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I wanted my ex to stay home with our children and do some volunteer work. My thinking was that her income was insignificant compared to mine, we didn't need it at all, and she'd have been more valuable doing "community relations" for me and my business. But she enjoyed working. First it was as a part-time receptionist, but because the company was constantly calling her to fill in for someone, she finally just went to work full-time. Her income paid the baby sitter and bought her own clothing. (Yeah, she was very well-dressed.)
Fast-forward a decade and she had become a v.p. of the business -- one of the largest financial institutions in the state.
But it was draining on our marriage. Looking back on it, I'd guess that it would have been better for our family and marriage if she'd have stayed home, but I'm not sure it would have been better for her. I don't know if we'd have divorced if she hadn't gotten so tied into her job or not, but at least when we did divorce she was making very good money and didn't have to worry about her earning potential, as do a lot of stay-at-home moms who are suddenly head of their households.
I totally disagree with Victor, in fact any man that wants to "be in control" is a control freak and extremely undesirable from any woman's point of view. At least an educated, career woman. In fact, I've never met a male colleague in my life who wanted their wives to stay at home, how pathetic. I find it hilarious that you think a woman who has a job "elevates" herself. Does that also hold true for men? You obviously have extreme issues with control or you wouldn't use a word like "dominance." In a real marriage, you have two career-minded people where neither dominates.
And as for the OP, what planet are you living on? You think a woman that stays home and does nothing is somehow more "beautiful" than a working woman?
If I were a man, I would run from any lazy woman who prefered to stay home and not work. I would come home to someone utterly boring who did nothing but watch TV or file their nails all day? How about getting out and earning an income?
If you enjoy living on one income you're far better off with both of you working part-time and enjoying your leisure time together.
Except then you probably aren't eligible for any benefits like health insurance or 401k matching, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheStupid
OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!!!!
Any woman who wishes to enjoy my wealth without putting up her own effort should get out of my face as fast as she could before I kick her out hard!!!
I have zero respect for women like that. Not to mention all these years of feminism movements and equality talk, shame on them if they agree to do this and they are disgrace to all the women who put in so much effort to fight for women's rights.
I also have little respect for the guys who want to do this. You just lowered yourself to be the provider. Please don't cry if she takes advantage of you because you let her!!! Just because she's beautiful, it does not mean she is entitled of anything.
Men and women are equal. So equally, we need both become the providers for the family and we build family together.
Uh, feminism just says that women should get to choose whatever they want to do with their lives like men could. Want a job in the corporate rat race? Great. Want to be a house wife/husband? Also great. Feminism is not "all women should get jobs".
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorhe33
I think most husbands do NOT like their wives getting educations and good jobs. THey like being the ones in control and when their wives elevate themselves, they lose power and control. Its a power struggle thing. They don't want to lose dominance or be left behind.
Okay...didn't know we were back in 1950. Pretty sure my husband was the one who encouraged me to go back to graduate school and get another degree. He also happens to be pretty excited when I get pay raises.
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Personally, I'm not sure what I'd do as a stay-at-home wife. Laundry/cooking/cleaning/errands might take a couple hours a day, but I don't know what kind of positive contribution I could make to the family beyond those tasks (which somehow get taken care of just fine despite DH and I both working full time). But if a family needs/wants one spouse to stay home and they can successfully pay their bills doing so, good for them.
Uh, feminism just says that women should get to choose whatever they want to do with their lives like men could. Want a job in the corporate rat race? Great. Want to be a house wife/husband? Also great. Feminism is not "all women should get jobs".
That's fine. So long I can stay at home and you go make all the money to support me to do all the stuff I like. I am ok with that.
I think most husbands do NOT like their wives getting educations and good jobs. THey like being the ones in control and when their wives elevate themselves, they lose power and control. Its a power struggle thing. They don't want to lose dominance or be left behind.
That's fine. So long I can stay at home and you go make all the money to support me to do all the stuff I like. I am ok with that.
DH and I both agree that if we have kids, he'll be the one staying home with 'em--he'd be far better at it than me. Until then we both work, 'cause either of us would go crazy with no job.
So long as both husband and wife are happy with the arrangement, who cares? Do I think some men are stupid for funding their wives manicure funds? Yup. But it doesn't affect me.
2. Have any of you ever known of any couples where the husband led a structured career/work oriented life supporting the lifestyle of a woman who led a free life following her own interests and development, even perhaps traveling? If so, how did the lifestyle work out for the couple?
I was a stay at home girlfriend for a few years in my mid-20s. At the time, I was traveling with my boyfriend (now husband) on occasion so it would have been difficult for me to get a job/start a career and be able to travel with him. I eventually got a part-time job for socialization and to keep busy/do something, but left the position once we started having children.
It worked for us, but I don't think he ever felt resentment because I wasn't working. Heck, it probably cost him more for me to have that part-time job!!!
I meant the woman who'd like to stay at home must agree, whenever I like, I get to stay at home and she need to go make the money.
Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I just said you should find a woman who would be happy with a stay-at-home husband. You sound angry because you know your chances of such an arrangement are slim to none.
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