Oh the things you are never told about marriage (dating, family, children)
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I definitely agree that couples should live together before getting married if possible. My husband and I lived together for 2 years before our wedding. I don't think it made much of a difference in our case, since there was very little adjustment for us. We have an odd relationship though, lol. Marriage has been really easy and we never fight, so I know we are not the norm. But anyway, my sister is living with her fiancee now and is realizing who he truly is. The wedding may or may not happen based on the things she is discovering (and they have been together since high school, over 10 years now). They still have another year and half before the big day fortunately, but hopefully they're able to work things out!
I do agree that people change at certain times in their lives. My husband and I met in our 20's a couple of years after college, and I don't feel like he's changed at all; at least not in any big ways. He's still the same guy I met and fell in love with. But I'm sure if we had known each other in high school I wouldn't be saying the same thing.
I agree with doing small nice things for your partner to show your appreciation. The small gestures go so much further than the big lavish one's. You don't have to do something special daily, in fact I wouldn't recommend it! You don't want your partner to come to expect you do something everyday because then the novelty wears off. I prefer the occasional surprise (but that's just me).
I think the "living together" is not a wise thing at all.
If you were to look at a house because you want to buy it, you will walk through it and inspect it. You know, the reasonable things you do when you check it all over. If you like it you put a purchase agreement on the house. (engagement)
You don't move your stuff in and live there wondering if you will like living there. (Living together)
After you committed yourself buy signing the agreement to purchase the home it's yours. (Marriage) It's exciting and fun to own this beautiful house. You can live in it and take care of it.
However, there WILL be maintenance and upkeep on it. It's not going to be sparkling perfect forever and ever. Just like a wife.
You want to rent-obtion-to-buy. Every house is different. You highlight the positive aspects of that house to make it great!!! You know, just like you would a wife.
Renting is for people who are ready to pick up and move as soon as trouble comes. Home owners are committed persons you can trust.
I do agree with your logic and to add to it, I would say living together is more beneficial for a male then it is for a female. No matter what the age of a guy, he can aways leave and find a hot young thing and start over, but for a female who is not exactly a ripe young collage freshmen with no children it's going to be harder for her to find a DECENT mate. If she was married at least she could get a house/money or something if the relations***t simply could not work...
But going back to the living together, I use the shoe analogy. We all buy em and we all try them on before we buy but at the same time nobody buys used shoes. Sometimes I wonder tho, if people live together to get all the benefits of being married without going through all the work/fear of getting married.
Last edited by Morphous01; 01-14-2009 at 09:03 PM..
Been married now three times. No one prepared me for what a real marriage was, and neither of my other husbands had a clue either. I would add: Celebrate your partners differences because it would be really boring if you were just alike and 2)Having regular sexual intimacy keeps the bond tight
Things aren't always black and white, there's more gray than anything.
You will go through phases wondering why you married the person you did.
Even if you are in a good marriage it is still a lot of work.
Accept the quirks. For example my husband does not like making decisions. So instead of nagging him and trying to force him to make one I just make them most of the time. It gets tiresome and I wish he'd take more control sometimes but it saves time and energy.
Try to find the good in the things that annoy you. My husband is passive to where I want to pull my hair out sometimes but I also realize he balances me out. I can be pretty impulsive and aggressive. He forces me to slow down, think and center myself. And I do the same for him. I help him realize when he needs to stand up for something.
Wow, when you were 21 the world was A LOT different then. There was a basic value system and a moral code that was instilled into most people in the 50's. I know not everybody, but it was in more people then compared to today.
Anyway, I wish I had the opportunity to have a life long parter with a women of that era. Really, women could turn heads wearing a nice sundresses and knew how to do many things from scratch that were passed down from generations where today that's pretty much long gone.
Today many 15-16 year olds know more about sex and other things that they could now teach a 40 year old man.. Truth be told, this is the real reason why is best not to get married out of highschool/College, the children's values have been rearranged or stripped all together to you got to wait to see who sees the light steers clear from all that mess..
Better check your math, I am 49 and grew up smack in the middle of the feminist movement, the seventies, a huge upheaval. Many of us had stay at home moms and that was no longer presented as an option. However, I am sure I role modeled my mother's wife style and my dh of 26 year is quite spoiled. I am interested as I hear younger women I work with stating that the husband splits the household duties. I do agree with your observation that the young girls are stripped of their innocence, heck same goes for the young men.
Better check your math, I am 49 and grew up smack in the middle of the feminist movement, the seventies, a huge upheaval. Many of us had stay at home moms and that was no longer presented as an option. However, I am sure I role modeled my mother's wife style and my dh of 26 year is quite spoiled. I am interested as I hear younger women I work with stating that the husband splits the household duties. I do agree with your observation that the young girls are stripped of their innocence, heck same goes for the young men.
Yea thats proly the one of the good things about this new generation of men. Women have voiced there opinion of men not helping around at the house especially now that BOTH people haft to work now. One of my friends has a maid to come 2 times a month because they are just to busy to clean themselves. The fact that family's are this busy is actually the cause of why so many kids are wild, after school MOM and DAD are both at work so little jimmy can chill at home getting into all kinds of "adult" things with there friends...
Regardless, cooking and cleaning is fun to me and in fact I prefer if I do the cleaning because I know other then a provisional cleaner no women can clean better then me.
Yes...and my crappy inlaws did not even call my son today for his birthday...jerks
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