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Old 12-07-2010, 03:44 PM
 
7,492 posts, read 8,210,135 times
Reputation: 6254
Quote:
Originally Posted by danielpalos View Post
Why would it not be as natural to assume greater personal responsibility instead of blaming a perceived, weaker person?
Because blaming others comes easy and therefore doesn't need to be taught. Admitting that you may be at fault and taking responsibility, that's hard. Most people can't do that because they think it makes them look weak. This isn't exclusive to men either. I'm sure there are a lot of women who do the same thing, declaring that all men are shallow pigs instead of asking if the problem lies with them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Missy.Rivers View Post
It's a great big ridiculius doble standard for men who are not exactly GQ material to stand around, drink beer and wait for all the chubby gals to fet fit so they have more to choose from.
It is a double standard. But keep in mind that women are guilty of this too. I've met a number of middle-aged women who'll complain that most of the men in their age group are fat. And yet these same women will also be overweight. Or how about this? A woman who's only 5'2", but won't consider a man who's less than 5'10".

Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Average men who don't understand that they are average, want the cute hot girl who is above average. Since she is above average, she can and will do better in selecting a mate. Next thing you know, Mr Average is angry, claims US women are terrible, fat gold-diggers so he's going to go overseas to find a mate.

Average women who don't understand that they are average, want the tall guy with the good job, the above average man. He too can do better than average so naturally he does so... and next thing you know Ms Average complains that there are no good men out there, and that every guy they want is a borderline pedophile chasing younger women.
It's not that these people don't understand that they're average. Deep down, I'm sure they know. But they're worried about what others will think. Imagine you're a slightly overweight guy and you're dating a slightly overweight woman. Everyone else might look at you and think "I guess that was the best he could do." It's one reason why a lot of guys refuse to date women with kids. No one wants to be thought of as having settled for "leftovers".

Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
This phenomenon also cascades into the culture which I consider "take me as is" and "be the real you"...

If it feels good to sleep in and atrophy on the couch, I guess than can be considered the genuine article.
There's nothing wrong in wanting to be accepted as you are. But some people take it to ridiculous extremes thinking they can get away with piling on the weight and then blaming the opposite sex for rejecting them.

 
Old 12-07-2010, 06:32 PM
 
55 posts, read 14,534 times
Reputation: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Thanks. I learned this the hard way, but I'm a quick study. Coming to terms with it (along with a few other realizations) and adjusting my expectations has made my dating life 1000% better. I've tried preaching to a couple of single women in my age group, but they think I'm dead wrong on this.
I learned this and have also adjusted accordingly.
 
Old 12-07-2010, 06:44 PM
 
55 posts, read 14,534 times
Reputation: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Or how about this? A woman who's only 5'2", but won't consider a man who's less than 5'10".

Tell me about it! Woman sees my picture online, gets excited, throws a million compliments, has meaningful conversation w/me, the minute they question of my height comes up and I tell them, POOF they're gone! All of a sudden, my looks, personality, education, ambition, accomplishments, etc go straight out of the window.

In the real world, many won't even give the chance.
 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:05 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,373 posts, read 7,081,405 times
Reputation: 10052
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonCrowley View Post
Tell me about it! Woman sees my picture online, gets excited, throws a million compliments, has meaningful conversation w/me, the minute they question of my height comes up and I tell them, POOF they're gone! All of a sudden, my looks, personality, education, ambition, accomplishments, etc go straight out of the window.

In the real world, many won't even give the chance.
How tall are you? I used to think this problem is exaggerated but now I'm not so sure.
 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:24 PM
 
55 posts, read 14,534 times
Reputation: 42
5'6. Trust me, us shorter guys aren't "imagining" things, and I can't speak for all short men, but we're generally not the problem (our height is), but you're mentioning being B-List puts a lot into perspective. I can't cry too much foul because I have dated, but hear the "You're too short", or "If only you were taller you'd be perfect", or have heard the rude comments about height more times than I can count. Whether dating, or in the workplace.

The old "lie about your height" (not to 'lie' or 'fool', but to see if your responses or views will increase), or "don't list your height" online thing proves it all. I'm not bitter about it (anymore), nor parnoid (wasn't until last year, but people here helped me get over it). I'm educated, blah blah blah. I don't feel entitled to it, but there is a harsh reality to being a shorter guy, and you have to accept it and get over it. I'm not the 'woman-hater' type, nor engage in the 'American women are the problem' hogwash. It's the harsh reality of recognizing all of your strengths and weaknesses, working on you (while being humble) and still wondering, 'Why am I having trouble here'. You don't look for a scapegoat, but come to the harsh realization of what the 'issue' is! Some of learn it quicker than others.

Before people bash though, the zillions of threads, studies, articles on the subject here on the net would not exist if it weren't an issue. (i.e. the famous 20/20 special, the famous Economist article, and eHarmony short man lawsuit). Not to mention the many men who subject themselves to leg lengthening worldwide (which I almost considered). I just thank god I have a high paying job and live comfortable. Life could certainly be worse!

That said, I knock on wood and am lucky to have had any dates or relationships at all. I know the shorter ones have it even tougher. I used to know a 5'1 guy in college who would get laughed at all of the time and no one would take him seriously (especially women). Bright guy too. In my senior year in college, the guy was borderline suicidal. Never heard from him again.
 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,342,650 times
Reputation: 22748
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonCrowley View Post
5'6. Trust me, us shorter guys aren't "imagining" things
No, you're not. I'm one of those women who admit it; most don't.
 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:39 PM
 
55 posts, read 14,534 times
Reputation: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
No, you're not. I'm one of those women who admit it; most don't.
Yep, I've seen many of your posts and don't hate you for it. It is what it is. Frustrates you when you're 5'6 and a woman 5'1 or even 4'10 tells you, "OMG you're short", etc. (insert w/e comment here). Socially or in the workplace. Forget about who I am, what I have, what's I've done, where I've traveled, or who I'm not. Height is a major deal breaker for us guys. This has happened on many, many, many, many occasion.

Aside from this, I've been able to accomplish a lot and have people who respect me in my circle.
 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:46 PM
 
7,492 posts, read 8,210,135 times
Reputation: 6254
Since we're now on the subject of height, imagine if the original post had been written by a woman complaining that, over time, there were going to be fewer and fewer tall men and that dating would therefore get worse. I fail to understand why people complain about what's out there. After all of your complaining, will the dating landscape be any different? No. So why not just accept that this is what you have to work with?
 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,342,650 times
Reputation: 22748
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonCrowley View Post
Yep, I've seen many of your posts and don't hate you for it. It is what it is. Frustrates you when you're 5'6 and a woman 5'1 or even 4'10 tells you, "OMG you're short", etc. (insert w/e comment here). Socially or in the workplace. Forget about who I am, what I have, what's I've done, where I've traveled, or who I'm not. Height is a major deal breaker for us guys. This has happened on many, many, many, many occasion.

Aside from this, I've been able to accomplish a lot and have people who respect me in my circle.
But see... even though it's strong, that's just my general opinion. It's not to say I won't make an exception for an exceptional individual! Not that I've measured him, but my last fling was probably not more that 5'8" tall, if that! However, as far as physical appearance goes, he was very attractive to me. Granted, walking on the streets hugging each other wasn't as comfortable as I normally like it to be, but the height wasn't the deal breaker - the character was.
 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:52 PM
 
55 posts, read 14,534 times
Reputation: 42
I don't really date much anymore (maybe that will change). I tend to have more success with the 35-45 (I'm 30) crowd because (in my experience, not generalizing), many have gotten the "Tall, Dark and Handsome" thing out of their system (not all of course). Many of the women who have dated me have said exactly what you said "I made an exception for you, I normally don't date short guys" (Bittersweet compliments often come off worse than just keeping things to yourself, though I am pretty blunt, so appreciate when a woman is too).

Like I said, there are people our of work, who have gone through messy divorces, are paralyzed, live in poverty, can't afford school or food for that matter. Things could be much worse for me. I'm happy I'm good in every other area. Dating/Trying To Meet has left a bitter taste in my mouth, so I just don't date and as I'm fit, muscular, healthy, own property, travel, play instruments, etc, I'm good just enjoying life solo at the moment.
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