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Old 11-26-2010, 01:17 AM
 
13 posts, read 47,618 times
Reputation: 37

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So I was eating with my family today and my mom asked me about my romance. At the moment I just shrugged it off and said that I was too busy. Thinking about this later I realized that I'm just not that interested in women anymore. A little background.

I just graduated from college and just found a great job. I'm technically married for 5 years (I'm 23) now but we've long lost interest in each other. As soon as we have the time and money we're divorcing. It was a very tough marriage. She's very hot tempered and I'm very mellow. She would constantly pick fights no matter how neat and thoughtful I was. After the 3rd year I just stopped caring.

Recently I've been thinking about the prospect of life after this women and frankly dating just seems too tedious. I just prefer to live my life, improve my skill-set and do the things that I want to do. Especially building my career and future. I love what I do for a living (biotech research). Unfortunately I think this terrible marriage has jaded me towards women. I just don't "feel" anything towards women anymore. I'm also not terrible concerned about being alone. This past year I've let fizz about 6 girls that showed interest in me (they have no idea I'm married). I'm not sure what I'm getting at here. I think I've lost the ability to love anyone.

Last edited by pippy.doe; 11-26-2010 at 01:19 AM.. Reason: Jeez after reading this post over I don't think I've every used so many "I"s

 
Old 11-26-2010, 01:30 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,890 posts, read 12,888,781 times
Reputation: 8415
Quote:
Originally Posted by pippy.doe View Post
So I was eating with my family today...

...I'm not sure what I'm getting at here. I think I've lost the ability to love anyone.
No doubt you've used a lot of "I"'s, but after the description of your marriage I'm not surprised.

You married at a fairly young age and sometimes that's a difficult marriage to maintain; you're both still changing and trying to get a foothold on life.

Have you had a chance to read this thread - Feel so far behind in life ? The circumstances, except for the fact of marriage, are quite similar.

I don't think the ability to love is ever lost; it's just misplaced or put in a deep, dark place for a while.
 
Old 11-26-2010, 01:33 AM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
12,540 posts, read 12,828,725 times
Reputation: 8390
I felt this way initially after my separation from my ex-husband. It is very overwhelming to look back on years of a relationship and to think of rewinding and going through aaaaaall those things (minus the horrible ones, hopefully!) and dancing around doing the whole starting-a-relationship thing. It seems like just way too much.

Don't think of it that way at all (when the time comes that you want to think about it at all, and that time certainly may come). Just take it one day at a time if/when it gets to the point where you want to date again. Right now you're encapsulating years of actions when you think of "relationships," and in fact those years culminated in nothing good. Of course dating seems like a bummer that way!
 
Old 11-26-2010, 01:38 AM
 
13 posts, read 47,618 times
Reputation: 37
One thing I have learned is that I'm never EVER getting married again. No matter how tempting or demanding she is, I'll always remember this relationship. It's been engrained into my mind. And if a girl pushes me enough I'll just break it off. That is if I ever see anything in a girl again.
 
Old 11-26-2010, 01:50 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,890 posts, read 12,888,781 times
Reputation: 8415
Quote:
Originally Posted by pippy.doe View Post
One thing I have learned is that I'm never EVER getting married again. No matter how tempting or demanding she is, I'll always remember this relationship. It's been engrained into my mind. And if a girl pushes me enough I'll just break it off. That is if I ever see anything in a girl again.
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”
~ Albert Schweitzer
 
Old 11-26-2010, 01:55 AM
 
13 posts, read 47,618 times
Reputation: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”
~ Albert Schweitzer
I've also since lost my faith and become an Atheist so I don't see the point in institutionalized marriage (4 years of science and philosophy has enlightened me). In my mind a relationship does not chance simply because the status between two people became "marriage". Sure, have a ceremony to celebrate each other's commitment but legal marriage is pointless and out-dated.
 
Old 11-26-2010, 02:19 AM
 
13 posts, read 47,618 times
Reputation: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
No doubt you've used a lot of "I"'s, but after the description of your marriage I'm not surprised.

You married at a fairly young age and sometimes that's a difficult marriage to maintain; you're both still changing and trying to get a foothold on life.

Have you had a chance to read this thread - Feel so far behind in life ? The circumstances, except for the fact of marriage, are quite similar.

I don't think the ability to love is ever lost; it's just misplaced or put in a deep, dark place for a while.
I just read that thread and I think calicali01 really hit the nail.. I'm originally from Brazil and closeness and family unity is key. America is a great place to make money but this country is so god damn depressing. I really miss home... Meu Brasil. My wife is vietnamese and they're even more cold then Americans, maybe this is why we were so at odds with each other. She once told me that it's been years, YEARS since her mother last said "I love you".
 
Old 11-26-2010, 02:59 AM
 
1,206 posts, read 1,424,033 times
Reputation: 1110
Pippy, Its hard to see things from a better light right now bc your situation sucks. I suggest you divorce and spend time just living life. If someone comes along then get to know them better, dont be jaded because of this relationship. Regarding marriage, most people are unprepared for it, but the most important thing is that you are compatible. The more similar you are, the better, so perhaps a girl from a similar background and is also mellow and works in science would be best. Try to keep positive, america aint all bad =)
 
Old 11-26-2010, 03:21 AM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 24,084,256 times
Reputation: 33733
You married young and are disillusioned. Happens to a lot of people.

Take time away from romance for the next few years to grow up and figure out who you really are and what you want out of life. Once YOU are a complete human being, you can reinvite other people back into your life for romance, etc. And I think you'll find yourself inclined to.
 
Old 11-26-2010, 05:19 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
6,627 posts, read 6,767,957 times
Reputation: 7744
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
You married young and are disillusioned. Happens to a lot of people.

Take time away from romance for the next few years to grow up and figure out who you really are and what you want out of life. Once YOU are a complete human being, you can reinvite other people back into your life for romance, etc. And I think you'll find yourself inclined to.
I totally agree with this. You're in the midst of this mess right now, so things look bad. Throw yourself into your career, improve your skill set, and don't worry about women. Eventually someone will come along that you can't do without and then you'll be ready for it. Best wishes.
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