short term flings seem to be his thing. We worked together for less than a year and a few years later he's still on my case about working at the same company and about currently being single.
The guy is a people person and I generally prefer to do stuff myself. He's a good looking guy, studied in business school, has a big network of professional and personal contacts - me not so much. I prefer to have a select circle of contacts and let these connections grow over time.
Tonight we talked about relationships and dating and he was boasting how he was talking to "lots" of girls now. I asked him to quantify this and he then admitted to dating one and corresponding with 5 others. But he did boast about meeting one from POF and going back to her place the first night they met. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was trying to spend more time in the kitchen, improving other aspects of life, to which he replied, come on VAW, you gotta push yourself and get back on the dating scene, do all those projects you talked about, but all at once.
Sure there buddy...
Anyway I know I'm not ready for the dating scene. I'd rather develop my career and become a good cook, have a healthy body, etc. and then....get back into the scene. What's with this guy telling me to get out there? Do you have any friends like that? What works for him doesn't work for me. I dunno whether he's like this because he studied management or if it's just his personality, but some guys are meant to be players and others aren't.
It is okay to have friends like this. However, it is not okay to have these kinds of discussions with him and then be surprised that he tries to push you out of your comfort zone. You already knew this about him.
If you don't like being pushed when it comes to relationships, then don't have those types of discussions with him. Focus on something else if you still want to remain in contact with him.
Some people cannot fathom any other perspectives than their own. Your friend sounds very shallow . . . probably unable to actually comprehend that there might be other ways to experience life than his style. He is imposing his values on you. He may not be able to comprehend that anyone would have any other values . . . in a way that is a put down, just because he thinks his way is the "right" way. It is a very arrogant, narrow-minded perspective that he is trying to impose on you. I would just say, "Thanks, I am happy with my life."
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